I tucked my shirt into my skirt and fixed my black socks as I got ready for school. Ethan called telling me he'd drop me off at home later today and I wasn't really in any rush. I heard a honk from outside and peeped out the window. I saw a black ranger rover parked outside beside it was a red Volkswagen I didn't know many people but the ones I did know didn't own a ranger rover or a Volkswagen. I grabbed my bag and walked outside and crossed my arms. The cars windows were tinted so I couldn't see inside.
"Hey!" I heard Angela shout from the driver seat of the black car. I sighed happy I wasn't being robbed or something like that.
"Hey!" I shouted back closing the door behind me and walking to the passenger seat.
"Get in I brought you coffee." She smiled bouncing in her seat. I slid into the car and grabbed the styrofoam cup with my name scribbled messily on it.
"Lovely." I muttered leaning back into the seat. The car was exceptionally clean. It was like a soccer mom or an important lawyer drove it. There were homework assignments strewn all over the floor not serving any real purpose other than to show she was a high school student.
"I hope you don't mind that I'm here. Asher gave me your address and I had to bring Danny and Ryan because they wouldn't let me go alone." She huffed pulling out of my housing and turning down another few roads.
"I hope you don't mind but we've gotta grab Hayley and Sunshine. We don't like Hayley either but she's Sunshine's step sister so she's an honorary member." Angela grumbled.
"She's fine. I guess she's just not my kind of person." I shrugged. I didn't like her having her nasty hands all over Asher.
"Asher likes you. We knew who you were. He asks about you, like before you guys started hanging out. And we knew you guys were going to the movies the other night." She admits.
"Wait, you guys talk about me?" I asked hiding a smile.
"Everyone likes you. You're chill." She shrugged.
"So why are all the seniors friends with Andy?" I asked.
"Because Andy is friends with you." She said as though it was the most obvious answer. I didn't seem like much on the outside and maybe not the inside but I must be something.
"Hmm, are we here?" I asked as we stopped in front of a huge house. Danny jumped out of the driver seat of the red car and at the same time a small girl with flowing brown hair that was almost so light it was almost blonde, ran from the door and right into Danny. He lifted her in the air and hugged her tightly.
"She was gone for two days. Danny is so fucking whipped." Angela smiled. Ryan walked to our car and sat in the back.
"Hey baby." He smiled at Angela brightly.
"Hey Ry," she smiled back licking her lips and biting her bottom one.
"Hey Peyton." He waved at me. I waved back smiling at the couple. This must have been why Asher never drove with them. He'd be coupled up with Hayley automatically. It was kind of gross to think about.
"Hurry up! We need to go to school." Angela shouted as Ryan got in the back seat of the car.
Lunch was fun too. Angela told me the play by play on each relationship. Hayley was more of Asher's fuckbuddy. They weren't real friends but they were sexually attracted to each other. Ryan was Angela's boyfriend and that was it. But Sunshine and Danny were a whole other story. They were so deeply in love that it was almost toxic. You couldn't hate them because their love was contagious.
"So Seth was a failed shot, huh?" Angela asked. We were trying to get to know each other but I think it only made most juniors jealous that I was basically a senior.
"Eh, I guess. It was more of a make out relationship." I shrugged dipping my french fries in sauce.
"Any guy would be lucky to fuck you." Ryan said scarfing down his meal and part of Angela's. Angela seemed so in love with the way he ate. It was mildly entertaining.
"Thanks, I don't know if I'm really looking for a guy right now. And if I was he'd have to be exceptional." I said struggling to find the word.
"Well, maybe you should come to Angela's dad's masquerade birthday bash." Sunshine jumped in finishing her braid and smiling at me.
"When is it?" I asked Angela.
"It's after the banquet that Mrs. Richardson is throwing. It should be around the weekend though." She said. I nodded. The table went into a lovely talk about colleges they were going into next year.
"I feel bad that we didn't meet each other earlier. We could've been great friends." Sunshine tells me smiling brightly. I chuckled and nodded agreeing that this would have been a good friendship. Asher didn't talk much. He only told me that he wanted to talk after lunch. I didn't have time for him. I didn't have time for him to lead me on and then drop me like I didn't matter.
