Bad Intentions

"Does it bug you?"

"Does what bug me"

"Does it bug you that I know you better than you know you?"

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Peyton Andrews has parents that want her to be perfect. Has siblings that want her to be cool and friends that want her to be fun. But when she meets Asher she falls for him because he wants to her to be herself

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34. /3:3/

/3:3/

I woke up to three idiots screaming in my face with a baby. Preston was crying at the horrible screeches coming from Shawn, Quinn and Christian. I sat up and took the baby from Quinn's arms and cooed him.

"I know baby, they're bad singing makes me want to cry too." I laughed rocking the baby. Quinn scooped up Preston and shushed him soothingly.

"He's just hungry." Quinn muttered leaving my room to go feed the baby.

"Happy birthday, Poem Girl." Shawn smiled plopping down on my bed.

"Thanks guys, I just want to sleep forever." I said crashing down on my pillow.

"Well, that's a good idea. I mean you are the birthday girl and whatever you want is what you're going to get." Christian said.

"No." I said answering the question he had in his mind.

"No what?" He asks innocently.

"No we aren't having a party." I repeated snuggling up to Shawn.

"How did you even know I was going to say that?" Christian asked.

"I read your mind." I muttered.

"Liar, Shawn told you didn't he?"

"I did. I told her because I knew she wasn't going to like it." Shawn said rubbing my back.

"What part of 'surprise' doesn't make sense to you? The part where you don't tell her or the part where you don't tell her!?"

"It might have been the part where she lives in a constant turmoil of fucking surprises and instead of fueling my own need to party I thought about her. About what she wanted." Shawn said.

"Please Peyton? Please please please?" Christian begs.

"Christian, throw the party. I just don't want anything to do with it." I said.

"It's a party for you! How will you not have something to do with it?" He asks. A knock hit my door and Rosalinda came in carrying a plate of french toast and a bowl of Cheerios. Behind her Cynthia came with a present and a glass of orange juice.

"Remind me that we are moving you out of the attic." Cynthia says sitting on a chair by my vanity.

"This is my house. I'll sleep wherever I want." I muttered taking the breakfast and moaning as the food was handed to me.

"Are you going out tonight?" Cynthia asked smiling. I shook my head.

"Awh why not? You never go out." Cynthia pouted.

"Again. This is my house." I repeated running a hand through my hair. I ran my tongue over my lips and handed my half eaten tray of food to Rosalinda who put it on my desk.

"I've never seen someone this down about a birthday." Shawn said looking up at me.

"Because it was never just my birthday." I muttered crossing my legs.

"Well today it is, you can do whatever you want." Shawn told me. Cynthia looked between Shawn and I. Cynthia was a woman who needed affection but got it from the affection shared between two individuals.

"Andy and I shared a birthday. We always have. I can't just tear him out of my life like he never existed. Not when there's 12 years of proof that we were friends. That we did love each other. All this shit is happening over a baby. Do I want to lose my best friend over an unborn child?" I asked the room. Everyone sighed.

"Yes." Cynthia said. Her voice was strong. It was powerful. It was motherly.

"What?" Christian asked.

"If someone would have taken your father from me, if I had a friend who loved me enough to do that to see that I couldn't do it and helped me? Your father would have been different. Maybe all this wouldn't have happened. Maybe that would have pushed me to get help. If you really care about Andy, fight for the baby." She said harshly.

"Yes ma'am." I said slowly. It was a foreign term in my mouth when talking to Cynthia.But it fit the situation.

"Don't give up. Giving up becomes a habit and habits are hard to break. But this won't be easy. You'll have to fight. You'll get hit with more than you think. When it gets to hard ask for help. Help doesn't make you weak. It makes you stronger. You're human just like him. Show the jury that. And for god sakes don't push people away for something they can't help. Noel loves you. You are his daughter. Was he wrong? Yes, absolutely. But he didn't do it to spite you or hurt you. He did it to label his love for you because titles make people feel good. And Asher? Don't be mad he's going to college. I don't know why you were naïve enough to think that forever and eternity were the same thing. Eternity is everlasting. It counts no time. Forever measures time in love. And if you don't know what that means it shows how big of bubble you live in. Now, tonight you are going to that party. Tomorrow we prepare for court." Cynthia ends standing up and walking out of my room. Her long blonde hair flows behind her as she safely descends the stairs. The room is left speechless. Shawn stood up from my bed and nodded out of the room with Christian trailing behind him. Rosalinda closed my bedroom door and sat on my bed.

"Happy birthday." She smiled handing me a small box. The wrapping paper was perfect and the ribbon on top was golden and shiny.

