"My biggest fear is that sooner or later you will see me the way I see myself... Some days I feel everything at once. Other days I feel nothing at all, and I can't tell what one is worse. Eventually you will leave, you will see who I really am and disappear with the night." She whispered
"Blaire.. My thoughts can't move an inch without bumping into a piece of you, I can't stop myself from constantly falling for you, I know your scared right now but you've taught me what it's like to want someone so much that it hurts, to love someone so much you would do anything for them. There is nothing you can ever do to lose me. "
I spent all my time trying to fix her that I didn't realized she was breaking me. Tearing my heart apart into a thousand tiny pieces. That's when I knew I was completely I love with her.


2. Chapter Two.

~~"I'm Harry, Harry Styles." The boy with the lip ring spoke he had freakishly green eyes and chestnut brown hair, his tattoos stretched from his wrist all the way up to around his collar bone.

"This is my mate Niall." He motioned towards the boy with the blonde hair, his tattoos stretched from his wrist to his shoulder, the only difference between the two boys was the fact that Niall's ink had a lot of color while Harry's was black and white with shade added in places.

"I'm Blaire, Blaire Reynolds." I said taking each of the hands being handed to me. I shook them and smiled.

"So Blaire, we should get going, mum is making dinner for us to welcome you." I did what i did best, i nodded.

Harry took my bag and i followed the boys out of the airport and into a car. I sat in the front next to Harry, it was so weird seeing the difference between America and the U.K. I sucked on my lip and pulled my jacket down further onto my arms, something i did when i felt self- conscious.

Harry started the car and music immediately flooded the car, i flashed a quick grin when i recognized the song, but quickly hid it before the boys could see.

It wasn't long into the ride that Niall started asking questions. stupid stuff like my music taste and what i like to do for fun, then Harry piped in, "so Blaire, how old are you exactly? and what the hell did you do to land here with us?" he laughed. I didn't think it was funny, i looked him dead in the eyes, "I'm 18, almost 19. " i answered ignoring the last part of his question. Instead i unbuckled my seatbelt and took my pack of cigarettes out of my pocket, taking one out and placing it between my lips, i stuck the pack back in my pocket before getting comfortable and lighting the nicotine stick. i cracked the window before closing my eyes and taking a long drag of the thing i so desperately craved. I looked back at the boys, their faces were priceless. i took another hit, blowing the smoke out watching it swirl around Harry before circling back to my side of the car and going out the window.

"Blaire, what the fuck do you think you're doing!" Niall yelled, i just let out a breathy laugh.

"Last time i checked i'm doing this thing called smoking, so Niall why don't you calm your ass down and relax."

"Mate you're 18, you're gonna kill yourself before you're 40 if you keep that up.." he spit

"oh well.." i muttered keeping the straight face on. I finished my smoke and flicked it out the window. Moments later we pulled it to a long driveway, and up to a huge house. The car stopped and both boys jumped out. I slowly followed, we walked up to the door and into a big room where a woman stood.

"Hello love you must be Blaire, i'm Anne, Harry's mum." she brought me into a hug, i winced as she brushed over my sore bruise. She continued to talk, "Me and your father have been friends since our first year of university, or what you call college i believe. So you will be with us for a while. I see you have met Harry, and Niall. Louis and Liam are coming over for dinner later, you should get used to them, they will be here the most considering my work schedule." I nodded zoning out halfway through her talk. "Alright well, Harry please show Blaire to her room, and help her settle in."

"alright, Blaire you can come with me, i'll show you around." Harry spoke, taking my bag and walking down the hall and up some stairs, i just followed behind him not saying a word. He walked down a small hallway and stopped at the end, he pushed open a door and stepped inside, he placed my bag on the bed and spoke. "This is your room, mine is the one right next door incase you need anything, the bathroom in across the hall and the other boys rooms are at the other end of the hall. I'll let you settle in and i will come get you when dinner's ready." he smiled before walking out of the room and shutting the door. I slowly sat on the bed and scanned over the room, i started to unpack, i put my clothes in the dresser that lined the wall and my makeup bag on top of it. i lined my several pairs of shoes next to the dresser and started hanging the many quotes onto the wall. Most of which i've made myself. When i finished i change into a pair of leggings and a old band tee shirt, i took my hair out of the bun, and brushed it out. I replaced my nose ring from a stud to an actual ring and put my lip stud back in. I sighed in relief when i looked into the small mirror that was hanging on the wall, i looked so much more like myself. I walked over to the bed and laid on it, listening to music on my phone. After awhile i heard a knock on my door and then it open, Harry peaked his head through letting me know that dinner was ready and it was time to eat. I groined standing up and walking out of the room after Harry, When we reached the dinner table, i was greeted by niall and two other boys.

