I sat at the back of the classroom. Harry did everything to avoid me and I felt how I almost start to cry. We had gone from really knowing one another to be total strangers. He tried to smile and I saw at him that he was aware that I was there. He started to return the tests and slowly he slipped between the tables, until he came up to me. He looked straight at me and I saw the pain in his eyes.
"You did it!" he whispered hoarsely, and he laid it down in front of me. It surprised me that I got back the test because we had corrected it together. He went back to his place in the room. I looked down on the sample and immediately I saw he had written something there.
//Forgive me so dearly for what has happened. But you must understand that I have a job to think about and I'm too old for you. Yes, you make my heart jump and you're all that I want. But sometimes dreams can't become reality.//
Eleanor laughed and she looked at us carefully. I sat in Nialls arms, and we talked about what the future would bring us. Niall held me hard and I knew he loved me. I played theater. I had no feelings, and I had him just to pass the time. Yes it was cruel, but at the same time, I needed Niall to forget Harry.
"You are so cute!" she said happily. Niall blushed and he kissed my cheek.
"Do you hear that darling?" he whispered hoarsely. "We look cute together?"
Eleanor thought I had fallen for Niall. She thought she was behind it all, and it was thanks to her that I had finally had fallen in love. She quickly looked at the clock and then she stood up.
"I must go!" she quickly developed. "Louis will join me and we'll go to the movies."
Niall pulled me down on the bed, when we was alone. I was in a good mood and when he kissed me, I liked to kiss him back. He lay down next to me and I was surprised when he pulled up my dress.
"No!" I mumbled, but this time he didn't seemed to care. I felt his hand slipped inside my panties and began to caress me. I gasped.
He smiled and he ended the kiss.
"I just want to touch you." he muttered hoarsely. I whined to because he made me like it. Okay? Just touch? He kissed me and I answered it. Actually, it was okay. I felt how he got me to get excited, maybe not horny, but probably excited enough to let him continue. I felt he let his fingers discover everything and in the end he let a finger penetrate. It hurt a little, and I bit him almost in his lip. Was it like that it would feel? I didn't feel much inside but on the outside I felt more. I felt how he slipped into me and I felt how he moved over my clitoris. Niall groaned and he slipped more and more over me. We helped to get my panties off and he continued. Okay, it was just as well do it then? Maybe it didn't matter with whom you do it with?
Niall groaned and I felt his body moved. He had a condom on and he was in me, but I wasn't at all hungry for this. In my imagination it would have been incredible to have sex, but this was a disappointing. He whimpered and he had it all right, but I felt nothing. I only felt how he pounded against me and he held me tight. I almost wanted to cry. I had fantasized about feelings, that you would be desperate and no I myself felt only emptiness. If this was the way it was to have sex, I could live without it.
Niall came! I felt how he unbuckled himself and he shook. He moaned against my lips and he pushed all in. I just wanted to sigh and when he was finished, it was a relief. He slid out of me, took off the condom and went into the bathroom. I stayed in bed and I looked up at the ceiling. Okay, now I understood nothing. That wasn't at all like I had imagined and I was almost disappointed all the way down there.
"Oh, you are so wonderful!"
Niall lay down on top of me again and he kissed me. He was happy and he had come. I smiled and I decided to swallow my pride.
"Then that was done?"
He laughed and he pulled his hands through my hair.
"Wasn't it nice?"
"Yes, of course?"
He kissed me.
"Oh, we fit together!"
I just wanted to shout out straight. No we didn't fit. I felt nothing for him, and that with the sex wasn't at all like I had imagined. When Harry had kissed my breasts, I was anyway more excited against now. Niall had just done it and he thought I was happy?
"We celebrate a month!" he murmured. I just want to cry. A month ago, Harry had said no to me? I didn't want to remember that day, and I just wanted to forget. It was a struggle to just go to school and I still saw at Harry that he was ashamed. He should be ashamed. He could have had me, and now he didn't want me?
"Can't we do something tomorrow?" he asked hoarsely. "I want us to celebrate!"
I swallowed and I tried to smile.
He laughed a little bit.
"Lie in bed?"
No, for God's sake! Not that.
"Can't we go out to eat or go to the movies?"
Niall nodded and he forgot about his proposal.
I saw them long before I should. Harry and Annie. He smiled at her and they went to a resturant. My whole body started to shake and I just wanted to cry, I wanted to scream. Niall held my hand tightly and he was talking on the phone with a friend. I was grateful that he didn't see my reaction. It hurt in my heart and it hurt in my stomach. I couldn't understand that he chose her, in front of me? We slipped past the dinning and through the window I saw how they sat at a table. Okay, the truth was that Harry had gone on with life. I meant nothing to him?
I was thankful that we chose to go into the cinema. We sat in a dark room and a classical movie was shown. I cried secretly and Niall never saw my tears. He was in the film and he ate popcorne as if it were important. He almost threw them in, and he laughed right out, so that it flew crumbs from him. I chose to try to collect myself. Harry had went on, and he chose that old thing? Okay, I was too young, but didn't he had a limit in the other direction? I felt the tears just flowed and I had to struggle not to sob loudly. I saw before me how all my dreams were erased and my last hope vanished away. Maybe I was meant to be with Niall? Maybe I should be grateful that he wanted me? All dreams couldn't go through and all my dreams about Harry was just a dream. Yet I still remembered what he had done to me. How I lay under him and how he kissed me with love. We were meant to be together and he didn't see it. He just saw her, that old and ugly thing?
Christmas vacation approaches. Eleanor was on fire and she looked forward to all the parties that she would go on.
"I wont go!" I got fast forward, because the only party I had been on stopped in the wrong way. Niall laughed and he kissed my cheek.
"Darling, I promise that you wont have to drink my red drink."
I looked at him coldly.
"Yes, I'm not even want to sniff at it."
Louis just smiled at me. He sat with Eleanor in his knee on the floor and Niall and I sat in my bed.
"But the party that school got?" Eleanor asked. I frowned.
"And let the teachers see us?"
"They are just at the entrance and ensures that no one outside the school comes in. It's actually quite funny?"
Louis looked at her with surprise.
"Can we guys come in?"
"I can ask. It's our teacher Harry Styles who takes care of everything."
I jumped and I just stared at her.
She laughed because Louis kissed her neck.
"Yes, he wanted to do something for us students."
I swallowed and I wondered whether this was a sign? Maybe I should go there and maybe he would....
"Ask him!" I said. Niall kissed me.
"If I go, I promise to take care of you."
I gave him a quick glance.
"You can take care of yourself?"
"Yes, or I show up for all what a wonderful boyfriend I am?"
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