"I don't understand." I said staring at Seth. He'd came over early the next morning saying what he had to say couldn't wait.
"You're just really- intense." He repeated scratching the back of his neck.
"I'm intense? I'm sorry, I honestly have no clue what you are implying." I said offended.
"You are awesome, I just think you deserve someone who can be as intense as you."
"Explain intense." I said scoffing.
"You live for the moment. I live for the days to come." He explained.
"So you're breaking up with me?" I ask.
"I think it's best, I mean we weren't even really dating." He said.
"Alrighty then, happy to have cleared that up then." I said harshly.
"I mean, we can still be friends and all." He offers.
"Nah, I've got enough of those." I said closing the door. Surprisingly I wasn't broken. I wasn't totally and absolutely gutted. Instead I was just relieved. Relieved that this was all over and that I could focus more on what was important.
"Who was that?" Quinn asked putting her hair in a bun.
"Nobody important." I smiled smugly. She cocked and eyebrow but let it go.
"Anyways, last night. Are you good?" She asked walking to stand in front of me.
"Yeah, I'm just tanked with all this shit about mom and now I've got Andy running around without his meds." I said shaking my head.
"You don't have to worry about that. Andy isn't your responsibility." She said sitting by me on the couch.
"But he's my best friend. I'd feel terrible if something happened and I wasn't there. To stop it, I mean." I said.
"He's your best friend. Not your son." She said.
"I know. But-"
"But it's time to stop making excuses for someone who has done nothing these last 11 years other than stress you the hell out." She said honestly.
"If something happens it's on him and his parents. You can't be everyone's parents. You can't parent us and another family. Yesterday was real. You came home late and you cried. That was real. And you can't hide everything real. Who is taking care of you? Who is parenting you?" She asked her blue eyes soft as she asked the question. I was trembling now and at the start of tears.
"I can't afford to have feelings. Not now. Maybe some other time." I said.
"Feelings aren't recorded shows. You can't just keep pushing them off until the next day."
"Yeah, I know but you'll get to them eventually." I said walking up the stairs. I was going to hide in my room until things cooled down in my head.
I stood in front of the big house and sighed heavily. Andy wasn't answering my calls and even Priscilla didn't want to hang out. This was my very last resort. I looked at my hair and outfit in the mirror. White ripped skinny jeans, a led zeppelin teeshirt with a black and red flannel and a red pair of vans. I ran a hand through my hair and rung the doorbell.
"Peyton Elizabeth! What a surprise? What can I help you with?" Mrs. Greene asked.
"Oh! I was just wondering if Asher was home?" I said sweetly. She smiled clearly surprised.
"Um, you're looking for Asher?" She asked obviously trying to get me to confirm.
"Is he not home? I can come back later if needed." I offered.
"No! No need, he's in the basement with his father watching tv." She said making room for me to walk through. I smiled shyly at her and walked downstairs to the basement. A huge TV was set up with movie theater chairs. I ran my hand through my hair nervously again licking my lips quickly. I walked up to the third row of seats where Asher and his father were and cleared my throat. Asher looked up and smiled softly.
"Peyton Elizabeth," He said tiredly. I had to admit that it was a tad adorable.
"Asher, hey, I was wondering if you wanted to go for a walk?" I said dumbly. Mr. Greene looked up at me and smirked at Asher who turned red with the action. Asher stood up and took my hand pulling me up stairs. We didn't stop walking until we were in his room. I walked to his bed and say on it letting my body relax.
"Do we really have to walk? I like to add as much as I love this new found friendship I really don't like walking." He said honestly laying next to me with respected distance.
"Yeah, no. It was my lame attempt as a code or whatever." I said playing with a loose thread on his blanket.
"In that case, how are you?" He asked.
"Seth broke up with me." I said slightly smiling.
"Oh, did he say why?"
"He claims I'm too intense and need to find someone as intense as I am." I said repeating Seth's words from earlier.
"Intense? Like motorcycle gangs and adrenaline enthusiasts?" He asked. I chuckled softly.
"I like that, that's what intense means to you." I said looking up at him. He was looking at me with that look of endearment I'd seen his father give his mother.
"It's pretty ambiguous." He replied. I stared at him and I was back at yesterday where we almost kissed, not even almost. What would that be called? Almost almost kissed? Sounds like a cheesy chick flick that has Reese Witherspoon in it.
"How about your mom?" He asked bringing me back to reality.
"Um, fine. She's fine- for now I mean." I chuckled humorlessly. "It hurts to think about. Not having her, not talking to her because she's so sick that she might die." I said. He knitted his eyebrows together unsure of what to say.
"A lot, is happening for you and you aren't feeling. You need to take a you day or week. You need to focus on what makes you happy. Get in touch with Peyton Elizabeth." He said. I nodded in understanding. I was losing touch with my inner me. I needed a day.
"I don't have the time." I complained. It was all a lie I was a busy girl. I just needed this outlet before I went to Andy's house.
"Well, make time. Make a day for you." He said.
"How do you know I'm not taking one right now?" I challenged.
"Because would you really spend your day talking to me?" He retort.
"Valid point." I agreed looking over at him. His eyes were glowing in the sunlight and he was biting his lip like he wanted to say something couldn't.
"What about you? How are you?" I asked him.
"I'm fine." He shrugged
"Yes, I'm sufficiently happy. My life is good and I have not many worries." He stated.
"It's your last year of high school and you're worried about nothing?"
"I said I don't have many worries."
"That's short for none but you aren't getting any." I smirked at him.
"Why are you so worried about what I have to worry about?" He asked.
"Because as your new friend, I have a duty to getting you laid." I chuckled.
"That's not what I need." He defended
"Shut up and take it. So, is there a girl you've got your eye on?" I asked
"One." He said not looking at me.
"Okay, what is she like? Or do you not know?" I asked.
"I really don't want to talk about it." He said blushing.
"Alright, but I do want to repay you for yesterday." I said honestly. His cheeks were tinted red but he composed himself quickly after.
"Maybe a movie? You could pay for everything." He shrugged.
"Deal, a move would be nice." I said sliding off his bed.
"I'll be around later." I said walking out of his room and down the stairs. Mrs. Greene smiled at me as I left.
Andy wouldn't talk to me. He didn't even want me round his place.
"Andy? Please tell me what's going on." I begged following around his house.
"Peyton, I need you to just trust me." He said annoyed.
"Are you taking your medicine."
"Enough! Peyton Elizabeth! Enough with the medicine! Now I'm asking you nicely, leave." He said anger in his eyes.
"11 years of bullshit." I said walking out of the house. Priscilla was walking down the street and I waved her down.
"Oh hello, Peyton Elizabeth." She laughed nervously.
"Hey, it's been awhile. How are you?" I asked actually interested.
"Fine, I'm really busy so can we talk later?" She asked.
"Totally." I smiled. I got in my car and Priscilla walked right into Andy's house. My mouth fell agape and I sighed heavily. Maybe they were fuck buddies. They were all over each other at the party.
"Just drive, drive and drive and drive until you run out of gas." I told myself. I made myself a deal. If the stop light stayed green I would do just that. But if it turned red I would go home. I drove down the street eyeing the stop light. And at the last moment.
It turned red.
I don't hate these as much