They introduced themselves as Louis Tomlinson, and Liam Payne. I said my hello's and sat down. Anne came into the room and set a couple of plates of food down on the table. We began to eat when Anne spoke up. "So Blaire, there is a few rules i would like you to know and follow while you are living with us, First off, there is no throwing any type of parties without my permission. There is a curfew of 9:30 on weekdays and 11 on weekends. There will be no alcohol, drugs or cigarettes until you are the legal age, 19 for drinking and 22 for smoking or drugs (A/n I made those rules up, just an fyi.) There will be no bringing any boy home past the hours of 7. and if you have a friend who is a boy over they will be forced to leave at 8. You will respect the boys and me, and lastly No sex! try not to have feelings, we are trying to help you, not make you feel worse." My face must of looked shocked because everyone was staring at me. I suddenly lost my appetite. "okay, i guess.. can i be excused, i'm not feeling too well." i asked trying my best not to puke everywhere. "Of course love, come back if you start to feel better." Anne said in a loving tone, i jumped out of my seat and ran up the stairs to the bathroom, i shut the door, and barely made it to the toilet. I gagged as i felt the contents of my stomach come up my throat and out of my mouth, even the word 'sex' makes me sick. Every Time someone says something that reminds me of that night with Nate it makes me physically sick. After all i can think about is what he did to me, and how he can still do it to me if he wants, it reminds me how vulnerable i am. I stuck my head deeper into the toilet and flushed after a while. I heard a knock on the door, "Blaire, are you alright?" I didn't answer, i just sat next to the toilet as a single tear fell from my eye. "Blaire? i'm coming in" the voice yelled through the door. It was Louis who walked through the door, he sat next to me and rubbed my back as i threw myself back into the toilet. he held my hair back and whispered soothing words to me. Little did he know they weren't going to help.

When i was done puking my guts out, i stood up and brushed my teeth, i thanked louis for his 'help' and walked across the hall into my room, i slammed the door shut and just layed in the bed, pulling at my hair, screaming only loud enough for me to hear. This life sucked. He ruined me, and because of him i'm going insane. I can't even hold a guy's hand without having a flashback of Nate on top of me. I thought my dad was bad when he got drunk but after that night, i realized that my dad's drunken rampages were nothing compared to what Nate did to me and continues to do to me in my dreams every night. The worst part is that i thought i was in love with him, he was my world, but to him i was only a piece of ass he could use whenever he wanted.

I eventually broken down and gave into my tears. I wrapped myself in the blanket and cried my eyes out. All the tears i've held in for four months had finally came down on me and i felt as if i was drowning. I pulled at my hair and scratched at my inked wrists, i was in my own kind of hell, trapped, and nobody could tell. I was part of a masked world, the type where on the inside the broken sleep and breath through their own hell , begging for someone to help, only for the outside to disguise it and pretend like everything's alright, hiding the half dead person from the real world, the world that caused the pain. I rolled over and noticed that it was almost midnight, and i wasn't asleep yet, instead of trying to sleep i grabbed my notebook and wrote.

Sadness 'November 7th 12:06am - U.K

' The way sadness works is one of the strangest riddles of the world. I know what it's like to be afraid of your own mind. I acted like it didn't bother me, but inside it was slowly destroying me. i've come to learn were all in the same game; just different levels , dealing with the same hell, some people just aren't meant to be saved. The truth is they like the pain, they like it because they think they deserve it, and maybe that's why i love the pain more than myself.

I wear that same smile i don't believe in, inside i feel like i'm screaming. I don't understand it and i can't explain it all i know is i'm not brave anymore, i'm broke.

The sadness is just a dark place where we can try and forget about the problems reality has given us, But in the real world just cause you're breathing doesn't mean you're actually alive.

I took a couple of breath's before closing the book and my eye's i began to drift into a soft sleep.

