It started as a hunch. My period fail, and then I started to feel sick in the morning, until one morning I ran to the bathroom and vomited. I didn't at first think I was pregnant, because Harry had said he was sterile but then he seemed to suspect, but he didn't say much. In the end, I did what I should. I sat in front of him in his office.
"Harry, how confident are you that you can't be a father?"
He frowned and he looked at me.
"Why do you ask?"
"I feel bad, I don't get my period and I've only been with you." I got up. "I think you can imagine the whole picture, that I might be pregnant."
He laid down his pen and I saw at him that he wanted to say something. He looked down at the paper again.
"If you are pregnant, it's just a sign that you have been cheated."
I rolled my eyes.
"But come on, I love you and I haven't been with another man. Tell me why you think you are sterile."
I was surprised when he got angry. I saw how his eyes darkened, and he stood up.
"You've been cheating!"
"No?" I got up. How could he think such a thing about me? I have no one but him in my life.
"It's him, Liam?"
Now I was angry and I stood up.
"Now you listen to me! You know that I am with you and only you."
He shook the head.
"No, you've been with someone else. You're fuckin pregnant!"
I cried. I threw together clothes in the suitcase and I left the house without saying a single word. Harry had become angry and the only thing he cried was that I was an unfaithful woman. I was a whore and I wasn't worth the ring on my finger. Therefore, I put the ring on the bed and I realized it was over. I was pregnant with the man I loved, but he didn't trust me. Damn, life could be worse?
For a month, I lay on the bed, at my parents house. I was neither out doors or cared about school. I could hardly eat. It was as if life was over and I had nothing left. I know that I should fight for the child but for the moment I didn't realize that I had a life there.
"I've called the doctor!" Mom said kindly. She sat down on the edge of the bed. "They can do a test and see if Harry really is the father."
"He's the father!"
She pulled her hand through my hair to calm me down.
"Yes, darling, I know, but he doesn't know."
I looked up at her.
"He's hell no idea about anything and he hasn't been in looking for me for a whole month?"
She didn't know what to say.
"He don't dare?"
"He's not then the man I thought he was."
She sighed resignedly.
"Aren't you going to try to go to school anyway?"
I shook my head.
"No, I can't. I'm sick!"
"You are not sick, you're pregnant?"
Eleanor held my hand tightly. The doctor jabbed a needle through the abdomen, to get amniocentesis. I frowned and I whimpered a little.
"It's almost over!" he whispered kindly, and he pulled out the needle. I whimpered again, but only for the sake of it. He did what he would do and I remained on the bed.
"Your boyfriend was here and left a blood test."
He nodded quietly and he wrote something in my journal.
"He wanted the answer shortly, but I said that it takes time." He smiled then against me. "He's not the first and he's not the last to react in that way."
It didn't help me.
"He doesn't believe me, he doesn't trust me."
The doctor looked at me for a while.
"He said he was sterile. I haven't gone through his journal, but he seems determined."
I sat up.
"And I've only been with him, so I'm as determined as he."
Eleanor couldn't be quiet.
"He just wants to get away. Typically such men?"
The doctor seemed to understand that we were angry and he quickly changed topic.
"You'll get a new time to come here next week."
Mom frowned. We stood in my new apartment and I had got a job. My new boss understood me and maybe she wanted to show a little compassion, because she still gave me a job.
"It's not a big apartment?"
I smiled at my mom.
"I'll just stay here until I know what I want to do."
She didn't like my new life.
"You shouldn't dropped out of college?"
I went up to her and I gave her a quick hug.
"Let's not talk about it." I got up. "I'm pregnant and I have to correct my life after that. Maybe I can start reading when the child is born?"
She sighed, and she shook her head.
"That says everyone in your age and then they end up in low paid job?"
I couldn't bother me. Instead, I walked around the apartment and made so that the right box was in the right place. I had bought new furniture and almost everything was new. I didn't own many things and thanks to my parents, I afford this. Mom followed me.
"Shall I help you?"
I shook my head.
"No, this I do. I want to know where I put my things."
She smiled a little bit.
"Then I go home? Do you have food?"
I nodded at her.
"Yes, you filled my fridge, remember?"
She blushed a little bit because it was out of love that she asked.
"Yes I know!" she muttered hoarsely. "But call home if there's anything you need and I might come over one day and make sure you're okay?"
