"Come on! You've done it before!"
Liam held my hand tightly and I was and gave birth to our child. The doctor smiled at me.
"Just a little bit more and then the head will be out."
I whimpered and I pressed. I felt the whole body shaking. It hurt, but I knew that soon it was over.
"Come on!" Liam whispered back. "I want to see him!"
I rolled my eyes.
"And if it's a she?"
"Then you know the terms?"
I tried not to listen.
"No more kids!"
"Well, perhaps one more?"
I heard the screaming. I feel paralyzed. I was tired. I saw Liam cut the umbilical cord and he smiled big and contented. I frowned.
He leaned toward me and he put my baby in my arms, with a blanket around it.
I puffed out.
"Didn't you see that I was hurting?"
He rolled his eyes.
"You girls are so sensitive?"
I knew he just wanted to tease me. I looked down at my son and I smiled slightly. This little man wasn't like Harry. Actually it was the first time in a long time that I came to think about him. He had missed so much, but at the same time had Liam got to experience everything.
"What's his name?" asked Liam cheerfully. I actually had no names in my head. I smiled at him.
"I chose Hanna. You get to choose his name."
Liam thought, and then he seemed to think of a name.
"And how did you get that name?"
He kissed me.
"I don't know, but it fit? He's a Charlie?"
Eleanor smiled at me when I showed her my and Liam's son. She seemed almost fond over that I had a son.
"He's so cute."
I smiled at her.
"Yes, and so far we don't know who he resembles of."
She laughed a little bit.
"Maybe the postman?"
"No, I've only been with Liam?"
She laughed a little bit.
"I was joking." she got up. "So how is it between you?"
I looked at her in surprise.
"How do you mean?"
She shrugged her shoulders and she sank down into the couch.
"Now that he's back. You know? Harry?"
"It's just rumour?"
Eleanor sighed a little bit and she looked down at the table.
"No, it's true." she got up. "I walked past our old school and I saw him."
I swallowed and that feeling came back. Damn, I was in love with Liam and I didn't want that an old love would affect me.
"He didn't chose us, me and Hanna!" I got up. "And on the paper are Liam her father. He has nothing to gain."
She agreed with me.
"I know, but considering that she's so much like Harry ..."
"He's not her father."
I know I shouldn't. I stopped the car at some distance away from the parking lot. I was in a way in need to see Harry. Still, I had a free afternoon and Liam had hired a nanny to take care of the children. I peered toward the school. Many memories came back. I still remembered that night, when he first had sex with me. I frowned. Actually I remembered just what was worth to remembering. Harry had loved me and I had been so in love with him, as a girl just could be. I now belonged to Liam and I didn't want to put our relationship at stake.
I froze when I saw Harry. Yes, he was as beautiful as I remembered him. His hair was a little longer and he had more worn pants. He went straight from school straight to the car. He had sunglasses. Damn, I just stared at him. One thing was certain. I didn't have the ability to talk to him again. I was sure I would then feel the same again. I sat still and I saw how he started the car. He left the parking lot. I don't know why I went after him. Something told me that I would. I had the distance between us and he couldn't see that it was me. He first went past my parents place, which caused me to be surprised. Then he went to his house. I saw how he left the car and went into the house that had once been my home. My heart ached, my stomach tingled and I just wanted to cry. Damn, I would never look for him ever again.
Eleanor smiled big. We were at a playground. Eleanor rocked Hanna back and forth in the swing and I stood by the stroller with Charlie.
"I saw him!" I got up. She understood right away and she frowned.
"Were you at his house?"
I swallowed and I looked down at the ground.
"No, I was standing outside the school and I don't know why, but I drove after him to his home. I saw him."
Eleanor hesitated. What was there to say?
I shrugged a little bit on the shoulders.
"I just wanted to see him."
She cleared her throat.
"And now you've seen him?" She looked at me seriously. "Please, don't do anything against Liam and don't search Harry up again."
"I know and I anyway don't want to go back to him."
She eyed me carefully.
"I see at you that you are lying."
I moaned and I gave her a quick glance.
"But I don't want a man who leaves me when I'm pregnant. Liam stayed by my side the whole time and I'm not..."
