Playing with glass

Dear diary, this is me

(Possible trigger warning)


14. I didn't want this

Thursday 27th August, 12:45am:

Adam came over today, and when he did he read part of my diary. Without permission of course. I was out of the room getting a drink, so it's my fault for stupidly leaving him in here with it. I should of hid it better.

I'm not actually sure what he read he never said, he only told me that he thought it was crazy depressing, it was so embarrassing. I'm scared of what he saw...

It's midnight and I'm sat here letting my thoughts run wild as I fall down a depressing spiral.. I'm not good at anything I've come to realise. I'm not liked or really even loved but oh how I wish I was....

Why do I exist? No one would miss me? I'm Alone, worthless, fat, ugly, pathetic, stupid, heartless, ignorant, annoying, bitch....the list goes on and forever will.

I'm not worth anything, this life, it's pointless. I will never amount to much. This life isn't worth living yet....I find myself unable to change the fact that I am still around. There's nothing stopping me, or is something stopping me? What's stopping me?!

How do people do it? How do people live and just be so happy?

What's wrong with me, is this I mean to feel and think like this normal? Is it normal to hate yourself so extremely? To constantly think about and coincided death and self harm? Is this normal?! Because if it is this society is seriously messed up.

But I'm guessing it must be normal right.... At some stage everyone breaks down and it just passed over. So why is this lingering around me for so long, why won't you just pass over already?! I've broken down too many times! I am damaged. But I have to be fine....I've been told in fine! But, but I've also been told I need help....


Help me.

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