9. Chapter 9
I sit on my swing under the willow tree. The summer breeze blows my hair as I sway back and forth. My parents had just got into another fight over the marriage. They keep complaining that they should have just risked and let me stay there. It hurts to here them talk that way. How they can say they care more about wealth and land over my well being.
James has stopped writing me and I feel all alone. There is so much distance now and I worry he had forgotten me. I have read about the riots in the paper. Men, women and children are no longer able to be controlled as servants or staff. Many have been injured and lots of people want Mr.Barker and James killed. The thought of James being dead makes me want to die. He has or was all I had.
A tear runs down my cheek. None of this wealth has never meant anything to me. I have been sheltered my whole life from the world. I want more then this planned out life. If I had the choice I would leave it all behind, Even if that meant I had to give up James. He and I barley even know each other but the thought of someone caring for me gives me hope.
Im so confused, I feel like I'm drowning and no one cares. Some times I just want to die to mess everything up. My parents wouldn't have there security and neither would Mr.Barker. James would never have gotten to know or love me. And I would find some place better. It makes sense in my head but I know I'm not that broken to go threw with it.
My short ,yellow, sun dress blows in the breeze.
I wish I could go with the wind, Fly were ever it takes me. I need to grow up, I need to stop day dreaming. I jump up from my swing and start to run. I run all the way threw the valley to the pond. I stand on the dock. I don't know what I'm doing here. My mind and body aren't acting as one any more. I stand on the edge of the dock and my mind goes wild. I can't swim. All of a sudden I leap into the water.The world seems to disappear and bubbles dance around me. It's as though I'm paralyzed, I can't move. I sink to the bottom to were there is no light. I can't breathe, the air is starting to leavings body. I can't think of anything except air. Move I try to tell myself. I close my eyes and let the darkness seep in.
I wake up in my bed at the Barker's house. I'm sweating and I am trying to catch my breathe. James and Mr. Barker are by my side. None of that was real it was all just my imagination. Instant pain hits me and suck in a sharp breathe. "Liz lay down honey." Mr.Barker speaks. They both look like they haven't slept in days. It takes me a moment to find James eyes. They are red like he has been crying."What happened." is all I managed to get out. I can remember bits and pieces of what happened. There was a lot of blood, James was there and a scary man was yelling at me. James knees down by my bed and tells me the whole story of how the man wanted my silk dress and stabbed me many times in the process. He told me he was trying to get to me but he was to late. He was fighting the tears the whole time I could see. "Liz I'm so sorry…I promise from this day on to protect you." He said but I knew he couldn't protect me."Don't make promises you can't keep. There are just some things that are enviable." Looking into his eyes was like seeing his heart and I could tell I just broke a piece of it. He got up and left me. Mr.Barker gave me a look of sympathy and went after him.
I sit in my bed all by myself wishing I had drowned in that pond. It would have been easier.