It wasn't long until i woke up though. I looked at the time and sighed when it was only 6:30 am. I just laid there listening to music and thinking. My mind kept flashing to Harry, the way his curls fell and his heart shaped lips sat perfect on his face. His emerald green eyes shined like the stars making him that much more attractive. I snapped out of it and pranced over to the window i opened it and chuckled when i discovered that the roof was right outside my window.

I opened the window and through my blanket and pillow out the window onto the roof, i ran over to my dresser and grabbed a sweatshirt, throwing it over my bare arms, i took my cigarettes out of my sock drawer and grabbed another blanket, i carried it out the window, setting the first blanket directly on the roof, i laid my pillow on top of it and the sat on it, i laid my head on the pillow and started a smoke. i inhaled the sweet smoke and blew it out, enjoying the light sound of music coming from harry's window. i started up at the stars and for the first time in a while i smiled a genuine smile. not the fake kind i had been so accustomed to. A real one. I laid smiling on the roof, until the sun came up and i heard Niall yelling for me. I decided i should go find out what he wanted before he found out what i was doing, i took everything back into my room and then i hurried up and got dressed, i threw on my dark blue ripped skinny jeans, my 'Meow' sweatshirt, and red vans. I did my makeup natural and then put my hair in a weird fishtail,braid thing. I ran down the stairs twisting my friendship bracelets on my wrist, i always had them on, i never take them off. My name was being called again this time by Liam.

"I'm coming!" I yelled running down the stairs and into the kitchen, i was met by the boys and Anne she had a rather large suitcase with her.

"Alright, Blaire i just informed the boys about this and now it is your turn. I am going on a work trip for about a month or so, i expect you to be respectful and responsible. The boys are in charge of you while i'm gone, so don't try and pull anything do you hear me?!" She asked sounding rather stressed.

"Yes ma'am." i responded giving her a hug goodbye. she walked out the door and into a taxi. I walked further into the kitchen to smell the wonderful smell of food. Liam was cooking while the other boys wandered into the living area. "Can i help?" i asked him trying not to sound too desperate. "Of course, here cut these strawberries up please." he motioned toward the counter where a knife and a box of strawberries sat. i nodded and made my way over to the strawberries. Liam turned some music on and we were humming along and having a grand ol time, i was halfway through the box of strawberries when it happened. That song came on, the same one that was playing when Nate.. took away everything i had left. I tried to ignore it, i was doing good, when i got distracted by my own thoughts and instead of a strawberry being cut it was my finger... "Shit.." i muttered making my way over to the sink, i turned the water on and ran my finger under it, Liam came over and tried to help, he touched my shoulders, one hand on each shoulder, i could feel my body shudder underneath his touch.

My mind kept going from the music to Liam's grasp and soon enough Liam wasn't Liam anymore, he was Nate.

I screamed as loud as i could, sliding down the side of the cabinets that lined around the sink.

"Get away from me please!" I cried

i saw all the boys come running in, Louis came over and kneeled down next to me, he reached out trying to give me a reassuring touch, i flinched away, my breathing became erratic i tried to stand up and run between the boys, but before i could take more then two steps i fell, I felt strong arms around me, picking me up and carrying. I hit the person's chest crying, screaming to let me go. But as soon as the person spoke i relaxed. It was Harry, "Blaire..Blaire! calm down we aren't going to hurt you !" His voice was soothing yet demanding. i stopped hitting him and just fisted his shirt, still crying, i felt his body shift as he sat down and i just rested my head against his chest and closed my eyes, before i knew it i was asleep. Not the kind of sleep i'm used to having, it was different, it was a peaceful sleep, it was as if Harry was a blanket of protection from my own mind. I don't know how, or why it was him, but i didn't care, it was the best sleep i was probably going to have in a long time so i shut my mind off and enjoyed it.


Hey everyone! thanks so much for reading my story!! anyway, checkout the trailer for the book i attached to the first chapter, i promise this book will get better with time, right now im just trying to set the plot and setting.

So if ya want to you could do me a favor and vote for this story, or like it, also comments are nice i like to know what you guy's think of the story and if you have any tips on how to improve. Thanks and lots of love -M

Oh and p.s the picture attached above is what i imagine harry to look like, its not my picture i found it on google so, all rights go to the person who made the edit.

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