She sighed and she interrupted me.
"Yes your mind saying that, but what does your heart and everything else telling you?"
I hesitated. I didn't know what to say and that was the answer enough. She smiled at me.
"Now you know why you shouldn't see him."
Yes time passed. I chose Liam before anything else. Hanna eventually became six years and Charlie four years old. We were a normal family. We celebrated birthdays with the whole family and Christmas Eve. It was like I was living the life as I wanted. I became a lawyer and I worked with Liam and his father. Actually, I loved my chosen profession, and I realized that I was earning good money.
It wasn't until that day when everything changed. Hanna had accompanied me to the hairdresser. We had then bought some clothes and we sat at a cafe. She ate a bun and drank a soda. I sat and sipped my coffee and I peered down into a newspaper, which I had bought. It was a wonderful day and I actually had the whole day off from everything.
I looked up at her.
She looked down on the bun.
"A man staring at us."
She was brought up, and she had learned that you nodded toward things that you wanted to tap. It was Liam's earnings.
I turned my head around and I almost fell off the chair. Harry was standing under a tree and he looked straight at me. I lost my breath, I lost the ability to talk.
"Mom, do you know who he is?"
"Yes darling, but let's not stare at him."
I looked back toward her and she saw that my smile was pasted. She smiled a little bit, and she took a big bite.
"He has been there a long time and I know you know him."
I feel small. Damn, Harry was standing over there and he saw us? He saw me and he saw Hanna. I didn't know what to do. I just couldn't tell my daughter that it was her father. She thought Liam was her dad.
She giggled a little.
"He's on his way over here."
Harry hesitates. Yet he stood near the table and he looked at us both.
I looked up at him. My heart ached. I felt my stomach twisted and my legs were weak.
He looked at Hanna, and he smiled a little bit.
"Hello to you?"
She was in great spirits and I saw at her that she was only amused.
Harry looked at me again.
"Can I sit here?"
I was about to say no. Hanna giggled and she nodded. He was fast. He picked up a chair and he slid down the enden of the table. He hesitated, but he looked straight at me.
I tried to collect myself.
"Hanna can't you go and buy an ice cream?"
She was thrilled. I gave her the money and she ran away to the queue. I then looked at Harry.
"She just know that Liam is her father. She doesn't know who you are and I haven't told her anything about you."
I saw that he suffered. His eyes were blurred and he almost didn't dared to look at me.
"I see that she's mine!"
"You don't own a daughter just because you first fucking her mom and then accuses her of things that aren't true."
He swallowed and I saw how hard he gritted.
"I was scared."
"And you don't think I was scared?"
He looked at me again.
"No, you were anything than what I was."
I rolled my eyes.
He frowned and he looked straight at me. I felt his green eyes penetrated me and I was forced not to look at him.
"I'm married and I have a son with Liam. Hanna sees him as her dad. I got support from him when you disappeared."
"I know! Some other teachers were compelled to tell me about it."
"And you think I should just believe in that?"
He shook his head
I felt how irritated I became.
"I got the answer and I was waiting for you. I sat at home and cried in my apartment. I thought you'd come back!"
Harry lowered his eyes.
"I had time to move, and I didn't get the letter until she was over a year old, and then it was too late."
He nodded a little bit.
"I fled and I admit that I was a coward." He looked at me. "But I didn't see the answer until it was too late. I came back but I saw you with him and I understood that I shouldn't put myself in your life. You were lucky to have him."
"Six years, Harry?"
"Yes and I have done everything to keep myself away. I know where you live, but I chose to stay away from your life."
I snorted again.
"So now you play the victim?"
He shook his head.
"No, I'm telling the truth." He looked into my eyes. "I love you and I know that I shouldn't be here, but at some point I want to explain."
"No, Harry!" I whispered hoarsely. "You ruined everything by not trusting me."
He was near to cry.
"Please allow me to explain?"
Hanna came back and I stood up. I reached out my hand to him.
"It was nice to meet you, but we must go."
He chose to stand up. I saw the despair in him.
"Yes, it was fun to talk!"
He held my hand tightly and he looked straight into my eyes. I was shaking, I wasn't me but I was able to pull his hand away.