The next morning was quiet. I wasn't crying any longer instead I was dry heaving, sighing and gasping for breath. My eyes were dimmed light red and my head ached.
My mother was still sleep. She snored lightly as I laid on the floor fully dressed crying. I walked into the bathroom and locked the door. I turned on the shower and sat inside it. My makeup ran and my clothes began to soak. The water washed over me as I sobbed heavily. I needed to let it out. I needed to take a me day. A day to worry about me. A day for myself. I shut the water off and walked through the house dripping all over and not honestly caring. I walked up to my room and took out a years worth of allowance and packed a bag for myself. I didn't even bother to change. I packed my car up and drove away. I was going to think for myself.
I walked into a hotel by the beach that had a gorgeous view and could see the widened eyes of the staff.
"Um, ma'am how may we help you?" A posh girl asked wearing a suit jacket and smiling oddly.
"I'll take your relaxation special." I mumbled sighing heavily.
"Okay, how long is your stay?" The lady asked.
"Just a day. I just need a day." I said.
"Alright, here's your key card. Call us if you have any difficulties." The lady said handing me a swipe card. I grasped it and smiled walking off with my bags in tow. I heard my clothes make squeegee sounds and turned around smiling apologetically. The lady dismissed it shrugging me off.
The room was lovely. It literally had one wall that was all glass. The entire room was stocked with TV, movies and Netflix. I smiled and turned my phone off sticking it in my bag. This was 'me' day. I was the thing I needed to worry about. I pull out the most comfortable pair of pajamas I had and called room service.
"Hello, yes. I'm in room H 89 and I'd like to order two pizzas and a milkshake. One pizza cheese and the other ham and bacon. Oh and can I have a pint of cookies and cream ice cream? Thank you." I said hanging up and getting in the shower. I washed up quickly and dried off not bothering to brush my teeth yet. I didn't need to worry about looking good. I was worried about me.
Tears welled up in my eyes as I watched Jack float off the makeshift raft as Rose let him go.
"There was enough room for the both of you on that raft!" I screamed throwing popcorn at the tv and eating another spoon full of ice cream. The entire day had been spent on me watching romantic chick flicks and eating food. I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I didn't even think about going home or whatever wrong had happened in my life. I'd never felt so powerful in my life. I even jumped on the bed. I jumped in my underwear and I laughed. I made jokes and I really laughed. I even slept. For once in the past 3 years I slept without the fear my mother was having an episode. I slept and I laughed and I lived. Because I focused on me. Because I was the center of the universe for the first time in a long time. Because I was important. I decided I was going to parent myself. When the clock on the side of my bed struck 12 o'cock I smiled as I turned everything off and went to sleep. Tomorrow I would return home and I would deal with my problems. But tonight I would worry about nothing. I would worry about nothing.
I smiled and sighed. It would feel so much better if everyone in my life didn't confuse me. If my heart would just tell me what to do. Or even better, if my mom would tell me what to do. She could fix all my problems.
"If only," I mused sadly. My heart tugged softly and I sighed heavily. My mind strayed off to Asher. I mentally scoffed. Asher was basically off limits. He was the most eligible bachelor in school yet he was so confusing. It made me question if any of this was really worth it. If all these dreams and thoughts were even worth it. Was any of this shit I endured worth something? Was this life worth it?
I paid for the entire night I was there and any extra things in cash. The lady smiled and told me to come back soon. I nodded and chuckled as I walked my stuff out to my car. The ride back was slow. It was like each individual tree I past took about 2 blocks to get by. I hadn't even turned my phone on, I just needed to get situated at home first. Before I started throwing worried faces in my own.
The house was dark, it was empty. I sighed heavily in relief as I quickly climbed the stairs to my bedroom and locking myself up there. I turned on my phone and most messages were asking where I was or telling me to answer my fucking phone. I rolled my eyes and deleted each message except one. It was from Asher.
I'm not sure if we are on speaking terms or if I hurt you in any way. Just, please call me when you can? xx Asher
I sighed heavily shaking my head at the message. Of course I forgave him. Even if we aren't on speaking terms I still wanted to talk to him. To hear him say my name and ask me questions. I wanted to be back on the beach. I dialed his number and closed my eyes as it rang.
