My heart sunk. She rejected me.
"Yeah, I get it, it's rushed." I try to act cool. "But, if it's too soon for you, why did you hold my hand for most of the day, and what happened on the field? I thought it was going somewhere."
"That was all because, I was confused, and tired. I'm not writing you off I just can't do this now."
"Do you know how hard it is for me to show my feelings like that?" I stand up.
"It's not fair for you to lead me on like that."
I walk away from her to the house. I hear her walking behind me. Once we get home I walk straight past Geraint and down to the cellar, I half expect her to follow me but she doesn't I curl up in the corner and weep into my knees. I'm angry at myself for exposing my feelings like that, but I'm more angry for taking it out on Carys, she's had rough day and I probably made it worse. I'm overwhelmed with guilt. I hear her talking to her dad through the ceiling.
"I'm sorry about earlier dad." Carys says.
"No I'm sorry, it's not me you know that."
"I'm the same, the Morwal." Geraint has the Morwal too? They both seem to have little bit of control over it.
"We can get through this. Where did Jana go?" He asks her.
"She's mad at me, we argued a bit today."
"Oh right, okay."
I'm glad he didn't ask why. It would be even more awkward living here if he knew. I hear her footsteps above me, then I hear them on the stairs come down to me.
"I know how hard it was for you to be honest with me, because it was hard for me too. I'm sorry, I hate the feelings I have for you because I can't control them. I like to be in control. Of every little thing. I'm not mad at you, I understand where your coming from. I want to be with you so badly, but I don't want to lose control."
"What's wrong with losing control? It can be good." I say standing up and walking over to her. "If you want to be with me, just do it." She breathes fast.
"It's not right yet, my girlfriend broke up with me because I kept lying to her, and I hurt her, I don't want to hurt you too."
"So don't hurt me, don't lie to me, I know so much about you already. There's no way someone so kind hearted could hurt me." I step towards her and take her hand.
"It's the control thing, I couldn't control what happened with Anwen, or my mother, and I can't control my feelings for you. I need control, it keeps me sane. I want control over who I'm with, or who I'm not with." She pulls her hand away.
"You don't have to control everything though, let someone else take the wheel, let me help you. I don't see the problem with you being happy, I can make you happy!" I'm crying even more now, and so is she.
"What if I hurt you, if I lose anyone else... I'll lose myself."
"Take the risk Carys." In the blink of an eye, she pulls me close and kisses me. When she pulls away she just stares at me. My heart is racing. I pull her back to me and for a second she stops me and then she places her hands on my face and kisses me again, it lasts longer.
"You're right about everything." She says as we break the kiss and touch foreheads. She has her hands on my neck like she did earlier, sort of around my jawline. Claiming me as her own.
"You drive me crazy." We both give a slight laugh. "What now?" I ask.
"We take the risk. Together." She says. I kiss her forehead.
"Girls, dinner!" We hear Geraint call us from upstairs. We walk upstairs, both smiling. "Ah good, you made up, we're having steak, dig in." We devour our meals in what felt like seconds. "So apart from the parts you weren't conscious for, how was school?" he asks us.
"Dramatic." Carys says.
"In a small village like this, everyone's got to make their own fun." We laugh.
"What did you do today dad?" She asks him.
"I uh, went out looking for the pack, drove further into the country."
"Any luck?" I ask.
"Nothing, not even a scent." He sighs.
"Who was your pack? When did you leave?"
"Well, I left when I met Rhiannon, she showed me human life and I couldn't resist, I was 17. The pack leader was a man called Johannes, his son was my best friend. Alric."
"Alric?" They both see the shock in my face. Geraint was in my pack.
"You know him?" Carys asks.
"He's my father, he became pack leader after my grandfather died, Johannes, we call him Grandpa Joe."
"That's what we all called him."
"I inherited the pack from my father."
"Did he...?" Geraint's face fills with sorrow.
"No no, he's fine, there was a lot of drama a while back and the pack didn't trust him any more. He's still with the pack now, but with a different Alpha, well there's two, an Alpha male, Gerwyn, and an Alpha female, Ceri. They're Rhydians Parents." Geraint stands up.
"Ceri and Gerwyn, I know them too. Can you help me find them? You can use Eolas." He says.
"Eolas?" Carys says. "What's that?"
"I can try, I mean it's a long shot. They might not want you back though, you do know that don't you?" Ignoring Carys.
"I know but I need to try, I want Enouwian."
"I wouldn't get your hopes up, if I'm being honest." He nods.
"I'm going to bed, I need to sleep off the dark moon." He looks so down as he trails upstairs.
"What's Eolas?" Carys asks me again.
"It's one of our powers, your parents never told you about it?" She shakes her head. "It connects you to nature, helps you see things."
"That's a bit vague, can you show me?"
"I don't know, you're tame." It's a bad idea.
"From wild decent. Please Jana, we can do it tomorrow before school?"
"Fine, if I were you I wouldn't tell your dad, he might not like it. It's not for every one." She's smiling like a little kid.
"Yay, thank you." She jumps and hugs me.
"I'm gonna go down to bed, I need to rest." I begin to walk to the cellar, Carys grabs my arm.
"Don't be silly, stay up here, it's cold and damp down there. Plus, I have a double bed, there's plenty of room. I would say you can stay in the spare room upstairs, but the bed in there is all wrapped up still." I'm hesitant, but I can't say no.
"Okay, I'll go get my stuff."
When I come back upstairs and get to her doorway she is brushing her long brown hair in the mirror, and she's in her pyjamas. I just stare. She likes me, of all the people she could have, she chose me. She's a picture of beauty, even in pyjamas.
"What?" She turns to me. I jump.
"Uh, nothing, you're just-" I pause to stare again.
"Perfect." She blushes, so do I. I walk over to the bed and climb in, she lies next to me and stares at me.
"Are we gonna tell people? I mean like, we don't have to hide it."
"We should tell Tom and Shannon, they're our friends. But as for everyone else, if they know, they know. Either way it's none of their business." I kiss her. Her phone starts vibrating on her bedside table. She sits up and picks it up. She stares at it blankly. It keeps vibrating. I lean on my elbow.
"It's Anwen." I can see she's panicking, I need to reassure she's safe.
"Answer it. You can control this." I say.
"Go on!" I push the phone closer to her face. She picks up.
"Hello?" She says nervously. I can vaguely hear the voice on the other end of the line.
"You left, without saying anything. I knew you hated me but I didn't think you hated me that much."
"Anwen, I don't hate you. You know that, don't make me seem like the bad guy. You dropped me remember?"
"Because you were selfish, keeping things from me."
"I kept things from you to protect you, I told you that, over and over. It's been weeks An, I'm moving on, you should to."
"Moving on and moving away are two different things."
"I didn't move because of you, my mother died Anwen, do you get that?"
"Yes, I'm sorry I just mean you could have said something before leaving."
"You could have said something before breaking my heart." She hung up and slammed her phone down.
"That was brave." I said stroking her hand with my thumb.
"That was anger." She lay down and cuddled into me.
"It's over now, you've got me, you've got your dad, Tom and Shan, even Mr. Jeffries." I laugh, stroking her hair.
"I feel like I've known you all my life." She says looking into my eyes.
"I feel like I want to know you for the rest of my life." We kiss for a little while and then drift off into a deep, long-needed sleep, holding each other close.