Not Over

When Love and hate proves to be more than just that and things will never be Over not even in a million years the memories run deeper.


3. Memories runs deep

“Whoa, wait a second you have no right to tell anyone about us, especially when its not like that at all, plus its none of your guys business what we do, you’re not my father, brother, or even boyfriend” I said mainly too Orlando directly, making him bulk up at me my heart rate quicken has fear shot through my body. Terrible images flashed before me, I barely registered that I’ve fallen onto my knees. The twisting and coiling of my stomach made me sick; vomiting.
“Gen are you okay?!” the male voice sounded out of breathe and deeply concerned 
“No, I want to go home,” I answered I didn’t get up I stayed right there unsure if I get up everything might happened again, if I see it happening again in my mind in real life. I don’t want to go back there I doubt that I’ll survive it the second time around; Mentally speaking. I can feel his arms, I looked…Chris. He feels so good on my body, I smiled at him as he helps me up, then I looked at Orlando looking insane or at least getting there. The ride home seemed forever, mainly because none of us are talking and just enjoying the ride. My house, the one place I should’ve went to instead of to that damn library. I’m fucking stupid; “What were you doing with him?” Chris demanding voice made me jump internally my heart thumped. 
    “Izzy wanted to talk, I didn’t expect to see Orlando or understood why he’s there, every word he spoke were irrelevant” I answered looking at him feeling much-much better 
    “You do know, it looked like he wanted to choke you out, on top of it you had anxiety attack, I nearly had fucking heart attack, I wanted to….he’s lucky Izzy stopped me from…” Chris said looking so helpless, he sucked in a deep soulful breath, his eyes glistened filled with tears, his blue-green eyes brightened has the white redden. Darnell left, knowing Chris and I need a moment to cope with this alone. I looked at him as he walked to his house, I really hate talking with Chris, I hate seeing his pain of all things. He don’t ever hide it or anything when it comes to our relationship, when it comes too talking about Orlando and that scary night. It hurts so much that neither of are not over it and it’s been 2 long years. 
“I know it hurts, I shouldn’t have went; I don’t what made me think she can be I don’t know…understanding; she’s having deep feeling for Darnell and believes he and I are….a thing and trying to control us has if they’re our fucking parents…Orlando has lost his damn mind” I said pissed off all over again, I wanted to go back now, and smack him in the face too choke him too get payback for hurting me, hurting my family, my fucking life. Orlando’s family understand how I feel about him; I can see in their eyes that they had nothing do with his abusiveness. His pure need to in control, to make sure that I am his woman for life. I bet he’ll chain me in his bedroom if really could just to prove to Chris that he can’t and will never have me. Asshole. 
    “…Do you still have nightmares of it? And don’t lie to me” Chris asked he was too clam, my breathing deepened just has deep his were 
    “Not really, I don’t know, I force myself not too, why you always catch me up so late, I don’t want to dream, but…” I started just then images of Orlando’s dark, sad, jealousy filled eyes erupted my vision, “I still see them eyes, those cold dark eyes, so sad, I didn’t know who I was looking at, I knew for sure that Orlando didn’t know what he was doing, it’s like in his mind he did but in his heart all he wanted to do was grieve…” it feels weird to think that of Orlando, to see him clam like Chris right now, to not see him so tensed up. But I have and its quite soothing and nonlife threatening. I look at Chris, and held his hand, I know for sure I can’t live without him, or even spend 5 minutes not hearing his love in my ear. He squeezes my hand and looked at me the tears were now falling,  “You need to promise me that if you ever want to talk to him, that you’ll do what you did today, text me, I don’t ever want to see you like this, like you did before…I felt like I lost you…I can’t live without you” He told me the tear became serious, I kissed him, he hates it when I do but this one right here I can tell he wanted me too.  He kisses my neck hard and painful but I found it very pleasuring, he always leave his mark on my body. My mom and dad get very angry when he does but of course attack me, you know for letting him do it, I don’t care I love it.  He moves on top of me, he made the seat of the car go all the way back. My heart is racing, this is the first we’ve ever done it in broad light or inside of a car. He continued to kiss my body and I jusy accepted every touch and held him close to me. I felt him remove my bottoms, the zipping anf giggling sound of his pants and belt made me suddenly afraid to do it. But his kissing and gentle roughness called to me. And held there. 
    “Gen baby, I want you to look…please” he had gone so deep in lust that he sounded evil and adorable. I looked at him then looked down where our waist meet. He knows I can’t look at his stuff, he knows I just can’t it’s so big and overwhelming that I get scared. 
    “I-I can’t” I whispered my chest heaves strongly every word I spoke, tears streamed down my eyes. 
    “Don’t worry Its already in, did you feel it, just look very quick just this once” he deeply said his hot breathe on my skin excited, I looked into his eyes, and saw a man I had never thought I see, looking just like his father. I loved how his father looked at his wife, my loves’s mother, now I it’s happening again but for me. I put my hands on his cheeks and pulled him into a deep, heavy kiss. It was then I realized he had been forcefully thrusting his hips into mine. Explain the uncanny warmth rushing beyond my entire body; I looked down where we meet again and again, I can feel and see him going much faster now that I’m gawking and MY GOD. I clenched my arms and legs around him and he go on full speed. The car filled with our pants and gunts and sadden moaning. It felt like forever in complete paradise and I don’t want to be over. “I Love you Gen” he heaved out, I smiled at him before blackness swallowed me. 
               I love you too Chris..












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