All My Fault

Charley McKinley had it all, she knew what she wanted in life and would stop at nothing until she got it. She had the world in the palm of her hand. That is, until one night with her ex-boyfriend turns her life around.

(C) November 2015

NOTE // please if you or anyone you know has ever been raped, TELL SOMEONE. It's okay to tell someone and it's okay to get help. I know it can be hard, but it's what's best. Also, IT IS NEVER THE VICTIM'S FAULT. lack of the word "no", being unconscious, being drunk, and silence DO NOT MEAN YES. only YES MEANS YES.

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1. Chapter 1

I didn't mean for it to happen. But then again, no sixteen year old girl does. All it took was one night. That's it. One night for everything to be taken away from me.

I used to have it all. I had an amazing group of friends, a supportive family, captain of varsity lacrosse, and a totally gorgeous boyfriend by my side. But now, it's all gone.

I haven't told anyone yet. I haven't really come to terms with it myself, to be honest. I don't know how anyone will react when they find out. My first reaction was shock, then fear and anxiety. I didn't cry, at least not at first. I didn't cry until people found out, because then it meant I had to deal with it. 

"Charley, you okay?"

"Yeah, you've been acting weird for, like, two months." I was walking to AP Bio with my two best friends, Avalon and Bailey. I huddled my books to my stomach and walked in a dazed trance. It wasn't completely false. For the past two months I acted like a zombie; I was always exhausted, I was constantly late, I hardly spoke, I picked at my food and I refused to go out. I also started to wear more hoodies and less jeans. 

"No, yeah I'm fine. Just, really tired, I guess."

"Charley, something is up and as your best friends we deserve to know so we can help you. Are you and Alex okay?" Crap, Alex. He should've been the first to know.

"We're fine." Suddenly, I got nauseous and I rand to the bathroom, pushing through the doors and kneeling in front of the toilet in the handicapped stall. Bailey and Avalon ran in behind me and kneeled down next to me. They wrapped their arms around me and held me in silence.

"It's okay, Charley."

"I'm sorry, probably a bad breakfast sandwich." I knew it was no use lying, they were my best friends after all and they deserved to know.

"I'll be right back." Avalon, the most emotional of the three of us got up and wiped a tear from her eye. Bailey and I sat on the bathroom floor in silence huddled together. Avalon came back with a water, saltine crackers, and a mint. "Here." I let out a small chuckle and took the remedies.

"Thank you," I smiled and drank the water. After my stomach settled, I realized it was time to for the truth to come out, "I'm...pregnant." The water works came for the first and most certainly not the last time. 

"Charley..."My friends hugged me tightly and I started shaking as the realization hit me.

"Does Alex know?"


"Is it even his?" I cried even harder as I shook my head. My friends kept hugging me, "How long have you known?" 

"I've known for about five weeks, but it's been about nine."

"Wait," Bailey spoke up, "how and when?"

"About two months ago, I was at Dylan's house."

"Dylan your ex Dylan? Why?"

"Chem project. Anyway, I told him I didn't want to do or talk about anything that wasn't Chem related. I don't really remember much, the last thing I remember is being on the bed... When I was late, well I managed to get my hands on a pregnancy test, and well... here we are."


"That son of a--"

"Guys, please don't say anything. It's my fault. I wasn't careful enough and I could've done more to stop it but I didn't. Dylan doesn't know, no one knows. And no one will, got it?" I could see my friends getting angry, Avalon's face was red, tears brimming her eyes. Bailey was just plain furious and looked like she wanted to punch someone. I get why they're mad, but it wasn't rape. It couldn't have been. I was just careless and never stopped it. I deserved what I got.

I wasn't raped.

I was just stupid.

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