Bad Intentions

"Does it bug you?"

"Does what bug me"

"Does it bug you that I know you better than you know you?"


Peyton Andrews has parents that want her to be perfect. Has siblings that want her to be cool and friends that want her to be fun. But when she meets Asher she falls for him because he wants to her to be herself


40. /3:9/



"I don't think we should do it." I sighed looking at the paint on the outside of Holdyn's bedroom door.

"Pey, look baby, it's not going to be bad."

"What if he meets a drug dealer? What if his teacher is a drug dealer?!" I asked breathing heavily.

"We met Mr. Combs, he's a nice guy."

"So drug dealers can't be nice?" I asked looking up at Asher. We were having a conversation about tomorrow.

Tomorrow was Holdyn's first day of kindergarten.

"You're being unrealistic. Holdyn will be fine."

"Will he? How do you know that?"

"Because he's strong, and it's kindergarten."

"Asher can't we just wait one more year? Just one?"

"Then he'll be behind."

"But then he'll be safe, or better yet we can home school."

"I have a business degree and you have an English degree. What about math? What about science? What about history?"

"What about him being our son?"

"Holdyn going to school won't make him any less our son."

"But he's going to be different. If he goes out then Holdyn won't come back. My Holdyn."

"If Holdyn gets older he isn't going to be any less your son."

"Holdyn, will be kindergarten Holdyn. Not Holdyn Lucas Greene- Andrews. Our Holdyn eats Frosted Flakes for lunch and hotdogs for breakfast."

"Remember 5 years ago in the hospital. I told you that there was going to be a time when you weren't going to be able to protect him from everything. Right now is that time."

"Asher, why are you fighting me on this?"

"I didn't fight you when you bought Holdyn strictly band tee shirts. I didn't fight you when you were sure converses and vans were all he needed to wear. I didn't fight you when you dressed Holdyn up as different band members for Halloween. Even though I should have. Gerard Way was very hard." I chuckled.

"Peyton I love you. And how you want to raise Holdyn is important to me. You both are important to me. But this is selfish of you. This is selfish of you to want to hold our son back from knowledge. What if he wants to be an accountant?"

"Why would he ever want to be an accountant? Who wakes up and says 'my one dream is to be someone's human calculator.' I would disown him." I said shaking my head.

"What I mean is he will never grow unless you let him have a little, just a little sunlight."

"What if he meets a girl?"

"Then he meets a girl."

"What if they want to get married?"

"They're in kindergarten."

"What if I hate her?"

"You're not supposed to like her."

"Gracie likes me."

"You haven't said yes to marrying me yet."

"Don't change the subject."

"I didn't. I'm being serious. I want to marry you. I'm ready to be with you."

"I'm 23." I sighed.

"I'm 24."

"Asher, I didn't say no."

"You didn't say yes." He says standing close to me. I frown and raise an eyebrow.

"I don't want to rush us.

"We've been together for 6 years, I don't think I've ever waited longer for anything. All I you."

"I'm not going anywhere." I promised.

"Why don't you want to marry me?"

"It's not that I don't want to marry you."

"Then what is it?"

"I don't think we should let Holdyn go. It's not safe. I don't like it. I say walking to our room. Asher follows me.

"So is that you saying you don't want to talk about marriage anymore?"

"I don't want to talk about losing us anymore? Yeah I don't." I said honestly.

"Losing us? How would you lose us by getting married?"

"I see married couples all day, I'm a writer! I write lives. I see the light in their eyes dim. I hear how they go from having sex 3 times a week to 3 times a year. Asher what if you get tired of me. You get tired of touching me and tired of kissing me. Tired of loving me?" That's what marriage does."

"Everyone isn't the same, marriage for everyone isn't the same. Gracie and Grant have sex all the time."

"Fucking great! They love each other. They got a second chance. They keep getting second chances. First with you then with Holdyn and Preston."

"If I was going to get tired of loving you wouldn't it have happened by now? Wouldn't I have said I'm not in love with you? Peyton you are the most amazing fucking thing in my life. Now we have Holdyn. Holdyn and fucking you are the most perfect things to me. Some people wait years for perfect. I got perfect in my senior year of high school."

"I'm anything but perfect."

