On Tuesday I woke up with a headache. I had cried myself to sleep and I realized that everything was over. My life was over and I had nothing more to look forward to. The only man I wanted, felt that I was too young.
"You should go up?"
My mom appeared in the doorway. I chose to play feverish.
"I don't feel good."
"Are you sick?"
"I'm not good at all!" I whispered hoarsely. "I stay at home today."
At one moment I was angry with myself, and the next moment I was crying and all my emotions just spun around inside me. I didn't want to go back to school and I didn't want to meet Harry again. I was embarrassed, but not because what had happened. I was ashamed that I wanted him, and he had now said straight out that there could never be an us. Maybe he preferred younger girls, but not as young as me?
On Wednesday Eleanor called me.
"How is it?"
I swallowed and I put the blanket around me.
"I miss you. We had a math test today and I needed you."
I smiled a little bit.
"I know, but you're doing fine without me?"
She agreed with me.
"Niall has been asking for you."
I rolled my eyes.
"Yes he who was looking for condoms?"
She laughed a little bit.
"Yes, I know that he's perhaps a little too much sometimes, but he's actually pretty okay when you get to know him. He likes you."
I should be happy, but I just saw Harry in front of me.
She seems to like the subject.
"He said you're cute and he likes your smile."
"I don't think he even remember how I looked like?"
"Yes, he does. I showed him a photo on the cell phone and he wanted it. I sent it over to his mobile and now he has a picture of you."
I almost fainted.
"You did what?"
"Yes, you and he would fit. He's a bit more crazy than you and maybe he's clumsy, but he's lovable."
An hour later I received a text message.
//Hello this is Niall. Can I call?//
I sat up in bed. He had got my phone number? Eleanor? I frowned. What the heck would I do? I lay crying over Harry and now was another guy interested in me? I frowned.
"Why did you want to talk to me?"
I lay down on my back and I heard Niall in the other end. I wanted to know where I had him. He laughed a little bit and I realized he blushed.
"I thought we could meet and maybe drink coffee together?"
I couldn't help but smile. He was cute in his voice and I heard he came from Ireland. He had that reverb on the vocal cords that attracted girls. Okay, I didn't feel that my heart was beating for him and I wasn't in love with him. I wasn't even interested.
Niall met me outside the school. I could hardly remember what he looked like, but now as he was standing there, I recognized his smile. He had blue eyes, blond hair and actually he was cute. Okay, he wasn't like Harry, but he was okay.
"Hello!" he murmured shyly. I noticed that he blushed and he avoided looking at me. Maybe he was embarrassed for the last time we had met?
He ran his hand through his hair and he looked at me as if I was forbidden to touch.
"So should we go?"
I tried to let go of the feeling of taking he as wanted me. Yes, I admit that I wanted to came over Harry, with Niall, just to do something that made me forget. I didn't want to be in love with my teacher and I wanted to be like everyone else. Niall wasn't even in my school and I could easily avoid showing Harry that I had boyfriend, because I still had hope left.
"Oh you are Niall?"
My mom looked approvingly at him. I blushed as I realized that I had once alleged that I was interested in him. He smiled at her and he greeted politely at her.
She giggled mockingly.
"Yes, Kim has talked about you so much."
It was a lie. I just wanted to silence her, but Niall appeared to be delighted over her words.
"Really?" He looked happily at me and I saw in his eyes that he thought that I loved him. Damn, that was just a lie.
"We go up the room." I got up. Niall chose to follow me and my mom seemed pleased.
"Tell me if you need anything."
I rolled my eyes and I went up the stairs, but Niall behind me.
I sat on the bed. Niall walked around in my room and he looked at my things. I tried to see him in front of me, in one of my fantasies, but it was like he didn't fit in. Damn, I should felt something?
"I like your room!"
He smiled at me and I got up a smile to him.
"There's only a room?"
He smiled more and he sat down beside me on the bed. He seemed almost glad he was with me and he looked at me in that way.
"So you want to be my girlfriend?"
I was about to laugh. You didn't asked that. Not in our age, but I chose to respond to his ignorance.
Niall was so immature, and I saw the difference between him and Harry. Harry was older, and that as now sat on my bed was something less.
