I firmly believe that everyone has those moments in life when they wish they could control everyone around them. Think about it. That old lady who can’t decide whether or not it’s her turn to go at the intersection. That baby in the seat behind you that won’t stop crying. That guy who cut in line at the supermarket then snatched the last Take 5. Don’t you just want to make the old lady go already, or make the baby shut up, or take that candy bar and make him shove it up his-
Anyway. My point is, it’s not all that unreasonable to want to control people from time to time. Or, you know, a little more often. Or maybe even all the time. And it’s not unreasonable either to want to control multiple people. I mean, why choose between the baby and the old lady? Or between the baby, the old lady, and the guy? Or between the baby, the old lady, the guy, the guy’s brother, the guy’s half cousin, his neighbor - hell, why not the whole human race?
See? I’m being perfectly reasonable here. Ok, sure, I’ve been called a psychopath, deranged, a liar, a cheater, a murderer, the devil… And, well, those aren’t entirely untrue, but you get me. You understand me. You see why I do what I do - why I lie and manipulate and occasionally murder (but really, who hasn’t these days?) and torture and disembowel and whatever else I’ve been accused of. It all makes perfect sense, doesn’t it? All I want is to control people. Sure, for me that means having ultimate power over the whole of the human race, but the basic principle is the same. The old lady. The baby. The guy with the candy bar in a rather unfortunate place. You understand why I do what I do, and why people are foolish to stand in my way.
What follows here is my success story. Okay, well, to be fair, it’s a bit less cut and dry than that, but I’ll let you decide for yourself. Rest assured, I’ve recounted here the true story. Sure, I lie about things. A lot. But not here; this is not a place for lies. Therefore, if I say that I’m devilishly handsome with a grin so beguiling that both women and men are unable to resist my charms, know that I am speaking nothing but the unbiased truth. The same goes for my dedication to the cause. I will tear down anything and anyone who stands in my path to power. Truly, nothing can stop me from getting what I want. I only have one word for those who think they can try: Run.