I can't help but to stare out the window as I drive home. It was somewhat hard to tell apart the days in a place where everything is different shades of white, but I recognize now that it must be very late fall. Even though I'd only spent a couple days inside the hospital, everything seems different to my eyes. The bright colors of fall that had pierced my eyes as I first entered the hospital, reds, yellows, oranges. They've all fallen, replaced by brown. Everywhere I look, all I can see is brown, from the branches to the rotting leaves on the freeway. I look up at the sky, hoping to see something that would bring the brightness back into the world.
But all I see is an endless spread of grey. The sunless sky spread across as far as the eye could see. I leaned back the the chair, thankful for that. The brightness of the multiple cars that sped by made me flinch, each color bursting in my eyes like an explosion of color. Blues, blacks, reds, and occasional other colors caused me to near jump out of my seat.
"Are you okay?"
My mother hadn't stopped asking that since we had left the hospital. Multiple variations didn't change the annoyance I felt at the question I had already answered.
"I don't know, what do you think?"
A sarcastic answer, but a necessary one, in my head. I couldn't shake the doctor's words from my head, the conversation that followed.
"Your disease is progressing faster than normal. It's an unusual case, but then, this whole syndrome is unusual."
I winced as the doctor's blunt words echoed in my head.
"Say your goodbyes now. You might not have much of a chance later."
I can hear my mother screaming at him, until he speaks again.
"It's progressing so quickly we think you might only have thirty days before it consumes her whole body."
My breathing grows quicker and shallower. I feel a tightening in my chest, although I'm unsure whether it's reality or imagination.
"Maria, your breathing!" My mom shouts, a reminder to what the doctor said. Keep your breathing even.
I gulp back tears, shaking my head. "I-I- I can't!" I cry. I choke back sobs, and instead of speaking, I stare out the window of the car, watching cars zoom by.
Blue, black, red, grey.