Playing with glass

Dear diary, this is me

(Possible trigger warning)


19. harder than i thought

Saturday 31st october, 9:51pm:


It was harder i thought to let him go, watching him be as close as he once with me with others and possibly closer. I don't hate him i was wrong, i was just mad. I still have feelings for him and it sucks, there's no better way to put it. 

He straight out blanks me and that's the worst part. I might of been able to cope more if he would cat least acknowledge my presence, instead hes acting as if i don't or exist or invisible. He'll walk right past me and not even glance in my direction. He'll hug, flirt and more with my friends in-front of me, but its like i'm not there... 

He texted me at the start of the week, i thought he would do what he normally does and possibly say sorry. But, instead he told me he didn't like me at all and it was just like the time he said he never loved me but worse, because although that sounded worse, this time he was gone for good. He told me he didn't know how to block numbers on his phone and told me to block his number... He never wants to see, be round or talk to me again. felt like i had just been hit by a truck. I lost everything i loved instantly. 

He said a while back that, everyone thought i was playing him, toying with his emotions and leading him on, but really it was him.... he has been messing with me this whole time, playing with me to occupy his empty bored time until he found something new. How am i just realising this now, when its too late because i've already been so affected by his heartless actions.

Oh and of course just to mess with me some more he thought it would be great to randomly message me one day for a casually chat then insult me. Then he just said bye, talk to you later or never.. im blocking you again straight after his. 

What did i even ever, ever do to him to deserve this....?


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