Monday morning, I left home earlier. This week will be the last week for this semester. We had our final examinations and as for now, we had nothing to do. I texted Freiz for I know he will leave on Thursday. I just want to see him but he never replied.
I stayed in the music room with Lucy playing guitar. “Have you seen Freiz?” I asked but Lucy didn’t either know where he was. I kept on strumming the guitar and don’t even know if I play the right tune wondering for something. I am out of my mind and I can’t help it.
“I’m gonna miss Freiz.” She said munching her food at her mouth when suddenly Freiz appeared. I watched him as he made up on the room.
“Who’s gonna miss me?” he asked then he smiled. Gerald and Red barged in and made some noises.
I smiled when I saw him. I’d like to think that I could be happy somehow. Lucy then gathered as together and we all agreed to go to where she wanted to. We went altogether to the green view park and we had our best night never to forget how we moved. The whole place was like a star light, brighter than the sun. Freiz seemed he was spending enough time with us before leaving but on my part, I felt like I was just pretending to be glad but inside, I do not understand. There I was again forcing laughter, faking my smiles, days dragged me down. Music was in the air, listened to the song on the big stereos on the sidewalk while people had some fun.
We sat on the benches just near on the well and I looked at it realized that if you were hopeless, would this magical well make it all right but my mind changes to believe it. Well, Lucy got a phone call while the others were on their racket. I went nearer to the fountain and looked at the water coming out. Coins indicated for a wish to be real and I had one and hoped for. I put my hand on my pocket on my jeans and luckily, I had a coin. I threw it on the water.
“What’d you wished for?’’ I sensed it was Freiz.
I just smiled but he was still waiting for my reply. I don’t want to let him know about it.
“Well, it’s nothing” I said. He was standing still and to stop this moment, I grabbed his hand and drag him back to the benches. I looked for Lucy but still on a call.
“What were they doing there?” I said as I watch the boys far off.
“Oh! I’m sorry”. I don’t even noticed, I was still holding so I let it go.
“Can I ask you a question?” he favored. I waited for his question without looking at him.
“If I loved you will you love me back, can you be mine?” I looked at him and was ambushed this time. I never had a quick reply instead I was just wordless and can’t think it through. I can see in his eyes that he was like serious all this time but I took it as a joke.
I smiled trying to forget what he said. As I looked, he was waiting so I came back to my senses that this was real talk so I should not put jokes on it. I apologize for acting that way. I just cannot answer what he was asking for.
“That means no! I was just putting you up and I guessed I failed. Don’t mind it!” he said laughing and was teasing me in the way that I was displeased. “I just want to see how you react.” He continued and laugh like daredevil.
I punched his shoulder and he continually avoided my punches. Lucy got us off and joined us again. We had conversations until we decided to go home. That was the last time that I had seen his face and tore me apart. As I get off the from the passenger seat, I walked got helpless. It was a joke but I took it too serious. Why would he love me? There’s no way it was. You know that man; you cannot read his real intentions.
I’m out of my mind. I was so lost. The way was a little darker but I can see the dimmest part. My eye won’t blink between these narrow roads. Grew strong for this thing but was so weak one more time.
I lie awake on my bed and felt sick tonight. I looked into my phone as I watch my timepiece changing as nothing’s happening right. If I could just speak, I will not feel the same.
“Hey! Would you go outside? I’m on the park?” I read a text from him so I hurriedly got out of my room to see him. The school park just near here so I went to check him.
There he was in the swing looking at his phone. “Freiz! I called him getting his attention. “Why are you here?” I asked. I sat on the other swing feeling the breeze. Not for questioning but I was elated.
“I just want to be here with you. Before leaving I want you to be the last person I’ll see.” Hearing those words made me feel swaying me to confess what I feel for him. I never doubt I could feel much more than this. It’s making out of me, I’m out of the blue from the past hours sickening. I was hushed just listening to hear what he says.
He talked about leaving and I feel my hands trembled crashed. My heart begins to break. If I could tell him before he leaves, my heart would be cured and I won’t stray myself out. But I’m not sure this going to be, my world just slipped outside my door.
I gazed at him and looked directly to his eyes. “I want to tell you something”
But before, silence gaps eating over.
He put his attention on me. As I began to talk, I looked away and just say what I want to straightly. I cannot hide anymore. If I don’t, I will regret having this time and a painful mistake it would creep forever in me. My voice quivered as I started. I know there’s reason to let go and to fight to stay but now I could turn every corner and say what I feel.
“I don’t know but thinking as you leave, I was scared and I don’t know what to do. I saw you for the first time, I had the best of my life and you brought out the bests of me. Every day, I felt like I was the happiest person and that you made me smile. I always think of you and I don’t want to lose this feeling. You’re everything to me; you’re always on my mind. You’ve been part of my life spending my days with you. I don’t want to forget those days we spent together as my friend. I was glad I met you and I hope it was not too late at this time to tell what I really feel. I love you and I’m sure about it. I know that I confused you but the truth is I just don’t want to lose you”. Emotions began to stir my feelings.
“I’m sorry I can’t help myself anymore. I should not say all of this but it’s getting harder to shield this pain in my heart” I continued. I looked at him. He never said a word.
“I’m sorry.” I said and I stood up and faced him. I need to go back and I gave him my last goodbye.
I was about to take a step when he spoke my name.
“Mica! I’m sorry if I let you feel this way.”
My eyes began to shed tears and I wipe them out with my hands to avoid it. I smiled trying to cast it all.
“Don’t be sorry. It was me who fell for you and don’t blame yourself. I will soon get over it………. I’ll try”. I finally said and I took steps behind him. I walked with teary eyes but suddenly I stopped when he grabbed my hand and faced me around and gave me a hug. He hugged me tightly and took me by surprise not wanting to let me go. I let this moment turned in my mind into a reality. We just stayed like that until my eyes dried up.
After, he let go and gazed for so long in my eyes. I was taken aback. I never expect anything anymore and just continue on my way. I went straight on my room, braced myself for a goodbye because it’s all I ever knew. I could go back in every laugh but I don’t want to look back anymore. I can keep pushing myself from the past but I don’t see what all is ahead. I got him, I knew him by heart and I don’t know where it all started. Just so he knows I was calling his name lately.