The truth is that no one has the faintest idea where are the borders, the barriers that limit us. Everything has a beginning and an ending. How cliché. But the outlines of anything around us are really blurry. We never notice something great until it's over and that's what makes it priceless for us. The fact that there's no returning, no way back.
The same thing happens with life. We aren't able to understand the beginning of our lives. We don't acquire conscience to do so. But for the ending of our lives there are many different points of view.
During my life I never found a place where I could settle myself and say ' I belong in here'. I never managed to do that. I never felt like I was a part of something, a member of a team. But now things aren't better, too. My loneliness always filled up my existence and it was my only refuge. It was the only thing that felt like home. My emptiness.
Another truth is that no one really cares about you. Don't kid yourself. Don't ridicule yourself. If you have lost your life, you are just in a disadvantageous position. They still have their lives in their hands and they are doing fine that's for sure.
In the beginning, a few relatives mourn for you, but they get over it sooner or later. They have a life to live and deal with their own problems, even though they swear to themselves that they will never forget you. They have to. They owe it to themselves. Life goes on.
The rest of them-friends, distant relatives, neighbors, etc. etc. etc.- they just don't care at all. They pretend that they care like auto manipulated puppets of a rigged game. They disguise their faces and say ' I'm sorry for your loss' without even knowing the meaning of the words. But don't blame them either. It's human nature.
Some of them, however, are truly and deeply wicked. They are just thinking about how expensive is the funeral, who is crying or who passed out. They are looking for juicy gossip news to tell to the people from whom they are surrounded, in order to be considered interesting and useful.
But of course they are some people who are shocked. They get paralyzed only by the thought that tomorrow is a different day and by then they might have moved in the neighborhood of the angels.
But the biggest loser - because we are talking about a real loss- is the person who dies. Who is going to give me back my life? The life I lost before I even lived it?