1. I chew th thought away
I have always thought if I had something like food in my mouth, it was wrong. There was just, something wrong with it. I couldn't bare the thought of taste for a while because I lost taste. When I used to binge and purge, I couldn't taste anymore.
I looke to the mirror one day in short shorts and a tank top. Ugh, fat fat fat. So I made a pledge to never eat again until I was beautiful. Until I could prove to everyone I can do this and succeed.
The more people knew..the more self conscious I got...making sure I would never even drink water in front of any of those who knew.
When I want to binge or eat I chew gum. Chewing gum makes me believe I' eating, but without a bunch of calories and carbs. A stick of gum is like a stick of good and bad. It can help me have energy, but it will stop me from eating a single bite of food. I chew the thought away. It's like I'm chewing the world away sometimes. The pressure to eat. The pressure to not ecsersize. The pressures to get better. My minds in a mental state where it forces me to keep anything from helping me get better and one of those things is chewing gum.