Bite Me (Dan and Phil)

cabin fever nounNORTH AMERICANinformal lassitude, irritability, and similar symptoms resulting from long confinement or isolation indoors during the winter. "a great energy-burning game for exuberant Cubs with midwinter cabin fever" After weeks of being cooped up in her brothers flat with no other company than a psychotic cat who shared her name, Ginger was starting to get more than a little bit lonely. So when a stranger accidentally phones her she jumps at the chance to talk to him, that is until the gang of criminals who were out to get her break down the front door. (This story contains strong language, violence and some mature content.)


3. Two

"Ginger, we know you're in there." The deep voice from behind the door taunted.

"Shit." I whispered.

"What's wrong?" Phil asked from the other end of the phone.

I grabbed my phone of the kitchen counter then turned it off loud speaker before I made my way to the bathroom, hiding behind the shower curtain "They're here." I whispered into the phone.

"Who's there?" Dan asked confused.

"Some people my brother pissed off."

"What did he do?"

"He got their friends sentenced to life in prison." I replied.

They started banging on the door louder "Oh Ginger! We've got your cat!"

"You should probably hang up and forget about me." I whispered.

"No." Phil whispered back.

"Phil why are you whispering?" Dan asked him."We'll stay on the phone." he spoke softly.

"Are you safe?" Phil questioned.

"Not for long."

The banging continued until they eventually managed to break the door down "Come out, come out where ever you are."

"Okay Ginger" I thought to myself "Think about this situation. You can either hide behind this shower curtain and hope they don't find you, which they probably will, and then they'll probably kill you and you won't have the sassy death you always dreamed off... Or you can go out there like the sassy bitch you are and kick ass, fail, but die in the most sassy way possible."

"Okay guys, I'm probably going to die." I whispered into the phone "But I'm gonna try and do it in the most kick ass way possible. Thanks for talking to me and whatnot."

"NO!" They both shouted.

"I'll come and haunt you." I joked.

I left my phone in the bath not bothering to hang up, I grabbed my phone and stood in the bathroom door frame. I decided I'd try and do the whole I'm going to fight you and be sexy while I'm doing itthing that you see in the movies so I leaned against the bathroom door frame, in the most seductive way I could, even though I probably just looked like a seal having an epileptic fit.

"Hello boys." I said waving.

"GET HER!" One of the men shouted running towards me, he was tall and fat and he looked like he hadn't washed his hair in a year.

I ducked as he put his large hands out to strangle me.

"You really need to work on your aim." I sassed spinning on my heal and punching him in the throat, he let out a large grunt and I raised my eyebrows at him "You're weaker than you look."

I punched him another few times until I thought he was unconscious.

"Well done Ginger, you're not dead yet." I praised myself "Now to find his friends."

I walked into the living room to see the other 2 men sitting on my couch with Ginger, the cat, held by the scruff of his neck.

"I'd be careful." I advised "He'll have your eyes out."

The smallest of the men looked me up and down "Where's Tony?"

"Disney Land." I replied assuming Tony was the fat greasy guy I had just knocked out.

"You think that you're funny don't you?" the bigger one replied gripping the cat tighter.

Ginger let out a cry and swiped his claws at the the mans cheek leaving a scratch, the blood rising to the top "Your brother thought he was funny, until we killed him."

"Now we're going to do the same to you."

"Bite me."

The tallest of them put Ginger down and stood up walking close to me. He was centimetres away from me, I could smell his cheap deodorant mixed with sweat and cigarette smoke. 

He clicked his teeth at me twice, imitating him biting me.

"You should never get that close to a girl." I stood on my tiptoe whispering into his ear "It allows them to do this." I kneed him in the nuts as hard as I could. He screeched in pain "Not so manly now are we?"

I got the remote for my speakers and turned them on and The Phoenix by Fall Out Boy blasted out of them.

"For dramatic effect." I explained throwing the remote to the other side of the room.

The smaller one came over to me and punched me, I whelped as his fist hit me in the stomach "Thanks, I appreciate that."

I kicked him in the knees making him fall to the ground, I jumped on him and he hissed.

A pair of hands gripped me from behind, I turned around and punched the taller one I'd kicked in the nuts earlier in the throat.

"You should have came on a day when I didn't have PMT." I joked picking up a vase from the coffee table and hitting him over the head with it. He fell to the ground, that was 2/3 unconscious, just one left.

"You look fat from this angle." the last man standing said standing up.

"Do you actually want me to shit on you?" I asked grabbing hold of his arm and dragging him towards the wall, hitting his head off the wall multiple times "Please refrain from bleeding on the wallpaper, we've just had it done."

I let go of him and he fell to the floor, 3/3.

"Well." I started to say putting my hand on my hips "That went better than I thought."


"You like Fall Out Boy." Phil said from the other phone.

"She just kicked ass and all you can say is that she likes Fall Out Boy? Bloody hell Phil" Dan exclaimed "Anyway, where are they now?"

"Handcuffed to the balcony." I informed looking out of the patio doors at the 3 defeated men sulking with their wrists attached to the metal railings "I've phoned the police, they should be here soon."

I walked onto the balcony "Why do you even have handcuffs?" One of the men asked.

"I'm into bondage."

I heard what sounded like either Dan or Phil spiting their drink out in shock.

"Really?" One of the other men asked.

"No my brother works in the police you idiot, you know that." I slapped him over the head.

"Worked." He corrected.

His words hit me harder than any of their punches ever could have, but I didn't let them get that satisfaction of knowing it hurt me so I just raised my eyebrows and slapped him over the head again then walked back into the living room.

"Did they kill him?" Phil asked.

"You can't just ask that!" Dan criticized.


"Yeah, they did by the sounds of it." I ran my fingers through my hair "Listen, I'll phone you guys later."

"Bye." Dan and Phil said at the same time before hanging up.





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