"You're right. Sometimes you fucking suck. Sometimes I hate how much I love you because you are annoying. You make me want to kill someone. Half the time you talk to me I feel like murdering you. You kill me and you know what? I love it. I love the feeling you give me. No one has ever given me that feeling. No one has ever made me feel so turned on and angry and sad and mad and happy at the same time. And hell if you don't feel the same way." He said.

"I'm not talking about this tonight." I said closing my eyes.

"So I'm wearing you down. And also I'm coming home for lunch tomorrow."

"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked turning to face him.

"It means your ass is mine so write fast." Asher smiled kissing me and turning the light off.

"It sounds more like a warning." I muttered turning so I fit into Asher perfectly.

"A heads up." He said holding my waist and kissing the back of my head. I closed my eyes and exhaled deeply looking at the darkness of my room. I didn't want Holdyn to go to school.


"Are you all set?" I asked Holdyn putting a bowl of cereal in front of him.

"I think I should wear my Panic shirt instead of Fall Out Boy." He muttered softly looking at his shirt.

"Eh, we changed already. You thought Nirvana was too controversial and now what?" I asked.

"Now I think I should wear Panic, panic is cool and less controversial."

"No they're not. Who taught you that word?"

"Uncle Shawn." He said. Asher walked into the kitchen rolling up his sleeves.

"We gonna buy out, daddy?" Holdyn asked. I found it adoring that he asked the same question everyday.

"You know it. Give me kiss." He said bending down to Holdyn. Holdyn pecked his cheek and fed him a piece of toast.

"Have a good day."

"I will, give me kiss." Asher said puckering out to me. I kissed him softly and handed him a mug.

"Regular American family, day..."

"1,987." Holdyn smiled.

"1,987. You genius boy." Asher smiled kissing his forehead and walking out the door.

"Hurry up, baby. We gotta make the bus."

"Is auntie Quinn gonna be there?" Holdyn asked bending down to tie his converses.

"No, Preston doesn't ride your bus. Where's your lunchbox?" I asked tying my hair up.

"Daddy put it in the fridge." He replied standing up and shaking out his brown hair. I bent down and ran my hand through it.

"I love you more than all the stars in the sky." He smiled.

"I love you more than all the sand on the beach." I said kissing Holdyn's nose.


"And a day." I promised standing up. I sighed and held Holdyn's hand as we walked out the door. I walked out and looked around. Our neighbors, the Nedezi.

"Going to school, Lucas?" Mrs. Nedezi asked Holdyn using his middle name.

"Yes!" Holdyn exclaimed smiling.

"Have a great day." The old woman replied as I strolled down the street with Holdyn's hand in my own.

"Mommy, are you sad?" Holdyn asked.

"Why?" I asked.

"Daddy said that I should be careful talking to you about being excited about school. He said you were afraid I was going to stop loving you."

"Did he?"

"Yes, but I need to tell you that I'll never stop loving you mommy. I will love you forever. Then some."

"You know, you're much smarter than me."

"But you're sweeter and prettier than me." He smiled. I sat at the bus stop looking at the other parents. They all looked scared. Some of the older kids looked bored. One mom looked up at me and smiled. I smiled back.

"Mommy! That boy has a The Doors shirt on!" Holdyn exclaimed.

"Go talk to him," I said walking behind him. The boy had red wispy hair and smal freckles scattering his pale face. His mom had long red hair and wisps of hair creating bangs in front of her face.

"I love The Doors, what's your favorite song?" Holdyn asked the little boy. The two boys then began a long conversation about music and things.

"I'm Lainey, this is my son Sawyer."

"Peyton Elizabeth. Most people just call me Peyton. This is Holdyn." I smiled shaking Lainey's hand.

"I'm so scared. Is that crazy? I feel like he'll be different."

"No! I feel the exact same way like they'll love us less or something."

"My husband thinks I'm crazy. But I'm 27 and I have a kid and a family. I have a kick ass job. Everything is going too good for me yanno?"

"I totally get it. My boyfriend says I'm paranoid. That I'm always looking for something to go wrong."

"Men don't get it. They think everything will be fine. They don't have to be there when it hurts. I mean mentally. I have a thousand scenarios running through my head right now.

"Awh, I didn't think moms like me existed."

"Me either." She laughed. I ran a hand through my hair and sighed as the bus came to a complete stop. What was I going to do? I couldn't just let him go could I?