"Peyton Elizabeth! Can we talk for a moment?" Asher asked motioning to the bottom of the stairs which was concealed by an empty classroom. I sighed and followed him to the door running my tongue through the slit my lips made.
"What do you want?" I asked softly. I was through playing these mind games with Asher. I was through playing any games with Asher.
"I don't know. I just need to be with you. You make me different." He said holding my hands.
"Asher, look, I can't be with you. I can't even be your friend. I-I can't have this stress on me. I mean I can't even manage my life let alone someone who doesn't know if he wants me or if he wants me." I said pulling my hand out from inside his own large ones.
"I know, I haven't been truthful with you but that's only because I don't know how to react with you. I don't know how you'll be if I say something not so right."
"You're already saying something not so right. You can't just want me when you know what to say." I said. His eyes closed momentarily as he searched for the right words.
"I can't be honest with you."
"Asher, I don't want censored. And I just think if you can't say it then it's not worth being thought. Just say what you feel. Be honest with me. I won't-" I was cut off by Asher's lips pressing against mine. I couldn't function, I was so confused and this was only fueling my uncertainty. His mouth was so warm and friendly. It was more awkward than sweet. It wasn't like a sparks flying kiss, it was a pretty good kiss but it didn't mean anything. I pressed my hands to his chest pushing him back slightly.
"Now tell me that wasn't the most confusing feeling you've ever experienced." I said sliding my hands down his chest. He sighed. It was weird when you were so honest with someone yet you weren't. Everything was just confusing. Every part of this was just extremely difficult for me to handle.
"So what should we do now?" He asked, his hands still holding my waist.
"Be my friend. When I'm ready we can see whatever is on the table but I don't need a boyfriend right now. I just need a friend." I said honestly. Asher's face was disappointed but not gutted. He understood. I needed him to know I wanted to kiss him just as badly but not right now. Not while I was unable to feel anything but negative emotions.
Dinner was odd. It was Quinn, my dad and mom and myself. The only sound was the clinking of utensils hitting and scraping at the plates. Or maybe it was the tusks of the giant elephant in the room clawing at our insides. I knew we all had this feeling in our stomachs. We all felt absolutely nothing. I've never felt nothing before. It was really different. You'd imagine it'd be hard to call it. But it wasn't. You felt like there was nothing inside. It felt like looking in a jar filled with darkness. You know nothing's there. But you slide you hand in and search for something. You don't even know what you're looking for but you panic because you know that if you don't find it that you are utterly and completely empty. There's nothing left.
"How was school?" My mother asked Quinn and I. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair.
"I kissed Asher Greene." Which was said by me at the same time as Quinn said,
"What?!" My parents said looking back and forth between us.
"You kissed Asher?" Quinn asked.
"Fuck that you're pregnant?" I asked gasping. My father looked between us realizing both of us held the fate of his career in our hands. On one side he had one daughter who held his boss's son's heart in her careless hands and on the other side he had a daughter who was carrying a baby. His eyes widened as he realized he could either cut he red wire or the blue one. He just had to decide which one would detonate the bomb.
"Quinn how do you know you're pregnant?" Boom.
"I took a test, Kate's brother's girlfriend gave it to me." She said staring at her plate.
"When was this?" Our mother asked.
"About, two days ago at the sleepover." She said pushing her potatoes into a pile.
"When did you, um, have sex? And with who?" My father asked obviously uncomfortable.
"When I went out the night after Peyton got busted for getting drunk." She said. I gasped. That was over a month ago. If being a fuck up was genetic Quinn was literally spot on.
"Who did it?" I asked trying to help out my dumbstruck parents.
"Heath Williams." She said. I bit my lip sighing ever so lightly. Heath Williams was the son of a prestigious professor at Harvard and a world renowned neurosurgeon. He was also a senior. A senior with a full ride soccer scholarship to Brown and also any international soccer college he chose. That baby was system bound.
"What do you want I do?" I asked.
"It doesn't matter what she wants to do. We are getting rid of it." My father said hitting the table.
"What?!" Quinn and I asked in unison.
