2. The dilemma starts
I throw my shirt and bra over my head, studying my stomach that pokes out just enough for anger to spill into my low self esteem pool. I then take off everything else, turn the shower on, and click the button to the playlist of music I want to listen to. I rip the shower curtain open, and step into yet another night of dilemmas. I stick my pointer and middle finger of my right hand down my throat, sliding it across the back. The dilemma sets in as I fell my spine poke out of my back with my other hand.
" should I really do this? Should I get sicker but thinner or healthier but feeling fat?" my decision is always the same once I remember all the bad that happened in that day.
I lean back and forth to make myself sicker, and feel the lumps of food slide out of my throat and onto the shower floor. I did this many times until my stomach swelled down. All that's left are tiny splotches of food on top of the shower drain and particles left stuck to the shower wall.