A Brand New Little Britain Episode

Here is my own 'Little Britain' episode with my favourite characters in brand new sketches.

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10. Dame Sally - Autobiography

EXT. DAME SALLY'S HOUSE – DAY

The gardener is trimming the hedges in the shape of an anus.

NARRATOR (V/O):

This is the home of Dame Sally Markham, the world's greatest romantic author. Romances are what linked me to my marriages but they're not useful when it comes to divorces.

INT. STUDY – DAY

Dame Sally is lying on the sofa, while Miss Grace is typing on the writing desk.

NARRATOR (V/O/CONT'D):

Today, this famous author is writing her autobiography.

DAME SALLY:

“And that is when I decided to become a romantic novelist and I have been writing ever since”. The end! How many pages?

MISS GRACE:

(Counts) Six.

DAME SALLY:

Oh. "If you don't believe me, take a look at some fan mail." Open the post bag, Miss Grace.

Miss Grace opens the bag and reads the post.

DAME SALLY (CONT'D):

What do they say?

MISS GRACE:

(Reading the post) Arnold Jones from Bolton says, "What is she thinking as much as she is writing?" Katie Richardson from Doncaster says, "She'll never make it into the history of romantic novels!" And Michelle Trish from Manchester says, "As a romantic fan as I am, I have read better action-packed bestsellers than – "

DAME SALLY (CONT'D):

All right! All right! Just change the fan mail into positive comments and put that in my autobiography. (Doorbell rings). Oh, that'll be the chocolate delivery man. Go and pay him and bring the sweets up here to me, will you, Miss Grace? All this is very hard work.

Dame Sally nods off. Miss Grace sighs and bangs her head on the typewriter.
 

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