5SOS Imagines

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7. When You Break Up/Make Up - Michael

When You Break Up/Make Up




Dear Michael,

We were together for just a short time. But within that small window of time, I had fallen fast and hard over everything about you.

It started the night of your concert. By sheer luck someone was selling front row seats for cheap, I had managed to scrape enough together to get them. You never thought so, but I still think it was fate that had the seats in your section. Your smile lit up when you saw my friend and I screaming the lyrics of your new release. It wasn’t long after the concert when the guard led us backstage.

“I‘m Michael.” You said.

“Y/N.” I replied. 

And so it began.

That first night was just getting to know each other. We were in your hotel room, but nothing had happened except a few hours of cuddling. We talked about everything in our lives and noticed right away how easy it felt to share with each other. I woke the next morning in your arms and sharing your pillow, when you awoke….you knew it wouldn’t be the end. So you helped pay for me to finish out the rest of your tour when my funds ran out.

It didn’t surprise you how skeptical the guys were when the decision was made. But they saw how we were together and at times heard our conversations. They knew how serious it was getting and supported us being together. You had never smiled before like you had when you were with me. Or been so calm and gentle until I entered your life. 

Cuddling had become a favorite past time of ours. You always wanted my arms around you, or yours around me. It made you feel at ease, helped you to think when things got difficult. We always slept together every night. But oddly enough, you never wanted anything more than to just share the same sheets. It didn’t surprise either of us when real feelings were shared. When ‘love you’s were said within a small amount of time.

But eventually, things always end just when they get good. The day had felt the same, our morning coffees were drank in quiet. The shower was occupied by myself while you packed our bags for the next departure. When your turn came, I would make the bed and meet with the guys downstairs. But not before kissing you just as I was walking out the door. 

It was night when the realization came that something felt off. We couldn’t put our finger on it but we knew something wasn’t the same. After brushing our teeth together and you stripping yourself of your clothes, we crawled in bed. You sat up and I brought my arm around your stomach, where I laid my hand atop it. Lightly I scratched my fingers across it just as I do every night in our rituals. We agreed to figure it out together and try to shoo the elephant out of the room.

So we talked…and talked….and talked. It lead to our first fight and my first tears caused by you. We had fallen too fast before really getting to know what we wanted out of the relationship. I wanted happily ever after, where my finger gets a ring and I receive a new last name. You were just looking for something to help keep your demons at bay. So we said goodbye. It hurt worse watching you go through the rest of the shows without a hitch in your sets.

For months I cried as I tried to get over you and what small moment of bliss we had in time. But my feelings were still there and seeing you every day through photographs wasn’t helping. But the death blow had come when I saw you with her during your vacation. After your tour, Bali seemed like a good place to get away and relax as a band. So I loved hearing that you invited friends along with you. But…seeing you with someone else, hurt. Especially so soon after our parting, it killed me even more.

I made myself ignore your socials to help me focus on my healing. It was hard at first, getting notification after notification. But eventually, I fell back into my old habits and rituals without thinking of you as often. Because yes, I still thought of you…just not as frequently. I almost felt healed for a moment, but knew that could never truly happen like I wanted. Not after you.

Eventually I looked again, just to see how you were doing. Maybe you had developed something with the girl in the photo. It would hurt to find out, yes, but you deserved to be happy…even if it wasn’t with me. But I was happy to see you were out of your vacation and heading home. It felt good to know you’d be with family after being away from them for so long.

My mind a little at ease, I closed everything up and decided to get ready for bed early. What little life I had seemed to remain in my apartment, aside from my schooling. Which is why at nine, I found it odd to hear a knock at my door. It was even more odd when I found out it was you on the other side. 

“Can I come in?” You ask.

“Uh….sure.” I reply, still surprised by your presence.

We stand quiet for a moment, just looking the other over as we realize the peculiar situation we found ourselves in. I clear my throat and offer you a drink and a seat on my couch. As I refrain from using my old nick name for you, I call you by your name and offer you some food from the kitchen. You take the drink, a seat and decline the food while I stand awkwardly by.

“Have a seat.” You offer like it’s easy for you. I’m reluctant at first, but sit a few cushions away from you and play with the hem in my pajama top. Neither of us speaks as we settle into an awkward silence and focus on our breathing. 

You take the initiative to speak first, just like when we first met that night.

“I‘m sorry for barging in like this with no warning. But I thought since some time has passed, maybe we could catch up. Our phone lines have been dead lately.” He says with his voice soft and raspy like I remember. I accept his apology and give my own for being so distant, which he in return accepts.

We sit and talk for hours. Much like the first night, we fall into the familiar feeling of ease that came with sharing our lives. You’ve grown in those months away from me. Even if it’s only a little, you have and it’s clear in the careful manner you have. You’re more cautious in your words and actions unlike how we were when we first met. 

Some laughs are shared  as you tell of moments that happened during tour and in Bali. Without realizing we’ve gotten closer as the stories are told and as I bring you a new drink, I return with one for myself as well. I don’t have much to share with my uneventful life, but I try to share moments I thought you’d enjoy and give full detail. I find you laughing and feel a small sense of accomplishment inside.

My yawn strikes up your first hint toward goodbye. I offer you my sofa because of it being so late, I hide the smile when you accept the offer. Remembering your nightly ritual, I offer you a spare toothbrush I bought for guests. It’s still in the package from when I bought it and you smile as you take it from my hands. When I return from upstairs with a pillow and blanket, you’re stripping beside the sofa.

I try to stop myself from staring, but it’s too late as I take in your sunburnt shoulders and small stomach. It seems even your body has changed in those few months as well. You chuckle in embarrassment and make a crack about your weight.

“You still look good to me.” I find myself saying. We lock eyes for a minute and with your pillow and blanket between us, you stand in front of me.

“Why don‘t we just share the bed? It‘s just one night and it‘s not like we haven‘t before.” He offers. I look away as I think about it.

“It‘s be simpler than tossing and turning on the couch.” I say without thinking. Nodding, I walk up the stairs with you following.

We crawl in my bed and I get comfortable first, then you come in and your arm goes around me like it used to. I slide my hand across your new stomach and scratch it lightly just like I used to. It’s not long before we’re both asleep and curled in close to one another. I remember hearing your heartbeat and seeing the blue of your phone but you not leaving me to get it. We’re both a million miles away back in the place we used to be when these actions were first done.

When morning comes I open my eyes to see I’ve curled in deeper toward you. Our limbs are entangled into one another and I find myself feeling that urge to kiss you. Swallowing hard, I push myself away from you in an attempt to get a hold of the situation. But you’re awake and pulling me toward you in response, telling me to “Stop” in the same motion.

“Just let it happen, Y/N.” You say with a low morning voice and closed eyes.

My attempts to talk you down back to reality are futile as you won’t listen. It doesn’t help that all those old feelings are creeping back up and I remember how I’ve missed this. So we lie there for another moment longer in silence as I ‘let it happen’. After giving in, I find it’s pretty easy to forget everything else. It’s almost like we picked up from where we left off.

So I slide my hand off your stomach and interlock my fingers with yours.

“I missed you, Mickey.” I say in rush of feelings. You shift under me and turn your head to look at me as you say,

“I missed you more.” with a small kiss to my temple. 

And this is how we began again.

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