2 years ago
My head was hung low in the toilet seat as last nights mistakes come flowing out my mouth. Good thing i was actually smart enough last night to throw my hair up in a pony tail other wise throw up will be all in my hair. The tight red dress was pushed up on my waist, exposing my lace under wear. " Fuck" i mumbled as i flushed the toilet an leaned back against the tub. " Oh well" i mumbled like i always do.
For the past year of my life I'm been drinking and partying away my stress, anger, sadness, confusion, any emotion i didn't want to feel i just partied it away. I shimmy the dress above my head, then step out my underwear and into the shower. Last night was such a blur, but i remember bits of it. I was having so much fun, drinking, dancing, even smoked for the first time. When i was grabbing about my 10th drink i thought i had saw Harry there with some girl, which only made me drink harder.
After about my 15th drink i don't remember anything except passing out on someones floor. I wonder who brought me home? Once i get out the shower i hear my mother calling me from down stairs. Things have been rocky between us every since the break up with him. I ignored her most of the time, then when i do talk to her it just turns into a screaming mess. After slowly slipping on a purple sweater, grey spandex shorts, and white knee high socks i was walking down the stairs as slow as possible.
" Luna Marie Jenson, where have you been all night! I was worried sick about you, you're luck he bought you home" my eyebrows scrunch in confusion and irritation, " first stop fucking yelling at me, I'm 18 i can do what ever the hell i want, second who the hell bought me home." My mothers eyes widen, " you stop cussing at me I am your mother, treat me with respect" i roll my eyes but kept my mouth closed, " and that nice lad you dated a few months back brought you home at 5 in the morning! He wouldn't tell me where you had been all night he just left and said to tell you hes sorry."
My blood started to boil as i knew who she was talking about. Why did he bring me home, he obviously didn't care about me back then so why worry about my well being now. " Well good he didn't tell you where i was, its none of your business" i watched as she took a deep breath and looked me into the eyes with tears. " Where is my beautiful sweet daughter that use to hate cursing, got all A's, never skipped school. I know what he did to you was horrible but don't take it out on yourself. This girl standing right in front of me is not my daughter. I miss us being able to sit at home and watch T.V, talk about boys, life. What happen to the mother daughter bond we had, what happen to the trust" and for the first time in months i cried.
I ran to my mother hugging her for dear life, " mother I'm so sorry, i'm so sorry. I don't know why i did this, I was, and still am, so broken inside i didn't know what else to do. If i could change back time i would, I'm so sorry for all the hell you had to go through with me for the past year. " i sob into her chest. " Shh baby its okay" my mothers calming voice makes my tears slowly die down, we pull apart and look each other into the eyes. " I'll get you some help okay, everything is going to be okay" i nod to my mom as she kisses my cheek, " its good to have you back baby cakes" she whispers with a smile on her face.
Time for a change, no more bad decisions.