"Peyton Elizabeth." His voice was soft on the other side of the line. He sounded breathless and winded.
"Hey, I just wanted to tell you I was fine." I lied staring at my nails.
"Oh! That's great, can I come over a bit later? I wanted to talk to you about some things." He said grunting and then sighing.
"Um, sure. I'll be here." I promised awkwardly. I hung the phone up and laid in my bed breathing heavily so I didn't seem so alone. I looked out the window and noticed an unfamiliar car in the driveway. I stalked down the stairs looking for any traces of intruders among myself. There were groans and giggles around the corner and I couldn't help but think my house was possessed by an evil demon spirit.
"Oh! Allan." The voice muttered. I almost threw up when I heard the voice moan my fathers name.
"Dad?!" I shouted hoping he wasn't home.
"Peyton Elizabeth?" He asked sounding disoriented. I rounded the corner and cocked an eyebrow looking at my father sitting next to Mindy. She had a brownie in her hand and my father looked rather bothered.
"Hey, is everything alright?" I asked walking to the refrigerator. My father babbled something incoherently as I eyed the two suspiciously.
"Everything is just peachy." Mindy smiled as I plucked a brownie off of the plate on the stove.
"Alright. Uh, Asher is coming over later." I informed biting into the brownie. It melted in my mouth making a soft moan of pleasure slip my lips.
"Asher Greene?" Mindy asked curiously.
"Yeah," I mumbled shrugging it off.
"Oh, well that's nice. I should be on my way anyhow." Mindy smiled oddly at my father and then proceeded out of the house.
"I have a bit of work to get done. I'm going to head over to my study." My dad said clearing his throat. I nodded taking another brownie off the plate.
"Alright." I muttered.
"Get yourself together. You're having guest over." He said sternly snatching the brownie from my hands. A huff fell from my lips falling on to the floor and rolling in the tension Mindy and my father had dropped only moments ago. I watched as it tried to appear strong but faltered and just laid there. Laid there helplessly.
I hadn't realized how small my room was compared to Asher's. When I was at his house it seemed like we weren't as alone as I knew we were. In my room it was just us. It was so private and I could barely breathe because it was mostly air he'd already oxygenated or carbonated. However that works.
"Are you alright?" He asked sitting on my bed which compared to his seemed like a crib.
"Why do you keep asking if I'm alright? I'm fine. You don't have to watch over me." I spit annoyed.
"You have a tendency to cry around me. I was just making sure you weren't going to have a breakdown." He retort.
"Trust me, I'm fine."
"That's the problem, I don't trust you." He said.
"Then why are you here?" I asked.
"I don't know."
"Are you here because your blowjob blonde isn't satisfying?" I asked.
"You're jealous of Hayley." He smiled almost proud of himself.
"I'm not jealous of her." I defended licking my bottom lip.
"Yes you are. That's why you left alone last night. Because I'm having relations with her." He said. I frowned staring at his eyes. He was dead on. He literally figured me out so completely that it scared me.
"Why do you talk differently around me?" I asked changing the subject.
"Because you have made it very clear that we aren't friends." He said. I rolled my eyes and ran a hand through my hair.
"So am I." He replied with a straight face. I scoot over on the bed making enough space for me to breathe my own air without it being contaminated by his.
"Why are you here?" I asked again now more serious.
"You said I could come over."
"You asked. You said you needed to tell me some things."
"What?" I asked not exactly clear on what he had said.
"Nothing." He muttered in all seriousness.
"Asher, answer my question. What are you doing here?" I asked honestly. His eyes softened making the grey in them seem to melt around the blue. I was enchanted.
"I want you to forgive me. I needed to be with you." He said looking at his hands. I couldn't lead on to the fact that I had already forgave him the minute I walked out of that restaurant.
"Stop being a jerk."
"I'm not sure what you mean."
"Stop saying you want to be friends but then acting weird. Stop acting weird." I commanded. He seemed honestly confused.
"Stop, trying to get in my pants." I said spelling it out for him. He chuckled softly.
"Peyton Elizabeth, if I wanted to get in your pants I would've been in and out by now." He said smirking at me. Humor was written all over his face in some sort of twisted emotion.
"Nice to know." I said honestly a bit unsure of what he was hinting at?
"I should probably go." He said getting up to leave. I nodded walking him out.