Remember- NaNoWriMo 30 DAYS COMP

This is complete unedited trash. Expect a lot of tense changes and grammar mistakes.
Oh and anything in the font 'courier new' are my notes to future me as general changing and editing points. I do a full analysis every 3 days or so, so bear with it.


8. 07-Nov-15


I remember the emptiness, the loneliness, the fact that I cannot remember. And it is in that misery that I let myself forget.

But I must face him. For Leila. I took a deep breath and spoke,

“You hurt Leila. She is only 14 years old.”

The chair creaked as he pushed it backwords looking considerably more bored.

“You are in no position to argue with ethics with me. As I said, you are no-one. Stop trying to act like a God Miss Amara, you have no power and now no-wealth after one bad decision.”

“She was not a bad descion,” I say with force, I didn’t know I had in me. I know the woman was not a bad decision, however much life was telling me. I just know. I pull my gown over my flimsy nightclothes, rushing up here in anger was a bad decision.

“Where is she now? Where is that robber now? I am tired of this conversation. Leave, or I will make you leave.”

But I stayed put, quiet as a statue. If Dove thought I would leave, he was very wrong.

To add insult to all the injuries, he had not once looked up at me from his paper which was now full of many words so cursive it was illegible. I doubt Dove had ever paid for tutors for his younger employees. Leila did not know how to read; she told me it was work on the ships or live in the streets. It made my heart heavy to think of children like her who missed out on a childhood for the benefit of a cluster of rich bastards.

I forget.

Unable to think of what to do, I fumble around with my hands. I could kill him, but that would be wrong. Uncle told me an eye for an eye was wrong. But what if it was for a friend, for revenge. Revenge was such a peculiar word. I knew it to be immoral and the sinful but it seemed like the most satisfying option at the moment. I could save everyone like this.

But then could I actually kill the man? I can’t even fight.

Perhaps I should leave this to the world, not meddle in his business and take Leila far far away. There was only an hour left anyway. I turn towards the door but freeze at the sound of a familiar grunt.

In the window stands the Stranger. I’m forgetting, I’m remembering. The Woman. I’m forgetting, I’m remembering. I’m forgetting, I’m remembering.

Collapsed on the floor, I clutch my head in my hands and struggle to breathe. Dove strides towards me grinning like a maniac, boasting about something I can not quite make out. The shadow in the window aims a dagger and sends it directly through his heart.

My eyes shut tight as I struggle to grasp the sight of the limp man on the cold hard ground beside me.  

Yes. I could not kill him.

My head pounded as the shadows descended and pulled me to my feet. I had to ask, it did not matter if it was the wrong time, it did not matter that the guards would find us any minute now. “Who are you?” I whispered, the words taking the last of my energy. Why was I so tired?

“A Stranger, a Robber, a Woman. It does not matter right now. All that matters is that I am a Friend,” the Stranger said leading me through the door, “Now, let’s get you dressed. We are leaving this boat right now.”

“Wait, where is Leila?” I frown. The Stranger turns to face me. Though, a rugged peach coloured scarf covers the mouth, in her dark doe shaped eyes, I can see the sadness. A stone forms in my stomach and with that the dying flame is relit. I don’t care anymore. I don’t care what anyone thinks.

So with a newfound strength I pull the Stranger by the sholdours and snarl, “Don’t treat me like a child. Tell me what has happened.”

She raises her arms up in surrender and removes the scarf. Her whole face was in loss.

“I  found.. I found her drowned under the sea. It was too late. I couldn’t do anything.”

She leads me to her body laid carefully on my bed. Leila was soaking wet, eyes closed as if she was sleeping. But she will never wake up again. I would never hear her sing terribly and talk aimlessly without end or meaning. My first friend had died and I could have saved her. I could have saved her. This time, I did not care, I would make sure the person who killed her would suffer miserably.

I plaited her flaming hair as the Stranger gathered my belongings. Then she picked up her body and we walked through the crowds of the wealthy passengers and servants around the spectacle around Dove to the docks. No-one paid attention to the stranger, the lonely and the dead. No-one notices those who are lost in silence. Those who don’t draw themselves to attention, they are the people who make the loudest echoes, the deepest imprints. Yet we forget them, we focus on those in the limelight and those who got the chance to bring fame upon them self.

So we simply walked towards the port and onto the sand. No-one watched when we burnt the body and I scattered the ashes into the sea. She had told me to. I had dismissed her, told her that she would not yet die, but Leila was prepared. She was brave.

My first steps on land where different than I had been anticipating a day back. I had thought I would locate my place, find whoever ‘Elias’ is but I failed to realise that I had already discovered where I belong. As I sit on the rocks at a isolated spot overlooking the sea with the stranger, I think aloud.

“Why? Why did they kill her?”

I hadn’t quite had the chance to look at the Stranger properly. I faintly remember her removing a number of shoulder pads and various other paddings. But now I could quite definitely see that she had a feminine body, though it did not seem like she had any curves. She leaned over to the small bag at her side and pulled out a small silver charm.

“They were scared. Us human’s are strange. We are scared of whatever we have no control over.”

I pulled the charm into my hands and felt a wave of ice filling my veins. It was the ice charm of an Xana. I had read a passage in a book about Xana. They were dangerous magical creatures living in the Cursed Plains. Exactly a hundred and fifty years ago, explorers found a gateway to their lands. In a flurry of excitement and curiosity, humans set out to gain knowledge but the Xana fought them. According to the book they hurt them, sent curses and waged a war but human’s ahad trapped them. Since then the gateway to the cursed plains had locked and monitored 24/7 by the armies of the Faecham.

But  Leila was not evil.

“You found that?”

She nodded gravely. “It was tucked into her pocket. It would explain why they killed her.”

I let out a sigh, tired by this talk. Don’t dwell on the past, but on the future.

“Why did you come back?” I asked, trying to change the subject.

“Who am I?” I nodded, “My name is Zephina. And you needed me and I needed you.”

“Zephina? I like that,” I said, trying to smile, “I need to find a man. I should probably leave. Thank you for being here.”

“Have you ever been here before?” She asks, as I shake my head, “Then I will accompany you.”

“I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. I am fine.” I say bluntly.

“Only until I finish owing you.”

“You don’t owe me,” I say looking up towards the stars.

“Yes, yes I do. Amara I owe you. I’ll start with this. Amara.” She stoped as if carefully rethinking what she was about to say. I nodded her on. “Amara. You didn’t remember who I was. I heard you talking to that bastard, you don’t know your parents...”

I clasped my head into my head and tried to block out the sounds,

“Please, listen. You are suffering from memory loss. I’ve seen this before. You are forgetting things, little things, big things. I don’t know. And the point is you don’t know either. It is strange, you act as if it hurts to remember. I’ve.. I’ve been watching you through the window.”

My breathing quickened.

“I.. I know. I’ve always known. I just didn’t want to know. So I.. I let myself..”

As soon as the tears came, I wiped them away. I was not weak. I was strong. I will be strong. And Zephina didn’t say another word. She let me grieve in peace of a girl I didn’t really know and a life I had forgotten.


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