"The moment I've dreaded for the last 5 years." I muttered sighing and looking at Holdyn who's big blue eyes seemed to melt as they fell on mine.

"Are you ready?" He asked.

"I think."

"Do you want a hug and kiss?" He asked turning his head like a dog.

"Yes, give me kiss." I smiled kissing Holdyn's forehead and squeezing him tightly. I pulled away and sighed as he hopped in line getting on the bus. I could feel my eyes beginning to water as the bus drove away.

"I read somewhere that kids are like butterfly. Not all are perfect but when you catch the perfect one and you have to let it go, you spend a fourth of your life seeing it and not knowing it was once yours." Lainey said standing next to me.

"I don't understand how anybody could hate a child. Children are the epitome of love to a person." I muttered watching the bus drive away.

"Some people aren't mothers." Lainey said walking away. I sighed and walked back to the house. Maybe someday this all would feel normal.


I decided to go to breakfast with Quinn. We ate at an entire meal that revolved around a old timey western theme.

"So was it hard?" Quinn asked as she sipped her coffee.

"I'd never felt so scared and useless in my entire life." I muttered.

"Preston cried. I wish I could've just taken him home."

"I would've. If Holdyn would have even second guessed a little. I would've taken him home."

"Holdyn's strong. He never second guesses." Quinn said.

"I wish I didn't feel so helpless. I feel like my entire being is just slowly dying. And Asher with the marriage." I sighed.

"You're so stupid." She said shaking her head.

"Thanks." I muttered sliding my drink forward.

"I mean think about it. Asher doesn't cheat on you, he doesn't lie, he lets you dress your son up like I fucking punk rocker. Asher is literally everything you should want in a man."


"And I just don't see why you won't already say yes."

"I'm not ready."

"Oh my god." She explained shaking her head.

"What?" I asked furrowing my brows.

"You are making a problem."

"No I'm not."

"You always do this. You live in chaos. When something is wrong then you are at your best. That's why Allan hated you."

"Allan hated me because he's an asshole and he can't break me."

"Well, that'll be an interesting dinner topic."


"Hey, Allan, why do you hate Peyton? That would."

"When would you say this? Why are we even talking about him?" I asked irritated.

"Well, he may have called me."

"May have? Saying what?"

"He wanted to talk. He wanted to apologize."

"He's fucking shit!" I shouted. The restaurant costumers looked my way.

"Hey, chill. I didn't say yes."

"Good." I sighed.

"I said maybe."

"Why? What can he possibly say to make you think he's the good guy?"

"Dude, he may not be the good guy but even villains have back stories."

"That's typical you. I bet you also want to get in touch with Heath too?"

"Oh my god! You're angry because I'm not you! Because I don't let a moment in time dictate what happens with my life! I'm not fucking scared! You have the best life yet you find the most to complain about! You're not the only orphan in the world. Don't let a label determine who you're going to be because you know what you can preach poetry all night long but until you try on a pair of words you don't know shit." She spat angrily.

"I don't know shit? I let some label dictate me? You ran away gripping a fucking label. 'Teen Mom' isn't a pat on the back."

"Really? Well at least my kid is really my kid." She said smiling and walking away. I ran a hand through my hair and sighed.


"She said Holdyn wasn't mine! Has she forgotten who took care of her? Who took care of the both of us?" I said pacing in the kitchen.

"I think she was just angry."

"So you know the metaphor. I'll put you in your place sober I don't gotta be drunk?" I asked.


"It's from a rap song from the late 80's."

"You said things too."

"They were true though! I didn't say anything she hadn't heard already!"

"From strangers, Peyton. You're her sister. It hurt her more."

"Everyone's just trying to start something. I mean I can't handle this pressure. You want to get married and Holdyn wants to grow up."

"Why is that bad?"

"Maybe I don't want to get married!? Have you ever thought about why I kept pushing it off? Asher you're a great person. I just... I just can't get married to someone who loves more and harder than me. Maybe I don't even want marriage. Why is that even an option? I just want to be left alone."

"That's all?" He asked.

"Asher, honestly."

"Peyton, honestly." He said standing up.

"Where are you going?" I asked stopping in place.

"I've got a lot of work to do. A pencil pushers job is never done." He said.

"Asher I didn't-"

"I'll put you in your place sober I don't gotta be drunk." He said and like that he was gone. I never could find words to describe sadness and messing up. I could never.

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