"You didn't think I was letting you keep it? No, this weekend you, Ethan and Peyton Elizabeth will drive up to Colorado and have the baby removed. When you get back you won't talk about it. You won't even think about that baby." My father said angrily. I shut my eyes.
"I-I can't give the baby up." Quinn said tears welling up in her eyes.
"Well, if you don't you can leave. I'll give you a plane ticket and seventy-five thousand dollars. You can go as far away as you'd like. You can change your name and we can say you ran away. You won't contact us and you can raise that baby on your own." He said. Her features twisted in the most disgusted way.
I recalled one memory of being young with Quinn and Ethan. Us swearing that we'd name our first born after one another. We swore that nothing in this world would be more important than being a parent to that child. We would do whatever we could to not be like our birth parents. And it was obvious now that even at the young age of 14 years old, Quinn could remember that same memory.
"But the baby is mine." She whined unable to remove her hands from her stomach which hadn't even presented a bump.
"Stephanie Quinn! You have 24 hours to make your decision. In 24 hours we will be in my office discussing this issue. Until then no one says a word about it out of this house. Understood?" He asked us. We all nodded our heads sighing sadly.
"Now, Peyton Elizabeth are you and Asher dating?" He asked pushing his food aside and folding his hands on the table.
"Asher and I talked about it. I realized I'm not ready to be in a relationship right now and I-"
"Well you should have thought about that before you kissed him. You are going to do whatever it is to make and keep Asher Greene happy. Do I make myself clear?" He asked.
"You can't force me to date Asher."
"I can do what I please. If you choose not to comply with my rules I will cut off everything you have. Cell phone, car, allowance. Give all that up for sexual attraction?" He asked. At this point I saw the evil pitiful man my father truly was.
"I can get a job." I threatened. He laughed in my face.
"Penelope, leave." My father demanded my mother. She stood up and scurried off walking up the stairs sending both me and Quinn apologetic looks.
"I am your savior. Both of your saviors. Most foster kids end up on the streets prostituting themselves off to disgusting overrated thugs and men who need a quick hit. You two live like princesses and yet you both are nothing but ungrateful little bastards. Now, neither of you know what it's like in the real world for an orphan. So, I'm about to show you. Put your shoes on. We are going out." He said standing from his seat. Quinn and I stood up slowly walking to the door and slipping on our shoes. We followed our father out to the car and say in the back. Quinn wrapped her fingers around my own and I found myself scared. I was rarely ever scared. I never had anything to be scared of. But at this moment in time. I was terrified. I saw how my father was with grown men. He killed. He ended lives with the press of a button. I closed my eyes and thought about the beach. Asher and the beach. Slow breaths. Asher and the beach. Slow breaths.
I'd recite this as the drive dragged on. I didn't think we'd ever stop but when we did I found myself wishing we hadn't. Wishing I could somehow protect both Quinn and myself from what was to come.
"Come on girls we haven't all day." He said taking us into a run down motel. There was one bed and two chairs. My breathing continued on heavily. Asher, Asher, Asher.
"Stay here. Stephanie Quinn bed, Peyton Elizabeth you can take the chair." He said walking out of the room.
"What is he doing?" Quinn asked frantically.
"Stay calm. What's the happiest memory you can remember?" I asked her quickly. I didn't know how much time we had before he returned.
"Um, uh, I don't know. Um, when we went to Atlantic city and we stayed at that hotel and we-we made um that cake. We made cake!" She said tears falling from her eyes.
"Whatever happens, think of that. Think of us back there with the cake and whatever else you need to remember." I instructed harshly. She nodded and shut her eyes. I mentally thought about Asher and the beach. I kept my eyes open making sure we were safe.
The door opened and behind our father stood two men. Both seemed like drug dealers. I prayed they weren't.
"These are my friends, Boris and Matthew." My father said pointing to a balding man first and then nodding towards a shaggy haired, scruffily bearded one after.
"You see, Boris here is a pimp. He gets a lot of orphans. He knows how to treat them. And Matthew is a sex trafficker. Like a pimp but they are much more reckless." My father explained. My eyes went slowly from each man to the other.
