Dilemma

Bulimia Anorexia Ana Mia

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7. Inhaling Ana and exhaling death

 I thought I would eat more today. I'm disappointed in myself. I had two pieces of lettuce for lunch and a banana for dinner. I stare blankly but with thoughts spiraling through my head as I look into the bitter cold refrigerator. "your almost there? Why eat that crap when you could have healthy yummy food?" for some reason..I can't eat anything warm but oatmeal. I don't know why exactly. I have told myself I'm going vegan...when really I'm eating little to nothing with a fear of gaining weight and eating in front of people.  

I step into the bathroom to get ready for my shower. Once my eyes meet the mirror, they regret it. My face looks deathly pale with light pink cheeks. My head hurts but I didn't notice it until now. I'm weak. My legs hurt just from walking today. I thought I someone succeeded today because I ate..but no...I failed...miserably. Is there hope? Can I ever recover from this pit? Am I inhaling anorexia and exhaling death?

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