"Thank you." I smiled unwrapping it and opening the little box inside. A small ring sat in a jewelry box. It was engraved with the word, Embrace, I smiled chuckling at the little joke I had with Rosalinda.

"Cynthia is right. You need to help Andy. Especially now, when he can't help himself." She spoke softly. I nodded.

"I know. I just, don't know if this was the right choice." I admitted looking at the woman. She held my chin using her thumb to stroke my cheek.

"It's not about making the right choice. It's about getting the right results." She smiled standing up and taking my clothes hamper.

"You should go to lunch with your siblings. I'll watch the baby." She says walking down my ladder and closing my bedroom door. I sigh and plunk myself on my bed.

I'm being stupid. Asher loves me. I'm being stupid. Noel loves me. I need to stop pretending like I'm going through this alone. I need to stop acting like I'm a machine. Like for some reason I can't do ask for help. I grabbed my phone and dialed Asher's number. It went to voicemail.

"Hey, sorry I missed you. I'll return your call at my earliest convenience." A beep rang and I sighed.

"Hey, it's me Peyton. I don't know if you purposefully sent me to voicemail or if you actually couldn't talk. But either way call me back. Like whenever. Alright bye." I said hanging the phone up. I scrolled down my contact list and clicked on Noel.

"Hey, look I'm sorry. I didn't want to overstep any boundaries and just because I'm your legal guardian now doesn't mean I expect you to live with me. I just want you to know that I'm sorry. I'm sorry I did what I did and I'm sorry that all I have to offer you after 17 years is a bucket of sorries and a handful of regrets." He said.

"Good morning." I muttered.

"Good morning Peyton."

"How are you?" I asked calmly.

"Fine, happy birthday."

"Thank you. It's appreciated. I shouldn't have acted the way I did yesterday. I was angry and I was taking it out on the wrong person." I said looking out my window.

"I understand. I was wrong. If you want Jasper, Charlotte and I got you a present you could come over." Noel offered.

"Actually I was wondering I'm having a sibling lunch thing. I was going to see if Jasper wanted to come." I said looking in my closet.

"Of course he would. I'll have him over at yours in a couple."

"Dress him up nice." I said looking a black cocktail party dress.

"Alright. See you in a bit." He said. I hung up and went downstairs. At the bottom of the staircase stood Sunshine and Angela. They were both holding boxes in their arms.

"What are you losers doing back?" I asked smiling at the girls.

"Shut up. You know you missed us." Angela teased dropping her box to hug me.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." I chuckled hugging Sunshine.

"Open mine first." Sunshine said hanging me her box. I wrapped my nails around the paper tearing it and handing it to Sunshine. I opened the box and it was a pair of converses and a vinyl.

"Thanks Sun, I love it." I smoked setting it on the floor.

"Okay. Okay. Now open the real present." Angela said handing me her box which was relatively smaller than Sunshine's.

"What is it?" I asked tearing the paper.

"That's why there's wrapping paper you dumb ass. To conceal the identity of the present." She said rolling her eyes. Inside the box was a photo album with pictures of Angela, Sunshine and I. Some were selfies and others were snapchats. It was labeled with captions and inside jokes. I wanted to cry. This made me so happy.

"Ang," I said a year slipping from my eyes.

"Don't cry." Angela said hugging me.

"I love you guys, you know that right?" I asked the two girls.

"We love ya too, junior." Sunshine teased smiling.

Maybe this day didn't have to suck.

~*~

"Did you not get my message?" I asked Asher who was sitting in his room at his piano.

"I did." He replied less than interested.

"So you were ignoring me?" I asked him crossing my arms.

"The world is much bigger than you and I." He said sighing and scribbling something out on his sheet music.

"Not my world. My world is you and I." I said sitting beside him on the bench.

"Why are you here?" He asked.

"To apologize. To fix things." I answered unsure of why I really was here.

"Apologize for what, Peyton Elizabeth?" He questions his eyes glued to his sheet music.

"For how I've been acting recently. I've been quick to blame you when I couldn't fix something." I explain.

"Hm." Asher hums nodding slowly.

"So nothing?" I asked.

"You want me to just accept your apology and pretend like it's all okay?" He asked monotone.

"No. I want you to accept my apology because I love you. Because you not forgiving me is worse than a life sentence. I'd take back everything I ever says if uncoils. But I can't, therefore I am showing you that in trying. I know we haven't had a conventional relationship. But that's what made us better than everyone else because why they were trying to impress the other we were being real with one another." I explained.

"You obviously need something I'm not supplying. You slept with Seth. That isn't exactly faithful." He points out.