"They are here to demonstrate what they do when one of there employees are misbehaving." He said sitting in the other chair. Boris smiled at Quinn and I immediately jumped up. But was pulled down by Matthew.
"Uh uh, you'll get your turn Peyton Elizabeth. Boris hurry up I've got a meeting in the morning." He snapped leaning back in his chair. Boris pinned Quinn to the bed letting his hands trail up her skirt and her shirt.
"Stop!" I shouted only to have a hand cover my hand. I protested louder as Quinn bashed and thrashed underneath the man. He only became more violent. Asher and beaches. Asher and beaches. I couldn't shut my eyes. I had to watch. I had to make sure she was safe. My stomach churned as I watched the man violate Quinn. I couldn't stop crying as I watched her cry and shout as the man inserted himself inside her. I could only watch and cry and hate myself. Hate myself for being so weak and pitiful. I kicked my leg only to have myself thrown on the floor. I rolled over and grabbed for something anything to defend myself with.
"Help!" I shouted crying as Mathew slapped my face. I grabbed my cheek and yelled out in pain as my cheek turned red. My shirt was ripped off and so was my skirt. I cried and shouted only to be ignored and slapped harder. I couldn't see Quinn anymore but I knew Boris was holding me down. I kept fighting. But the entire time the only thought in my mind was Asher and beaches.
15 miles. I walked 15 miles home with Quinn on my back or in my arms. She couldn't walk. She was so hurt and banged up that she couldn't even talk. I cried as I dragged her into the house. I walked the whole way in bare foot and in a pee stained sheet from the bed. My father. Scratch that. Allan Andrews drove home with his sexual predators after they finished with us. His car wasn't in the driveway and I mentally prayed. Ha, why pray when I'd probably end up just like this again. I walked in and laid Quinn in her room locking her door. I sat in the shower letting the ice cold water hit me. I cried loudly. I didn't care anymore. Fuck it. Fuck everyone. I shouted loudly at 2 am. When I finally turned the hot water on it wasn't hot enough to wash the disgustingness that Matthew left on me. I couldn't scrub hard enough let alone wash it away with dumb ass dove soap. I finally left the bathroom and I went to bed. I didn't sleep. I called Andy. I stood on my roof and calls Andy.
Voicemail. The mother fucker sent me to voicemail.
"Look you dumb ass mother fucker. I hate you. I hate that you chose sex over me. I care about you idiot and you not talking to me is literally killing me. Something happened tonight. I need to tell you. I need to know it'll be alright. Because right now I'm standing on my roof and I've got 99 reasons to jump but I'm looking for one reason not to. Call me back." I said hanging up. I stood at the edge of the roof and looked down. I let one foot hang loose and closed my eyes. Asher on the beach forever. I moved forward and my phone rang.
"Don't jump." The voice said. It wasn't Andy's.
"Why not?" I asked.
"Because, if you do I'll just catch you. And if you try again. I'll catch you. If you drown I'll give you CPR. If you hang yourself I'll cut the rope. If you overdose I'll pump your stomach. If you shoot yourself I'll step in front. Because I care. If you are looking for a reason to stay, then look for me. Because you're my reason to stay even when you're my reason to leave. Even when I'm hurting you, even when I can't anymore. You're my reason. Let me be yours." The voice said.
"Where are you Asher?" I asked sliding back in my room and shutting the window.
"You called me by accident. I was sleep but I listened to your message." He said.
"You make it hard to hate you."
"You make it even harder to not love you."
"Go to sleep." He demanded.
"Can you come over? Sleep on my floor?" I asked.
"How about I stay on the phone until you fall asleep?" He asks.
"Sounds good." I said wrapping myself in blankets.
"I hope so." He said. He was my reason. He would be my reason to stay even when it would be so much easier to leave.
So this is my life. I write you guys sad ass stories and hope you guys comment. Honestly if you don't cry during this you have no soul because all I did was cry. It was so real. This is based on a true story though. The person I used it from said as long as I didn't use her name that it'd be fine. She's fine. She's stronger than me. I wouldn't have made it. The idea to have her rape in here was her closure. I love you baby thanks for reading and thank you everyone for reading my super stupid story.