"Good!" he muttered, and he raised his hand. He stroked my cheek and I felt nothing. It was like an idiot was sitting there and he didn't affect me. I tried to smile and look as if I liked it. When he leaned toward me, I understood that he wanted to kiss me. I was stiff in the body. He kissed me. It wasn't at all the passion that Harry had in his kisses. It was a wimpy kiss and not at all something that made me feel more. Still, I wanted to give it to him. I want to try and I wanted to forget the love that I would never get. Niall groaned and he leaned more toward me. I felt his arms around my body and I had to take my arms around his neck. He pressed our lips together as if it was important. Harry's lips were soft and so kissable.
Niall lay on top of me. I tried to see ahead of me us doing it, but when his hand began to slip inside my shirt, I hesitated.
Niall finished kiss. He was red over his cheeks and I felt he was hard down there. It wasn't nearly as big as Harry and slowly I realized that I couldn't continue like this. I would through my life compare all with Harry.
"But just a little?" Niall muttered hoarsely. "I missed getting to touch you again."
I blushed. I didn't remembered, after all, not how far we had gone last time.
"Okay!" I got up. "But no sex?"
The thoughts spun around. Niall kissed me and I felt his fingers caressing my breast, but he didn't make me come close to what Harry had started. Niall was awkward and he didn't know how he would do. I felt how he rubbed himself between my legs. He brought it back and forth and he moaned quietly against my lips. I understood that he was horny, I wasn't stupid, but I was everything else. I let him continue just to be kind.
Niall pulled down his fly and the pants went down, so just his underwear landed against my pants. He rubbed harder and I understood that he wanted to come. A hand slid under my butt and he put his lips against my cheek. I held him, but I felt that I was just disgusted. I felt he pressed it against me harder, and he shrugged the whole body.
"Is that all right that I come?" he muttered hoarsely. I smiled.
Niall lay completely over me and he continued until he started to twitch, shake and he whimpered against my cheek. I felt that it become wet down there and I realized that he had reached there. He slumped down against me. I looked at everything else in the room and I just wanted him to leave me.
"Oh, I like you." he muttered hoarsely. "Thank you, I wanted to!"
"We didn't have sex?"
He kissed my cheek.
"He's cute!" I heard mom say, when Niall had finally gone home. "He seems like a good guy?"
I slipped into the kitchen and I looked tired on her.
"Well, he's good enough?"
She looked up from the sink in amazement.
"I thought you were in love?"
I tried to smile.
"Well, I like him, but we've just met?"
She agreed with me and she went on with what she did.
"Yes, it's good that you take it easy. Guys today think only about sex and you know how easy it is to get pregnant?"
I got up a smile. Yes, I did.
"I know, Mom!"
She smiled at me.
"And I know that when that day comes, you use a condom?"
She blushed as this was the first time that she even talked about the topic. Maybe it was because I was eighteen years old and Niall was my first so-called boyfriend?
"I know what it's like to be young." she said further. "You believe that life lies ahead, but one mistake and you may end up in the poor streets."
"I know I shouldn't get pregnant and I'll wait until I get married."
"Well, the youth of today are in a hurry. It was different in my time."
"Yes, you didn't even dare to kiss Daddy?"
"I dared hardly hold his hand."
I went up to her. Although she was a crazy mom, as I often hated, I loved her. She tried on her way to make everything okay. I hugged her and then I sat down at the table.
"So what else?"
She sighed a little bit and she was thinking.
"Not much. Dad's coming home next weekend."
I looked up at her and I smiled. My dad worked on the move and he had been on a business trip to Germany. He had been away for several weeks and actually, I missed him.
"Yes, I miss him!"
I was startled. I saw in her eyes how much she missed my dad and that she still loved him. I felt how it hurt in my heart. That was how I wanted to be at her age. I wanted to find the man of my life and share everything with him. I wanted to love him, even when we had been married for several years.
"He comes home!" I said consolingly. "And he always has with him gifts?"
She smiled and I saw that she was close to tears.
"I know!" She cleared her throat a little. "But now I do the food and then we'll look at that movie on the television."