Passion during lesson

It isn't easy to be eighteen years old. It isn't easy to be included in an age when you're between adult and teen. It isn't easy to be in love with a teacher and the teacher was everything you dreamed about. My life was chaos, but at the same time not. I was what my parents dreamed of, but at the same time I wanted to belong to a teacher. I wanted him, I wanted to love him and I wanted to be loved. It was a dream that didn't fit into a society, as I lived in. It was a dream that turned around and couldn't be stopped.


1. The beginning

I know I shouldn't fall for a teacher, because it only meant trouble for me. A teacher always see the student as a student, and nothing more. Therefore, I was aware that my feelings couldn't be answered, never! Yet it was something that attracted. Harry Styles was a popular teacher and he knew how to make students to listen. During his classes were all silent, and it was as if it were something magical about him. His dark voice could do miracles and his smile got even those who were dodgy to smile and blush. Harry wasn't like any other teacher. He had something that no one else had, and it might take me a lifetime to figure out what. It was as if his green eyes saw everything and he was aware of everything, except that the girls pined for him. He had long hair, curly and dark, and he often drew his hand through his hair. He was usually wearing a black shirt and tight pants, which just got my imagination to float away. The top buttons used to be undone and you could see his tattoos. I loved that he was tattooed. I dreamed of what he had under his shirt and all the images he might have chosen. It was as if you couldn't stop to admire this man and he was everything that a girl wanted. When Harry walked around the classroom and talked about something, all hoped that he would walk past just them, so that you could get the smell of his cologne. It was as if you didn't get enough of him and it was so incredible that he didn't know about it. I knew he was single and I knew he lived alone in a house. I was sure that he had a perfect home, and he sat in the evenings with a glass of red wine, read a thick book and sat in front of a fireplace. Yes, I know that the reality was something else, but for me he was like a knight. He lived in a castle and he saved women in distress, but not me.


I went last year of high school. I realized that the hours were numbered before I would lose that teacher as I loved. Okay, I chose not to flirt in the same way as many other girls. But still there was no hope left. Maybe I also just realized that part, that he could never be mine. I was hopelessly in love and it was just me who would be hurt.


I lived in a normal city. My parents had a normal house and I had everything that a girl needed. In the summer I worked extra in a convenience store, and I had friends. I was a normal eighteen year old who had a life ahead of me. My room had slowly transitioned from pink, girl room, and now I had white walls, which was for a more mature woman. In front of me I saw that I could educate myself at university and I had common plans for my future. Maybe I should have thought an extra time of my youth selections. My parents were prepared for me to follow in their footsteps. Possibly become self-employed as my dad, or doctor like my mom? There between there was much they agreed to and they wanted their daughter to make them proud.




"Damn I hate school!"
I quickly looked at Eleanor. She had just broken up with her boyfriend and she was anything but delighted to live life. I smiled at her and we walked towards the entrance.
"I like school!" I got up just to not be neggativ. She snorted and she straightened her jacket.
"I wish we could stop going here and start living. I want to work and not sit with my nose over a book."
I laughed a little bit.
"But to get work, good money, you must sit with your nose over a book."
She laughed a little bit and she looked quickly at me.
"I wish I were you sometimes, Kim."
I giggled.
"I know!" I got up, but then I realized that she had a more interesting life. "I have no boyfriend, I'm in love with a teacher and I lack the ability to say no."
She grinning.
"But you are always happy?"
Yes, I was known to be always in a good mood, but sometimes I was so close to show that even I could be angry, sad or pissed off. Still, I always chose the easy way out. I liked to spread sunshine and I liked to smile. It was easier, since I didn't have to explain why I was in a certain way. No one questioned a smile, but everyone queried an angry face.


We slipped through the doors and in school were all heading towards some direction. I actually liked coming to school but not because of my teacher, Harry. No, it was something that brought out the best in me. I was tense and I listened better. It was as if my brain was programmed to only be on top there and not at home.
"I have math today." muttering Eleanor on. We walked past the staff room and as always, I had time to peek in and see if I saw him, but as usual there were other teachers who were there. I smiled at her.
"How fun?"
Eleanor snorted and she rolled her eyes.
"Said Kim, who has the best rating of all."
I blushed. Yes, I was a top student and I had really struggled to get my grades. My mom put high demands on me and it was she who made me not give up.
"Stop!" I mumbled as I didn't want to be called grind. "I'm just trying to get somewhere with my life."
She laughed a little bit in response.
"Well, you'll hang along to the party on Friday?"
I frowned.
Eleanor sighed.
"But come on!" she got up. "You're eighteen years old and your parents can't let you be home all the time?"
I sighed and I looked at her.
"From what you tell me about those parties, I'm not eager to go there."
And the truth was that I was scared of Alcohol, for guys who wanted be all over the girls and I neither liked affected people.
"But it's a peaceful party of a friend." she quickly replied. "Please?"
I frowned.
"I'll think about it!"
Eleanor sighed and she looked straight at me.
"You looking good, and you should be out and discover life? Your life don't depends on the books?"
I smiled at her.
"But I get good grades?"
She agreed.
"But in the bargain, you have no life!" she whispered, almost as if she didn't wanted me to hear her. "You should have fun just once?"
Yes everyone was out to all the party, but somehow I hadn't had that interest in yet. I preferred to be at home in my room, reading a book and imagining about my teacher. Stupid habit and actually I knew how silly it sounded. I should have tried more in my age, and I should have had at least one boyfriend?




I sat at the back of the classroom. Harry was standing at the blackboard, and he spoke about a king who had died a hundred years ago. It was uninteresting, but when he told me about things, it was interesting. He took his hand through his hair, he smiled and he held a book in his large hand. I couldn't stop smiling and I couldn't stop staring at him. I listened to his words, and they ended up straight in my heart. Harry was wearing a coloured shirt. It was white with flowers and his tight pants showed that he went to the gym. I wished that I could see him take them off, see him smile at me and maybe even kiss me. I would die in the process, if he had kissed me, but then I would have died happy.


"And to test you read the pages that are on the board. You should also go through the notes from the lessons and I promise that it will be tough."
No sighed, no one said no. Everyone just smiled and I smiled big, the biggest smile of them all. I put up my books in my bag and I took up my bag. It was then I saw Sophia walk over to him and I saw how he looked at her. My heart stopped. No, he didn't have to  look at her. She was one of the school's popular girls, and she got all guys as she wanted. Yet I stood there and I watched as she sucked up to him. She almost stood too close to him and he just smiled. Damn, he couldn't smile to her!


When I left the classroom, she was still there. I saw before me the way she kissed him and my imagination began to change. Damn, I should have stayed, but I had no reason to stand there and stare at them. I frowned and it was like time just stopped working. I stopped working. Nevertheless, I tried to take me all the way to my student lockers and I tried to turn away all the images as appeared. Damn, I was an idiot because I was sure that Harry didn't even fell for her. I and Sophia were pupils, he was a teacher. I was forced to stop with this stupid habit.


"Please, can't you not go to the party?"
Eleanor didn't give up and she made me wake up from my thoughts. I just stared first at her at first and then I realized that this was a sign.
"Yes, I'll go with you!"
I realized that I should do like everyone else and I shouldn't be in love with a teacher. I should find a guy in my age, and I should love Him. Eleanor seemed astonishing.
"Are you serious?"
I smiled, because it was an easy way to get rid of my feelings.
"Yes, I'm serious!" I replied hoarsely. "I should do other things than the usual."

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