The things you can't remember, and the things I can't forget

Whether or not you end up reading this, it was something I needed to write. Whether or not you deserve to know how you how you changed my world, I'm going to share that with you. I started writing this for you, I'm finishing it for me.


4. July


This is the month when love became action:


You had told me you loved me many times.

You had told me when you were drunk. And I ignored it.

You had told me over the phone. And I ignored it.

You had texted it.

Held my face in your hands.

Confessed to me again and again.

But I didn't say it back.

Initially I didn't believe you.

I couldn't fathom a love that sometimes hurt me.

I wasn't ready to tell you something I thought you wanted to hear.

Because you liked the words.

I wanted to say it when I wanted to say it.


When I said "I love you too." I was scared.

Your kind of love was all consuming.

I knew it would destroy me.


I let you lead me.

The control was completely with you.

You constantly reminded me not to give up.

I agreed.

You became my hulk.

I was willing to let go to let you in.



You told me I wasn't ready for you.

I told you I deserved better.

We were liars.

We were co-conspirators in sabotage.


We were wrong for each other.

Then we were right for each other.

I fed you the world's greatest pizza and we made a huge mess.

We were a huge mess.

You pulled me close to you in the parking lot and asked me what I wanted.

It felt selfish to ask for more.

You were my whole world.


You asked me one last time not to give up.

I promised I wouldn't.







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