I don't know which was best. Not to be seen by Harry and dream away, or being seen by Harry and let him smiling mysteriously? I entered the school on Monday, and I happened to see him. He went to the teachers' room and when he saw me, he smiled awry. It was a smile that said that we had a secret and I hated it. Couldn't we just go back to the days when he didn't know who I was? He had been in my home and I had been at his home. It was wrong and I quickly realized that this was going to be tough. I was his student and he was my teacher and he had shown that clearly by not seduce me. Yet I remembered the feel of his hand under my chin and how he had seen me. Damn, I was crazy with the thought of what didn't happen.
"Sorry I disappeared at the party?"
Eleanor came up to me. I just smiled and I couldn't explain that it was okay. I opened my locker and she stood beside me.
"I actually met a new guy. His name is Louis and he's so much more than any other guy ..."
I didn't listen. I only had one thing on mind. That as happened to me. I had been back at Harrys house and I were grateful that Eleanor had gotten lost. I was also pleased that Niall had given me drinks, that I had gone away from them, but I was forced to be silent about everything that had happened. Harry wanted a secret and I had to bite the bullet.
"But you went home?" she asked. I smiled and I nodded.
"Yes, I was tired and I had gotten into me that red drink."
"I still said to Niall not to flirt with you."
I was surprised.
"He didn't flirted with me?"
She laughed and she raised her brows.
"You don't remember anything, huh?"
Okay, now I was a question mark.
She giggled and she leaned against me.
"You sat on the sofa and made out with Niall."
Damn, I was stiff all over. I didn't remember that I sat on the sofa. I just stared at her and Eleanor realized that I had lost the memory of that night.
"But you remember that he was over you?" she mumbled questioningly. "He said later that you were with him?"
I shook my head quickly.
"No, I..." I realized that I couldn't say more. I couldn't remember even if I had said something to him. Eleanor became a little more serious.
"Niall said you were hungry for more, and when he would look up condoms, you ran away?"
Weak fragments appeared. Yes, I kissed him and I had let him caress me all over the body, but not down there. He had mumbled something about sex and I had thought he was joking. Damn, I didn't want to remember. I was white in the face and Eleanor realized that I realized things.
"But nothing happened!" she got up. "You left him to go home and he was looking for you. Then he found another girl to do some things together with."
I realized one thing. Harry had really saved me. I had been under Nialls violence if none of that had happened. Weakly, I remembered that Niall followed me, but when I started to vomit and Harry appeared, he disappeared quickly away. Niall had seen that I had been with Harry? Maybe not? I remembered it as if in a daze.
I hadn't studied for the test. Harry sat at the front of the classroom and he read a book. All was quiet and everyone wrote, but I just sat and stared at him. I looked down at his shirt and before me I saw his naked torso. Damn, that I didn't take the chance? Maybe he had pushed me away, but I had at least been trying? I looked down on the exam again. I frowned and I tried to read the questions, but again I looked up at Harry and I gasped. He sat and looked at me. He sat very still, his eyes enveloped me. I blushed, but I was sure that he didn't see that. He never smiled or showed a single sign of a feeling. He just stared at me. Damn, he got my body pining after him. I wanted to feel his lips against mine and I wanted to push myself against his naked body. I wanted to be the only woman for him and I wanted to get things happen in his bedroom. He smiled a little bit before he looked down at the book again. I frowned. Why had he looked at me? I swallowed and I struggled to read the first question again. I wanted to do the test, but I had already fallen by not studying.
"You have five minutes left!"
Some stood up because it meant that you could submit the sample. I swallowed and I was close to tears. Damn, I flunked this test and my life was chaos. I wanted to write something, but what? I frowned and I peered at Harry again. He smiled at those who submitted the samples to him and he put them in a pile in front of him. He was happy and he didn't seemed to understand that I was influenced by him. He couldn't now correct my test, because there was nothing to correct. I shook in my body and I was ashamed. My name was on the paper, but that was all. How could I explain this? He would surely think that I wasn't a well-behaved girl, and that I had ceased to care? I wanted him to have a high opinion of me and I wanted him to think I was all that he wanted. Now he got just proof that I was like any other and that I was a loser.
I looked up. I found that everyone was gone and I was left alone. I just wanted to cry and I felt the whole body shaking with shame. Harry stood up and he walked towards me. He smiled a little bit and it was as if he was curious about what I had written. He came up to me and he looked down at the paper. I saw the surprise in his eyes and immediately the tears came.
"I forgot to study!" I got quickly up and I looked down on the bench. I don't know if I should be stopped crying, but I couldn't stop it. He slid down on his haunches beside me and he brought his arm around my shoulders.
"You tend to always have all the answers, right?"
I sobbed and I wiped away the tears.
"Sorry!" I muttered hoarsely. "I only forgot to study."
I was surprised when his hand came up and he put them under my chin. He made me look at him and I looked into his gorgeous green eyes. He wasn't angry, and he wasn't disappointed. He just looked soft at me and it was as if he understood.
"It is okay!" he whispered hoarsely, and he had a smile. "If you wish, you may make a re-test?"
"I haven't had to do that before?"
His fingers slid up to my cheek and he wiped away a few tears.
"Some time must be the first." he muttered hoarsely, and he almost seemed to hesitate over what happened. He watched me as I wanted and he didn't seem aware that I sat and wanted to be kissed.
"You can get a week to study?"
He took his hand away but he didn't stop to look at me.
"And I know that you will get all right."
Eleanor saw that I had been crying, and she saw that something had happened. I blushed and I tried to keep all the secrets inside me.
"I get to do the test again in a week."
She hugged me, because she knew I never flunked.
"Oh, I promise to help you."
I tried to smile and I hugged her back.
She released me and she seemed to sense that I was especially sad because it was Harry's lesson that I had missed.
"Did he understand?"
I nodded a little bit.
"Yes, he did."
She smiled comfortingly.
"You usually never miss a sample and at some point must be the first?"
I agreed with her, and I got up a smile.
Yes, I really put effort into studying for the exam. I wanted to prove to Harry that I was that talented student and I didn't want to lose his confidence. It was important that I proved that I was all that I had shown him earlier, a good student who put the grades before anything else.
"It was lucky that it was in Harry's lesson that you flunked." my mom said. I gave her a cold look. She appeared in my bedroom and she looked at me with kind eyes. She had begun to talk about Harry, as if he were her friend and I didn't like that change.
She smiled a little bit.
"I've invited some friends over on Friday and Harry is one of them."
I almost fainted. I just stared at her and I become angry at her.
"He's my teacher?"
"Yes, but you know Annie? She's single and it would be quite fun if they found each other."
I just wanted to die.
"She's not his type!"
"Really?" she got puzzled out. "Who's his type?"
I was Harrys kind of girl, and no one else. But how do you explain that to Mom?
"Please don't invite him here!" I got up. She just smiled and she sighed a little resignedly.
"I think you should let us adults take care of ourselves. You have enough with your own problems and I believe that it's only good if I get to know him?"
I rolled my eyes.
She shook her head and now it was she who was irritated.
"You get to stay home if you want, but let me take care of this. Maybe he will give you good grades if he gets to know the whole family?"
"No!" I exclaimed quickly. "I want the rating for what I do during school hours. And you're ruining my life."
She chose to leave me. Left, I sat with a broken dream. She did everything so that he would never see me as a woman. Now he would only see me as a daughter, and nothing more. And Annie was too old for him. She was probably ten years older, and she was divorced. Damn, I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry and I was hopeless.