Lately Ana has been very ill. This is what I was afraid of. The doctors said that her health is a major concern. She can't walk or do anything on her own. It worries the shit out of me. Not too long ago I was told she was going to be okay. Now I'm hearing the complete opposite. Tara and Trevor have been asking about her every day, seeing as she doesn't want any visitors since she doesn't want to be seen this way. I try to reassure them that she's okay, but I'm lying, because the doctors aren't sure. She isn't going too strong on this pregnancy, which causes concerns for when she is ready to give birth.
I've been trying to do my best to stay strong for her. But I break down when I'm not around her. How is it that one day they can be so certain that she is going to be okay, and the next it's the complete opposite? I just don't get it.. I sit in the room in deep thought, and Ana looks over. She touches my arm and I am quickly pulled from the dark thoughts that are running through my head.
"You okay Justin?" She looked me in the eyes and I could see the worry in her eyes. I look deep into her eyes for a moment before flashing a smile at her. "I'm okay, I was just thinking about how good of a mother you're going to be." My smile faded into a smirk as I placed my hand on her stomach. Then it vanished, and my face was blank. I looked away and took a deep breath. "Are you hungry or anything? You haven't been eating much lately and that's not good for you and the little one."
"I've been trying to but nothing stays down. I can barely sip on a glass of water without it coming back up ten minutes later. I'll try a little bit later." I nodded my head and slowly laid beside her. My bare arm touched her skin and I immediately felt her sweat and burning skin.
"You're burning up, I'm gonna go and get bath water ready to try and cool you down a bit. I'll be back in a few minutes to get you." I kissed her forehead, got out of bed, and made my way into the bathroom. I shut the door behind me and walked to the tub. I started the water and sat on the floor beside the tub with one hand dangling over the edge to make sure it didn't get too warm and too full. The other hand held my head up. What am I going to do? Should I call the doctor? I feel completely helpless. She's carrying my child and suffering, and I get to sit here with no damage done, other than emotionally because I'm seeing her go through hell.
My frustration from these thoughts caused a breakdown in the bathroom. I ran my fingers through my hair and tried to take a deep breath. Eventually I was calm and as soon as the water was at the perfect height I turned it off and walked to the mirror to make sure I didn't look stressed. I don't want to put her through anymore than what she's going through now.
I walked back into the room and picked her up. I sat her on the toilet and helped her undress and get into the tub. She sat back and I rubbed her shoulders to try and make her feel comfortable. I started washing her hair, and scrubbed her back. As soon as she was cleaned off I let her sit in the tub so I could grab a towel and get her clean, dry clothes to put on. That's when I heard her scream. I rushed back into the bathroom and she sat there with her back arched, holding her stomach. Her face showing extreme pain. I looked into the tub and I saw red. In complete panic I yelled for my mom. She ran in and told me to call an ambulance. I grabbed my phone and immediately called them and explained what was going on. My mom started draining the water and wrapped the towel around her. She held Ana's head to her chest as she cried. I got off of the phone and took my moms place. She grabbed a duffel bag and started putting clothes into it just in case we would have to stay in the hospital. My heart was racing and I felt like I was broken.
When they arrived they picked her up out of the tub, put her on the gurney, covered her with blankets and rushed her down to the ambulance. I got in with her and my mom stayed with Tara and Trevor along with my siblings and the rest of the family. They hooked her up to a heart monitor and air mask and her heart rate was dangerously high. I held her hand, and sat there while they were doing everything they could to keep her calm and get her to be stable. Hearing I was going to be a father was scary, but amazing the moment I was told. And I know now why I felt so scared of this happening. It wasn't just because I felt like I wasn't going to cut it as a dad, but the risks that it was going to take to become a parent on both ends were taken into consideration at that point. And never did I think it would get this serious.