11. chapter 11
The days have passed and my stitches have healed. They still feel like they will tear themselves back opened, but I persevere. James has been quit sweet lately. He used to bring flowers every mourning when I was ill. Now he comes and stands quietly in the doorway, admiring me.
Mr.Barker leaves on business today meaning we have the house all to ourselves. But I have been hiding from James. I am younger then him and I know he has had relationships with other women…but I haven't. I know I love him but he hasn't told me he loves me. I mean what does it matter we will be married, we don't have the choice. I guess all I want to know is if he could choose he would choose me.
The library is huge. The ceilings are covered in angels and chandeliers and it looks like heaven. I found this when I needed peace during my illness. My maid took me here and I have spent every day here since. I guess I didn't choose a good enough hiding spot because James walks in.
In his hands he holds velvet,red, box. He shines a smile at me and says " you know today is our first year anniversary," I giggle I know he has a surprise by how excited he gets." So I got you a gift." He hands me the box and I open it with a swift lift. A diamond necklace catches the light sending dazzling shadows. "It's beautiful" I exclaim. He takes my necklace and wraps it around my neck. It's perfect so wonderfully perfect and besides the ring this is the first gift he's given me.
I lean over and pounce at him kissing his lips passionately. I move down to his neck then to his chest leaving a trail of kisses as I go. I can't believe I've been with this man a whole year. He's wonderful and I can't help it when I mutter into his lips "I love you." He pulls away looking at me like I just bit his ear off. "wwwhat no yyyou can't love mme." he stutters and I feel like he just kicked me heart in. I try to say something to defend myself but I just stare at him. His eyes are so sure, why? why can't he just let me in? If he dosnt love me why does he kiss me? Why does he give me diamond necklaces? why does he care for me? isn't that what love is?
I stand to leave whipping away my tears. When I reach the doorway I turn back and say. "Maybe you right, because if this isn't love then I've been completely mislead.