When Asher's problem was fixed he joined us. But every time we made even the slightest eye contact I bust into fits of laughter. I'd slept with many guys. Well not many. But enough to know what really gets them going. Asher Greene was a sex God and yet I got him going without taking any clothes off. I felt oddly confident.
"So Peyton Elizabeth, I heard you went jogging earlier last week." Mrs. Greene said looking at Asher.
"Yes, and it is one of my highest regrets." I said biting into a carrot.
"Well, the lake has a path. Grant, Asher and I like to run it from time to time."
"Oh, I'll feel rather left out." I chuckled.
"I wouldn't let that happen." Asher said eating his chicken.
"Well I think everyone is interested in what you two have made of your relationship. Always sneaking off to do God knows what." Cynthia said smiling at me.
"Well with recent events, I think Asher has notice that it's a hard topic to stay on top of." I said smirking at my innuendo. Asher smiled at me
"Yeah, I agree. Both of our opinions stand erect no matter what anyone else says." I bit my lip muffling a laugh. Asher smiled at me as our families looked oblivious to what was going on.
"However the full and complete penetration of the topic requires a lot of thought." I said chuckling.
"We both, as growing adults, are having a hard time grasping the subject. It get moist and you fail to keep control." Asher said smirking.
"I think we should start slow, and build up the thrust." I added.
"If anything communication, our oral skills and all, could use much work."
"Yeah, with dating, some connections come quickly." I said. Asher laughed along with Cynthia at my ending joke. The remaining people at the table found no humor in Asher and my banner.
"Everyone's a critic." Cynthia chuckled shaking her head.
"Shit." I cursed looking into my vanity mirror.
"What is it?" Asher asked. His voice coming from my phone. After the dinner party the Greene's returned home and I called Asher the second he was safely in his room.
"My makeup is being a bitch." I muttered sighing and looking for a cleansing wipe.
"I told you, you look fine." He muttered a hint of sass in his voice.
"Shut the fuck up."
"I'm just being honest." He defends
"Shut the fuck up." I repeated wiping my face with a bit to much elbow grease.
"So, dinner was fun."
"I think you mean your appetizers." I teased braiding my hair for the night.
"Yeah, kind of disappointed I didn't get dessert."
"Slow down speedy." I muttered taking my clothes off and trading them in for pajamas.
"I've had a lot of fun today, you were a lot of fun." Asher says content clear in his raspy voice.
"You were a lot of fun too. Though I didn't expect any less." I said tugging on a pair of shorts.
"Ah. Peyton Elizabeth! How is it even when you compliment me you insult me?" He asked.
"Asher Greene, how is it you always make everything about me insulting you?"
"Oh God. Is it bad that I like you so very much, but I don't know a thing about you?" He asked. I curled into my covers and turned off the light.
"No, I know nothing about you either." I said running my hand down my palm.
"Chocolate milk or strawberry milk?" He asked.
"That's not even a legit question. Chocolate hands down."
"I don't like chocolate." He stated in monotone.
"You're satan." I replied.
"Do you not like puppies and beaches either?"
"Peyton, I did take you to the beach earlier this month."
"By force. Who the fuck hates chocolate. I'm literally so confused. That's probably the biggest flaw you have." I said biting back a laugh.
"Peyton, chocolate is fucking gross. I don't like putting that shit in my mouth."
"Well, Mr. Greene. Okay, um let's see. Movies or books?" I asked.
"Jack Black or Jim Carrey?"
"You ask horrible questions. Jim Carrey. Jack Black doesn't hold a candle to Jim Carrey." I said rubbing my hands on the embroidery on my blanket.
"I actually enjoy Jack Black's craft. His comedy is kind of ironic."
"Shut the fuck up."
"Fine, hot weather or cold weather?"
"Cold weather." He said without hesitation. I thought a moment not even really sure.
"I'm not sure. Cold is pretty gruesome but so is heat. Cold I guess."
"Dreamworks or Disney?"
"Dreamworks, Disney is hella mainstream."
"Disney is classic. Don't hate the classics."
"Grease 1 or Grease 2?" I asked.
"I haven't seen either." I almost hung up right then and there.
"Asher, your life is meaningless. You are the least cultured person I've ever met."
"Is it that important?"
"It's a milestone. Like Forrest Gump."
"What the hell?! Asher tell me you're kidding!"
"Is he a Vice President or something? An ambassador?"
"I've never hated anyone as much as I hate you right now."
"What am I supposed to do? I didn't know these things existed.
"Go get your computer now."
After four hours of teaching Asher about as much as I could. I fell asleep. In the morning I decided that if we would be engaging in activities later that day. I should at least shave my legs. I sat in the bathroom carefully cutting the jacket my leg had formed. While I was beautifying I decided to pluck my eyebrows. Many tears and profanities were spilled in the process. After brushing my teeth and curling my hair I successfully put on makeup. I knew I didn't have any great smelling perfume so I walked into my mother's room. I looked on her vanity and a moan came from her bed.
"Oh! Peyton Elizabeth!" Mindy said covering her body.
"Hello, Mindy." I sigh spraying the perfume on.
"Where's your father?" She asked.
"I don't know."
"It might be weird that I'm here."
"I don't care." I said. My mom walked in frowning at the naked Mindy in her bed.
"Hello, Mindy." She said snippy.
"Penelope." Mindy greeted smiling.
"I'm going to go get a cup of coffee. When I come back you will either leave on your own or leave by force. Is that clear Ms. Singer?" My mother asked cocking an eyebrow.
"Crystal." Mindy said forcing a smile.
"Good, come on Peyton. I'll make you a cup too." My mother said walking out of the room.
"Bye Mindy." I waved smiling at her shocked face.
So I made even more sex innuendos.