Welcome to Hell....Here is Your Locker Number

This is just a narrative about some of the things I have and do experience in my small high school.


4. Depression

Ok so I'm just going to be honest here and say that I have super bad depression and anxiety. Luckily, I have really amazing parents who recognized this at a young age and helped me get counseling and medication. Now, I am very high-functioning, but I still have all of the awful symptoms that come with it. The only difference is that I have learned to work through it. Panic attacks are a constant struggle for me, sometimes it takes me a lot of time to even get out of bed, and I find myself constantly searching and never quite finding happiness in its purest form. 

Have you ever had a panic attack? I'm not talking about the little ones that you get when your day goes badly. I am talking about those full on panic attacks that bring you to your knees. The only way I can describe it is as if someone grabbed my insides and twisted them to the point where the only thing I could do is scream with tears running down my face. Sometimes they last for hours. Agony. When they are over, I get up and go on with my day as if nothing happened because my depression convinces me that there is no one who I trust enough to listen to my story. 

You want to know the worst thing about it though? I've tried to tell them. I've tried to tell people I've got this depression and I have tried to tell my friends about my anxiety and the only reaction I ever seem to receive is one of "no, not you, get over yourself". It is so hurtful to think that even my "friends" don't want to understand me. So I go through this journey alone, searching and packing all of this dead weight with me. And I'm tired. 


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