"My biggest fear is that sooner or later you will see me the way I see myself... Some days I feel everything at once. Other days I feel nothing at all, and I can't tell what one is worse. Eventually you will leave, you will see who I really am and disappear with the night." She whispered
"Blaire.. My thoughts can't move an inch without bumping into a piece of you, I can't stop myself from constantly falling for you, I know your scared right now but you've taught me what it's like to want someone so much that it hurts, to love someone so much you would do anything for them. There is nothing you can ever do to lose me. "
I spent all my time trying to fix her that I didn't realized she was breaking me. Tearing my heart apart into a thousand tiny pieces. That's when I knew I was completely I love with her.


1. Chapter One.

~~Four months prior

"I'm gonna go find Sam" i heard Reece yell over the loud music coming from living room, I nodded and she walked away, i decided it was a good time to go get a drink and look around, I could already feel the effects of the blunt i smoked earlier, it was making my thoughts slowly disappear, exactly what i needed. I proceeded to the kitchen and took a drink off the counter, turning around to walk away i bumped into someone, spilling my drink everywhere. "Oh my god i'm so sorry!" i frantically spoke while fisting the strangers shirt. "Blaire.. Blaire it's alright.." I heard an all too familiar voice say, i looked up and saw Nate, my ex boyfriend. "Let's get you another drink yeah?" He asked starting over to the counter and pouring more liquor into a cup, he handed it to me and i took a swig. "Why don't you say we go catch up somewhere, it's been ages since i've seen that beautiful face." he whispered into my ear. I once again nodded and took his hand, he dragged me through the endless crowd of people and up the stairs into a room, at this point i was done with my drink and i started feeling weird. My leg's slowly started to give out from under me and i fell, Nate scooped me up and set me on the bed. I started to blackout and before i knew it i was waking up, on the same bed, next to a naked Nate, my clothes ripped and distributed across the room. I poped up off the bed as fast as i could and ran down the stairs and into the living room, i frantically tried to find Reece, i soon found her by the door, i grabbed her arm and pulled her out the door, still in shock i demanded her to open the car and to drive me home, she did just that. My body wouldn't stop shaking, and every few minutes Reece would look over at me. I ignored her and as soon as we pulled into my driveway i hopped out . I slowly opened the creaking door to my house, it was late, around 2:30 in the morning. I could feel my shaking body start to lose control, i walked towards my room, grabbing the hallway walls for stability, my legs felt like they were thrown into a blender. Nate really did me in tonight, the tears still threatened to spill. I was almost too my room when i bumped into a picture on the wall, i watched as it fell and broke into a million pieces, my dad came storming out of his room holding his pistol. He gave me one look, the look of disgust. He then turned around and walked into his room, not saying a word to me, just slamming his door shut. Something he does to me all the time, he must of not caren about my current appearance. Walking into my room i immediately shut my door and locked it, the mirror on the back of the door showed me my horrible reflection, I was bruised and bloody, my eyes were bloodshot and my hair was tangled. I thought Nate would of changed, he moved away 3 years ago back to the UK and seemed to be doing better, I guess i was wrong, Tonight was finally the night, the night i am totally giving up. He ruined me once again.


"You've got to be joking dad!" I yelled looking at him in complete shock. "You're actually going to send me away!"

"Blaire your out of control, i have no choice. You leave tomorrow.." He whispered looking me dead in the eyes.

I can't believe this was actually happening.. I pulled at my hair like i tend to do when i'm stressed. "You know what dad.. Fuck off !" i heard myself yell before grabbing my phone and running out the door. I walked to the other side of the street and started to the first place i could think of, the bar. I got out my fake I.D and my phone before sending a quick text to my girl Reece. I flashed the bartender my 'I.D' and ordered a shot. I downed it and ordered a couple more when Reece came through the door.

"Hey bitch nice to see you again." she smiled i nodded and downed the next shots that came my way. "It's one of those nights eh?" she asked and i just nodded.

"Well are you going to tell me or let me wonder?" she laughed showing the bartender her I.D.

"My dad is sending me halfway across the world, because he can't 'handle me' anymore.." I whispered starting to feel the effects of the alcohol. "So he's just gonna send you away, halfway around the world because he doesn't like the way you live your life! thats bullshit, can he even do that? is it even legal?!"

"Yes it is, and yes he is.." i whisper watching my bestfriends facial expression fall.

"When do you leave.." she whispered swirling the small bit of alcohol she had left in her glass.

