Bright lights and sounds that I couldn't be locate. I tried to open his eyes, but I couldn't. Okay, if I was dead, so why I didn't I see what came after death? Perhaps it would be like this? I couldn't move my body. Nevertheless, I began to get used to the sound.
"She's not dead!"
Okay, I'm not dead, or whoever they were talking about? I felt nothing in my body and I was almost unable to breathe. Talk about that death wasn't as I had imagined.
I don't know where I was, heaven or hell. Somewhere I landed, and somewhere there were people, but I didn't see them. Sometimes I was in a tunnel. Sometimes they were right next to me, but I couldn't see them, just hear them. It was uncomfortable.
I don't know why, but slowly I began to think about that with rebirth. Maybe I was in a new body, that fast, and maybe that I was now in a new bosom, as a new family member? Nevertheless, I decided to turn it off. I remembered too much of myself, who I was. They should have to now erase my memory if I was reborn?
"I'm here, Darling!"
I recognized the voice. Yes, I certainly recognize that dark muffled voice. I tried to collect myself and find out to who it belonged. It wasn't Liam, I was sure. Damn, Liam? Where was he? Shouldn't he give me food? No, I was going to die so he couldn't come with food.
I don't know how long I had been between life and death. I also had no idea what was happening around me or if I was really alive. Yet, I woke up by New Year's fireworks, which thundered outside a window. I slowly opened my eyes and I noticed that I was alive. I was in a dark room and I had devices attached to me. I realized slowly that I was in a hospital. I saw the reflection of fireworks on the walls, blazing light from rockets as was shot up. Okay, I had a window in the room?
It ended up, that crackle in the sky, and I slowly realized that this was a new year? I tried to move, but it hurt. I discovered that my hands were wrapped and I felt that my body was sore. I slowly started remembering that I would die, but I survived? Liam had taken me to a hospital? I doubted that idea. He'd rather let me die than that I would get help. I was sure I had been ready to die. I had said goodbye to life, and I had given up. I was confident that I had turned off the element and slowly let nature take its course.
A strange woman was standing by my bed. Her facial expressions to judge, she wasn't ready I would be awake. I was as surprised as her. Quickly it turned up a doctor and soon he began to go through the units, and then he smiled at me.
"You're in the hospital." he whispered kindly, as if I couldn't understand that. "I'll call your husband."
No, not Liam! Damn, he left the room.
Yes, this was a pain. I watched people come and go. They made sure I was lying in the right way and they arranged the rug, and the devices. I couldn't talk and I could hardly move around. I tried to open my mouth, but I was so dry in my throat and I had so much pain in my thought. I also had pain in my entire body and I couldn't understand why no one saw it.
A face appeared and I think he took my hand. It took me a few minutes to realize that this was the face that I had been trying to remember. He, who sat next to me was Harry. I was almost surprised that I saw him. He had tears in his eyes and he held my hand tenderly. He almost dared to touch me, but in the end appeared a hand up and he caressed my cheek.
"We found you in the last second." he whispered hoarsely and foggy. I swallowed. They found me? But Liam then?
"We found you!" he repeated as if I hadn't understood. I frowned and actually it came the tears from my eyes. How did they find me? So many questions and I couldn't even ask them to him.
I realized that I was weak. I slowly realized that I really had been about to die. Harry stayed by my side and he almost slept in the chair next to me. Our children? Slowly emerged that issue up. We did have children together? Well, Hanna and then I had Charlie?
It took a few days before Harry dared to speak about the truth.
"Police found him, but he refused to tell them about where you were. We understood that we had only a few days left." he whispered hoarsely. "In the end, his mother scolded at him and said that he wasn't her son. He broke down and told them about where you were. We found you frozen solid."
"Oh darling, you lay in a bed, and I thought you were dead."
I tried to say it was okay, but I still couldn't talk. He sobbed and tried to bite the bullet.
"They said you were dead, but they managed to revive your body in the ambulance. Your body was so cool and they are unsure of how it goes with your legs and arms, which is why they are wrapped."
Harry wiped away tears.
"But only you get back to life, then I'm happy."
I reacted. My arms and my legs? I frowned. He seemed to understand.
"Your toes were black from the cold." he whispered hoarsely. "But they do everything to get your body back to normal."
I tried to feel my toes, but I couldn't. He picked up my hand and kissed it.
"It will be fine, just you're here with me."
I didn't know what I would think. My legs? If they took my legs, I couldn't walk, and what would I be of use to him?
It was late one afternoon as a doctor looked at me. He frowned and he looked over at me and Harry.
"We are forced to cut off the legs."
I just wanted to cry. What? Harry trembled and he nodded a little bit.
"Is that what's needed, so it's okay." He looked at me. I shook my head, but he didn't give up. "Darling, you can die if they don't cut off your legs."
Okay what was supposed to survive? I landed in a wheelchair and they took my legs from the knees. I felt like a fool. Damn, how could I live now? They tried to get me to practice using my hands, but I refused. I ended up in a stupor. I saw no end to this. I had no legs and my hands just did hurt. They demanded that I would fight, but why fight when I wasn't normal in the body?
The turn came the day when Harry took Charlie and Hanna to the hospital. I sat in the chair and I looked out over a grey street, by the window. I heard the sound from the door, which opened, but I was in the habit of not bother me about that.
Hanna's voice. I felt the whole body became heated, but I was ashamed. Was I really a mom, now that I lacked legs, as Liam had ruined everything? Still, I felt her hand on my shoulder and I saw her lovely face that searched my eyes.
"Mom?" she whispered again with a trembling voice. I saw her face, her eyes, and they were full of tears. Damn, I loved her so much. I felt the tears came and I quickly grabbed my arms around her and hugged her tightly. Charlie showed up and he participated in the hug. I closed my eyes and I felt hope coming back. This was my children and if I didn't fight for them, then I had nothing to fight for. I wanted to say sorry, but my throat ached. I cried and I didn't released them, I didn't want to let them go. This was my children, this was my reason for living. I shouldn't forget about them.
"Rufus, can do many tricks now!" whispered Hanna just to tell something. "He can jump and he can spin around."
"And my Rufus also jump over obstacles."
I smiled and I looked at them both. I loved their votes and they had to talk, arguing and do what they wanted, just as long as they stayed. I think Harry left us alone. We sat long time by the window and they talked about school, about friends and about things that had happened. It was as if they wanted me to understand that life continued.
Harry chose to be alone with me. The children left us and he sat by my side. He held my hand tightly and he did everything to not start crying.
"They need you." he whispered hoarsely. "As much as I need you. Please don't give up."
I cried and I took my arms around his neck. I hugged him and I tried to show that I was going to fight.
"I love you so much!" he whispered sobbing against my cheek. "I'm so sorry for what has happened, but I love you more than you can understand."