Mr.Barker has returned from his business trip and wants to discuss the wedding date. I dress myself in a white dress with a tall neckline made of lace. I pull my hair up into a bun and stare at myself in the mirror. These last few days have been hurtful and lonely. After James pointed out he doesn't love me I have been avoiding him. Too many tears have been shed and I am trying to make myself feel stronger. I want to be stronger. My whole life I have been shielded from any sort of feeling and I am tired of being a mess. I want to learn to love myself.
I walk down to Mr.Barkers office holding my head high. I am let in by a maid and there stands Mr.Barker and James. I don't make eye contact with James yet I walk right by him."Please Lizzy have a seat." Mr.Barker gestures to the table and I sit down. James sits across from me forcing me to look at him. His eyes are red looking like he had been crying or drinking, neither which I hope is the cause.
"So I decided that you two will get married next month on the 22nd of February." I turn to him in shock"that's only six weeks away." he nods in understanding "Yes your mother insists on planing it and has already begun working on the details." of course she has, always one step a head of everyone else."I know it is quick but with the farms profit…" I zone out of what Mr.Barker is saying and focus on James. He isn't even looking at me, is he even listening to what Mr.Barker is saying? He finally raises his eyes to meet mine, when I look in them they are empty. No sign of light of emotion. What happened to him?
why is he always beating himself down like this?
"Lizzie you have to sign the papers to send to the church." Mr.Barker pulls me out of my daze. I sign my name on the line and push the sheet across the table to James. He signs it and that's it I get up to leave playing with my wedding ring the whole time.I reach the stairs and then change direction moving to James room. I don't bother knocking and barge right in. He jumps off his bed when when I enter. His coat jacket is off and his tie is loose. In his hand is a bottle of bourbon. "I stare at him and then quietly remark "so this is what you have been doing. Drinking you days away." I hold my gaze but the sigh and sit on his bed. "Do you mind if I join you?" I grab the bottle from his hands and take a swig. He stares at me "Liz what are you doing?" I look down at my dress "I don't really know anymore." I sadly chuckle and pull my ring off my finger. "What is happening to us James because just a few days ago I had everything sorted out and now I completely lost. His eyes are on my hands as I play with my ring. "Talk to me please I feel like I'm going crazy." I stand up and I can feel my body trembling . He doesn't move he stands there like a statue. I sit the bottle down on the ground and walk over to him. when we are only inches apart I take off my ring." When you can find the words to make this real, I will put this back on. But from now til then this is only arrangement and you mean nothing to me." I say angrily and put the ring in his hand.I look in his eyes and see the heart break. What the hell am I doing?