the fear of falling apart ; mgc

"if you love me, let me go." *trigger warning*


2. two

the emotions on my mom's face is unbelievable.

sad. horrified. disgusted. and confused.

she clamps her hands over her mouth, staring in despair. i would too, so i cant blame her. she doesn't even do anything. her eyes just grasp the sight of my deep, fresh cuts.

i don't even think her main focus is on me - but the blood and how much of it escaped from my skin. it's shocking.

my body is a bloody battlefield - and i'm losing the fight.

i, however, just stand there, over the sink. my blades have fallen from my hands, my cuts still stinging. i can't even look at her right now - i'm too ashamed.

this is how dad felt.

and these few words escape from her lips:


i stsand up straight, look at her in the eye (which is by far, out of all i've experienced, the most difficult thing i've done) and speak.

"i'm sorry."


to clear my mind, i take a walk. i don't even car about the people staring at my scars. why should i care? now? no. i just walk.

eventually, i stop at a park. there's no one here, as far as i can tell - except for me and some kids from my school. my eyes are blurry so i'm not sure who it is. my phone beeps.

fancy seeing you here :)

from michael.

the group of students move closer, and things are in focus. i come to realize that it's michael and his friends, jayden and brian. i rarely see him with calum, luke, or ashton. which is fine, it's not my business, but i've always liked them better.

they wave, and i wave back. for the rest of the time i'm there, we all keep our distance. i'm really not so with them anymore, i'm just a ghost. as i walk to get up, michael texts me again.

see u on monday c:

see ya.

​ the real nightmare starts when i get home. mom is still there. and by dinnertime, she brings up earlier. it was bound to happen, but i didn't want it to. i couldn't keep up with the lying.

"i'm worried about you, unity."

"you shouldn't be," i sigh. "i'm okay."

"yeah, tell that to the cuts on your cheeks."


"i signed you up for rehabilitation."

that's the sentence that changes everything.

"i'm not going, mom."

"it's too late, unity. i've already filled out the forms."

"jesus, mom-"

she raises her tone, which is something she doesn't do very often, "i only want what's best for you, unity! don't fight with me!"

i have no response.

"you leave in two days."


i read after. and let me just say, it is amazing. i swear, i will die if i don't buy the second book.

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