"You shouldn't smoke." Dan leaned against the wall, his hands in his pockets "It's bad for you."
I shrugged "Everything is bad for you."
"That's not true."
I raised my eyebrows and exhaled the cloud of smoke into the dark nights sky "Yes it is."
"You could meet up with an axe murderer, not to mention it's to blame for ruining sleeping patterns of thousands of people all over the world."
Dan nodded his head "Good point." he paused for a while "Okay then, love."
"Love fucks you up."
"Some people want to be fucked up."
I tapped my finger on the cigarette letting the ash drop to the pavement "Anyway, if you think smoking is so bad then why are you stood out here in the cold with me?"
"Because it's dark and I want to protect you."
He said nothing.
"You know I can protect myself."
"I just like being in your presence." he confessed "You're the reason for the smile on my face like 80% of the time."
I bit my lip "Don't say things like that." I nudged him "You'll make me melt."
I rested my head on his shoulder "You're missing out on the party."
"Then put out your cigarette and come in."
I sighed in defeat throwing my cigarette the the floor putting it out with the bottom of my platform shoes.
"How can you even walk in those?" Dan asked looking at me feet.
"I can't." I admitted putting my arm around his neck and stumbling back into the warmth of the party.
"Where's Phil?" I shouted over the loud music moving closer to Dan's ear.
"I don't know!" He replied shrugging his shoulders.
We made our way through a crowd of people looking trying to find him.
"There his is!" I shouted as I spotted him stood next to the bar talking to a girl "I have a plan, come on." I dragged Dan towards him.
"Oh my god Phil!" I shouted walking towards him with my arms open "I haven't seen you since prison!"
"What?" Phil asked confused.
"Who's this?" I asked pointing to the girl.
"This is Sammy." he explained smiling at her.
"Is she your girlfriend?"I asked "It's nice that you've met someone who doesn't care about your little fetishes."
"What fetishes?" The girl asked.
"Oh you know..." I said casually "Necrophilia."
She looked at Phil shocked and smiled "No way!" she spoke "You're into that too?"
Phil gave her an odd look "Wait what?"
"I just love how submissive dead bodies are, they make me feel so dominant." she said before letting out a moan.
I looked at Dan "What the fuck." I mouthed.
"I don't even know." He mouthed back shaking his head.
Phil looked at me uncomfortably "Anyway..." He said looking back at Sammy "I've got to go."
I gave her a wave and we all walked away, turning our walk into a speed walk as soon as we were out of her eyesight.
Phil sighed "I'm gonna be single forever."
"That's not true." I told him "You could always join in mine and Dan's relationship." I joked.
Phil smiled a little.
"The sex would be a bit awkward but we could make it work." I added.
Dan put his head in his head in his hand and let out a scream.
"You're filling my innocent mind with your disgusting thoughts." Phil moaned.
I just winked at him.
Dancing on tables is not a good idea, I repeat not a good idea. 'Why isn't dancing on tables a good idea?' I hear you ask. Well, I'll tell you why dancing on tables isn't a good idea... because you'll end up here.
I let out a deep sigh in the silent A&E room "I'm kick ass Ginger." I slurred "Kick ass Ginger who was defeated by a table."
"I'd say the vodka played a pretty big part in it." Dan spoke putting his arm around my shoulder "They ganged up on you." We were both extremely intoxicated after we'd spent the entire night drinking.
I laughed and then winced as the pain shot down my leg and arm.
I looked at Phil sleeping on one of the hospital waiting room chairs "What time is it?"
Dan pulled his phone out of his pocket "4am."
"We've been here five fucking hours." I complained.
"Why don't we sing a song to pass the time." Dan suggested before he started singing Toxic by Brittany spears loudly.
"Ginger Matthews?" I familiar voice called.
I looked up to see the one person who I thought I'd never see again "Shit." I whispered under my breath.
"Come on I'll help you." Dan told me putting his arm around me and helping me limp over to the Doctor.
"I'm Doctor Jones, I'll be looking after you today." He spoke looking at his notes.
"Frank, I thought you moved away." I snapped.
"Well, I moved back." He replied bluntly.Dan looked at me confused "Do you want to me to come in with you?" He asked.
I nodded and we made our way to Franks office "Is this your boyfriend?" he asked.
"Yes, what's it to you?" I replied scowling at him.
"Just making small talk."
"Your talk is almost as small as your dick."
"What's going on?" Dan mouthed to me.
I just ignored him.
I sat on the chair in Franks office.
"What seems to be the problem?" Frank asked.
"My left leg and arm."
"Let me just have a feel."
I rolled my eyes as he knelt down and felt my leg.
"Can you not." I moaned.
"I have to." He squeezed my leg extra hard.
"Frank, does your wife know you fuck girls that are half your age when she's not home?"
He squeezed it harder again "Don't pretend you didn't enjoy it."
"I was seventeen."
"Sorry, what's going on here?" Dan asked getting annoyed.
"Your girlfriend here likes older men."
I slumped in my chair embarrassed.
"We'll get you in for an X-Ray, go back to the waiting room for now."
"What the fuck is going on?" Dan shouted when we got back to the waiting room.
"I used to fuck him when his wife went out of town."
He took a deep breath in and let out a deep sigh "That's so wrong."
"I thought you were better than that."
"So you didn't do stupid things when you were seventeen?"
He shook his head "I didn't fuck married men that are twice my age."
"That was four years ago, you can't exactly be mad at me for something I did when I didn't even know you."
"I'm not mad at you."
"Really? Because you seem it."
"I'm mad at him." He spoke standing up and walking back towards Franks office.
"Dan!" I shouted.
"What's going on?" Phil asked waking up.
"Just help me up."
Phil helped me up and I limped after Dan.
"What are you gonna do?" I shouted as Dan barged into Franks office.
"You're disgusting. Do you not know that?" I heard Dan hiss.
"I've never seen him like this before." Phil whispered.
I turned into Franks office to see Dan holding a chair with Frank cowered up in the corner of his office.
"Dan stop!" I screamed.
Dan dropped the chair to the floor and looked at me "I'm sorry." He whispered.
"I think you better leave." Frank grumbled pointing at the door.
So that's why you shouldn't dance on tables, because you'll end up in A&E, your boyfriend will find out you used to fuck a married man and then try to hit him with a chair. You'll also end up going home with 2 drunk friends and 2 broken limbs.
A/N: This is like a really bad chapter I'm sorry but thanks for all your lovely comments and everything.