I watched as her figure slowly disappears into the dark abyss of Lacunae street. I turned the other way when I was sure she was gone and walked to my house. I observed the small house as I pushed the front gate open and walked the cracked stone path. I proceeded to the door pushing it open and ignoring my dad's calls as I walked up the stairs to my room. I grabbed my duffle from underneath my bed and started shoving random things into it.

• clothing - check

• computer - check

• lock box - check

• cigarettes and razors. - check

I went through the mental checklist while shoving things deeper and deeper into the bag. I sighed when the bag was full and decided that I had packed enough stuff and it was time to hit the hay.

I quickly took off my black skinny jeans and ripped my white tank top off, I climbed into the sheets of my bed before setting my alarm to the God awful time of 2:30Am. I closed my eyes and listened to myself breath. It was calm and soothing, something I haven't gotten much of Lately. It wasn't long until I feel asleep.


"Blaze come here babe, help me with the decorations." My dad called, it had to be close to Christmas time.

"I'm coming dad. Give me a minute." I laughed as I ran over, he handed me a strand of lights.

I took the lights and began stringing them on the porch. I finished and waited for my dad to finish.

"Ready ?" He asked and I nodded eagerly "alright Blaire go for it." I slowly plunged the end of the decorations into the wall and watched in awe as the front yard started to glow. I smiled and laughed with my dad until we started hearing crackles and pops. I looked around frantically and it wasn't long before a small fire had started. My dad ran over and extinguished it before running back over to me. He was beyond pissed I could tell.

"Dad.. I-I'm sor-" I didn't even finish my sentence before I was smacked across the face.

"don't ever do that again." His eyes full of anger.

We started walking into the house and I tripped. He pulled me up by my shirt and pushed me into the hall before grabbing the belt. He whipped it across my back six times before walking away with no remorse. I just laid there crying. I had to be only 12 at the time.

I woke up soaked to the bone in sweat and tears streaming down my face. I looked at the time that read 2:04 a.m. before deciding to get up. I ran to the bathroom and pulled my hair up, I looked at myself in the mirror studying my face. I didn't look too bad, did I?

My face was slightly glossing, probably from my dream, I remember that night like it was yesterday. That was the first time my dad lashed out on me, i still have no clue what i did wrong till this day, and the worst part is it was about 5 years ago. I glanced back in the mirror and examined my face further.

My nose ring stood out as if trying to tell me to change it and my arms were spiraling with ink. I brushed my teeth and changed into sweatpants and a tank top. I grabbed my duffle before running quietly down the stairs and writing a quick note.

I left for the airport. Bye. -Blaire

I grabbed the air ticket that was sitting in the table along with my passport before heading out the door. I caught a cab and played on my phone the whole ride.

When we arrived at the airport I paid the driver and got out. I quickly made it through security and found my terminal. I waited for a couple hours before the flight was called.

I handed the nice lady my ticket and passport before boarding the plane.. i flashed one of my famous fake smiles and walked onto the plane. I quickly found my seat and sat down, lucky me got the window seat. I made myself comfortable and tried to relax. My jaw was still sore from the bruise that my father made there a couple of nights ago on his drunken rampage. After a few minutes the plane took off and i was off to my new life, hopefully one where i wouldn't be abused every other day. I closed my eyes and tried to breath when the flashback came to me.

"I told you to clean up your room you worthless brat!" my dad yelled as i stumbled away from him. He walked further and further into my room backing me up onto the wall.

"Dad you're-you're drunk stop!" i cried

he just laughed and grabbed my face between his clammy hands.

"Don't tell me to stop when i can't." He spit. Then without a warning he slapped me, as hard as he possibly could, sending me onto the floor.

I awoke out of my flashback when i felt someone nudging my shoulder.

"um.. miss? we landed in london, hello?" I shook when i came to realization.

"Oh.. thank you." i whispered standing up and heading towards the exit. I walked off the plane and to where the luggage was supposed to be delivered. I waited patiently until I saw the single suitcase roll around the conveyer belt. I grabbed it and started towards the exit of the airport that's when I spotted the guy with my name plastered on a sign.
I walked over looking at the boy. He was in deep conversation with another boy. They both had ink up the ass and I had to admit we're pretty good looking.
"Um.. Excuse me but you're holding my name on a sign so I'm guessing you're here to take me to my new hell?" I sighed looking at each of the boys.
" oh.. Um yeah. You must be Blaire then.. I'm Harry, Harry styles."






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