"Yes I know. There's no excuse. If it makes you feel better I cried afterwards." To that Asher looked up quickly lowering his eyebrows.

"Did he hurt you?" He asked quickly. I shook my head.

"No. I was a mess. I couldn't stop thinking and it hurt me more than it should have. I couldn't stop wanting you and my sister and I was just a mess." I said thinking back to that bad night where I almost jumped.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there." He apologized finally looking at me. I licked over my lips and nodded.

"I'm a big girl. I can handle myself."

"That doesn't mean you should have to. Peyton, I would give you anything. Remember when I told you I would give you the moon? I spent days thinking about how I would give it to you. I wrote you a song. Or a sound. I tried to think about if the moon had words of it could sing what would it sound like. From there I wondered what it would say to you. And well listen." Asher says. He starts playing chords on the piano and then he starts singing.

"Trying to keep us both together

while the world tears us apart

come on hold on a little longer

we can take it from the start

sometimes we need a little magic

just to take away the pain

and at the end of it

we'll both have something more to gain.

Memories of all the truth and lies and sorrow in between

when I'd finally start to trust in you my thoughts would intervene

telling me I'd have no chance with something beautiful and true.

Not a friendship,

not a trust

and especially not you.

Holding on to the past

something we knew would never last,

tying our broken rubber band,

fighting it hard in no man's land.

Trying to keep it up when it all falls down

wanting to keep on moving can't turn back now

playing endlessly melodies around and around

but when your gone there's no sound." He stops.

"I didn't finish it. Like the words weren't there. I thought the moon would be a better translator." He says looking at me. I wanted to cry and laugh and smile and punch something. I wasn't sure how I felt about this. On one hand he'd just given me something I'd never be able to return. On the other hand he'd given me something I'd never be able to return. I could just go with it. Or I could cry.

"I loved it. I couldn't have asked for anything better than that." I said monotone.

"You don't sound enthusiastic." He frowns.

"On the inside I'm crying. Because no ones ever put that much thought into a gift for me. Not ever. For you to say that you think we shouldn't be together after you just-"

"I never said we shouldn't be together." He interrupted.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"I said I wasn't going to be able to automatically forgive you. We didn't even break up. 'Fuck you' isn't a proper break up. I think that right now we are both just...emotionally disconnected from everyone in our lives so we are pushing each other away to accommodate that feeling. I don't want to live a life without you." He said turning his full body towards me.

"Well as you see I'm trying to fix that."

"I know. But stupidity is the repetition of mistakes."

"And mistakes are the key to learning." I retort honestly.

"Well aren't you just one with words today."

"I learn from the best, Mr. Greene." I smiled flicking hair off of my shoulder.

"Did you really only come here to apologize?" He asked. He stood up from his piano closing the top and leaning against it.

"Well, yeah that was it. I just had a freaky Friday type morning. Cynthia actually said something in a maternal sense." I informed him.

"Really?" He asked not as shocked as I was.

"Yes, she was the one who said I should forgive Noel and should apologize to you." I said.

"Why would you need to forgive Noel?" He asked. I then went on a long explanation about yesterday and all the ups and downs. It felt good to confide in someone.

~*~

That night I was wearing a pair of black skinny jeans and a random tee shirt. I was sitting in the car with Angela, Sunshine, Asher, Christian, Shawn and Quinn. We were on our way to the poetry house for my 'surprise' party. Christian made me promise I'd at least pretend to be surprised at the sight of the old poets who were probably drunk on seven different types of alcohol. I groaned and leaned back in the car. Christian was driving and telling Shawn a story about Preston.

"It's a birthday. Be happy." Asher mumbled in my ear.

"Can you not see that I'm just fuming with happiness?" I asked sarcastically.

"I have one more present for you." He said softly. I look up at him and frowned.

"Why?" I asked. I didn't want to seem unappreciative to the fact that he actually got me another gift but honestly the song was enough.

"Because this is a going away present." He says.

"Where am I going?" I questioned.

"I'm leaving, Peyton." He said.

"I know, college." I said smiling crookedly at him. He sighed and nodded tiredly.

"I'll tell you after the party." Asher says as we pull up to the venue. I nod unsure and walk into the dark poetry house and wait by the door. The lights flick on showing a group of people.

"Surprise!" They yell. The place is covered with balloons and there's a banner that reads 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY POEM GILR!" In big bright purple letters. A few of my poetry house friends hug me and place a crown on my head. I smile and hug a few people happily.

"Thank you so much." I repeat hugging more and more of my friends.

Of my family.

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