The answer came on the test and I was right. Harry Styles was the father of my child. I smiled and I sat down at the kitchen table. I knew he would get the same answer, and in a way it felt like a victory. In my imagination, he would call me and say that I had to come back, but I understood that it could even have the opposite effect. Perhaps he was ashamed? Still got the hope back. I loved him, even though it was thanks to him that I was in an apartment, alone. I loved him, although he was the reason I didn't go on with the university.
A week went! Harry didn't called me and in the end it was as if I sensed how everything was going to be. I would be alone with my child?
"You shouldn't cry over that idiot." Eleanor muttered angrily. "Obviously he's not looking for you. He's fuckin a man?"
I laughed a little bit.
"Yes, he's a man, but I thought..." I frowned. "Life sucks?"
She agreed with me and she took my hand. We sat in a restaurant and ate. I was now about to grow out of my clothes, even those who had once been big. You could see that I was pregnant and actually I was proud.
"Live isn't always as it seemed to be." she said. "Look at us? I'm dating an idiot and you got away? We can't make it better?"
I laughed. Her irony was wonderful.
Both I and Eleanor raised our head. I was surprised when Liam was standing there and he looked straight at me.
He blushed a little as he realized that we hadn't expected to see him.
"I heard what happened." he got testing out. "Too bad you didn't continue to go to college?"
I smiled a little bit.
"No, I lost strength and maybe it's not meant for me to do so, not yet."
He nodded a little bit and he looked uncertainly at Eleanor and then at me again.
"May I sit down?"
She was fast.
"Yes!" She held out her hand. "I'm Eleanor!"
Liam laughed a little bit and he took her hand.
"I'm Liam!" Then he released her quickly, sat down and he put energy in me. "You're pregnant?"
I nodded. I knew that he had already seen it and I chose not to be ashamed over the truth.
"But he's not in the picture?" he continued. I shook my head.
"No, he has chosen to not do so."
Liam smiled weakly.
"So then you might have the urge to go to the movies a day?"
I was about to say no, but Eleanor had second thoughts.
"Yes, she wants to go to the movies!"
Liam laughed shyly. He was perhaps flirty but he wasn't at all as I remembered him. Perhaps he had matured?
"I can call you?" he looked at me again. "I still have your number."
"Who was he? He was super cute?"
I quickly looked at Eleanor. We had left the dinning and I saw at her she wanted to know everything.
"I went with him to class." I got up. "He's just a regular guy?"
She didn't agree with me.
"He looked at you all the time. You are so lucky, getting all fancy guys. He's in love with you and I'm sure he wants you, although you're pregnant!"
"Don't say that you have imagine a fanfic again?"
She was grinning.
"Yes, but this time you aren't together with a crook."
Eleanor smiled big.
"This time he gets to be a mysterious spy!"
I sighed against her.
"Liam is neither the one nor the other." In fact, I was still missing Harry and I couldn't see myself being with another man. Yet perhaps I had to take the one as wanted me? Much like when I was with Niall? The idea was there, but at the same time I just wanted to be friends with Liam.
Liam was actually okay. We went to the cinema and I laughed the entire time. It was long since I had felt happy and I was grateful.
"And what are your plans?" asked Liam, when he followed me home. I smiled and I pulled the jacket around me. It was dark and it was one of those starry night.
"I guess I take one day at time." I answered honestly. "I have stopped planning."
He smiled at me and it was as if he was thinking.
"I have a plan."
I looked at him.
He took his arm around my shoulders and he looked straight at my profile.
"I will hang out with you, as much as I can."
I rolled my eyes.
"Oh what a good plan?"
He nodded with satisfaction.
"Yes, it's a good plan, because I intend to convince you that I am the best man there is to be, and when you come over your old life, I be there for you and take care of you."
I was close to laughter.
"And what makes you think that I even want you?"
He thought and he continued to smile charmingly.
"Let's put it like this. You will realize that you want me and that belongs to my plan."
Okay, I laughed.
"And if I still don't want you?"
He smiled at me.
"Then I continue until you say yes!"
I smiled wide and I looked up at him.
"Honestly, I'm not exactly such a girl you should flirt with. I'm crushed by my former boyfriend, I'm pregnant, I am poor and I have no education. I'm a problem!"
Liam stopped and he shook his head quickly.
"No, Kim!" he whispered hoarsely. "You are a survivor."
"But you can't hide that I'm pregnant with Harry?"
He raised his hand and he tenderly caressed my cheek.
"I fell for you the very first time I saw you. I stood in the auditorium, and I didn't dare to sit down next to you. You now know that everything was just theatre? I hadn't missed the bus and I had eaten breakfast."
He smiled and he leaned toward me. His lips just touched mine but the effect was complete.
"I love you!"