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"All I know is that it hurts. Looking at her hurts. It always has, it always will. I just want it to stop."


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“Why are you all dressed up?” Luke asked as I got in his car, putting my safety belt on.
“Save it.” I grumbled. “I know I look ridiculous, just save it, okay?” Luke has been driving me to school since he got his license. I used to have Kaylee or Ashton pick me up, but Luke only lives a few houses down, so it’s simpler this way.
“You don’t look ridiculous.” He laughed. “You look… Fine.” He attempted to compliment. “You’ve got that stomach… Thing going on.” We shared a small laugh, I rolled my eyes.
“My mum’s coming to town today.” I told him, smiling.
“Really? How long has it been.” I shrugged.
“Two years. Since our last dinner. Two years.” I looked out the window, watching as we passed by trees and other cars. Soon enough, we were at school.


“Hello, Lukey.” Kaylee grinned as she sat next to me in homeroom.
“Hey.” I chuckled a bit, glancing at her before going back to my work.
“Quit that shit out.” She teased. “Talk to me, I want to talk to you.” Complying, I sighed, turning to her despite the big exam I have in Lit next period.
“What can I do ya for, Ms. Hughes?” I joked, playing with my lip ring.
“I want to talk about Romy.” She eased into the topic slowly, earning an immediate eye roll and sigh.
“What about Romy?” I humored her, holding back my annoyance.
“What’s going on with you two? I mean… Shit you two are like walking on eggshells. All tense and shit.” She shrugged.
“Nothing, Kaylee. Nothing at all.” I shook my head.

“Oh, bullshit, Luke. Look, she doesn’t talk to me. I’m her best friend and she’s sealed. I figured she’d talk to you or something, I don’t know.” I looked away, at the other students trying to work, sending us annoyed glances.
“I don’t know any more than you do, Kaylee.” I replied honestly. “She hates me.” I lowered my voice. "All I know is that it hurts. Looking at her hurts. It always has, it always will. I just want it to stop." I sighed deeply, fisting my hair. “Do you have advice for that, Kaylee?” I challenged.

“You should talk to her and tell her that.” She finally spoke. “I think she needs someone to save her, and you need someone to save you, too, Luke.”
“She hates me.” I spoke slowly because she obviously didn’t understand. “She always has.” I bit my lip. “How long are you guys going to keep this up?” I asked, irritated. “We’ve known each other for five and a half years. Nothing has ever changed, nothing will change. She’ll always hate me, I can’t change that, I’ve tried. We sit here and watch all of you fall in and out of each other and we do nothing. Why? Because it’s weird, Kay… I want her to love me. I really do, but if she doesn’t, then she doesn’t. There’s nothing I can do about it. So don’t feed me that ‘we need to save each other’ bullshit, because she obviously doesn’t want to be saved. And frankly, neither do I.” Before Kaylee could comment, the bell rang, and I packed my things, leaving without a goodbye and opting to walk around the halls until Lit ends.


“This is bullshit!” I muttered to myself as I exited the office.
“What’s bullshit?” Luke asked, nearly scaring the shit out of me.
“Jesus, Luke.” I let out a small laugh. “You scared me.” I commented, waiting for him as he caught up to me. “The fucking head teacher just told me that if I don’t change my t-shirt or get a sweater by third period, then I am being sent home for ‘not following school dress code’. “ I used air quotations, imitating the headmaster and rolling my eyes.
“So are you going to change?” He asked, amused.
“No! I’m not going to change!” I refused. “Well… I would, but I don’t have a sweater.” I rambled on.
“I have one in my locker you could-” I cut him off.
“It’s bullshit, Luke! Have you seen what Madison Brown is wearing today?” He lightly nodded, and I realized I shouldn’t have brought her up. “It’s just unfair!” I exclaimed. Luke pulled me down a hall, stopping at his locker and handing me a sweater.
“Thank you, Lucas.” I sighed, slipping it on.

“You’re welcome, Romina.” He mocked me.
“Please don’t call me Romina.” I laughed slightly, walking with him through the halls.
“Please don’t call me Lucas.” he mocked me once again, causing me to laugh.

“What class are you in?” He asked, his beautiful blue eyes connecting with mine.
“AP Calc. You?” I rolled my eyes, he laughed along, knowing as well as I that the teacher running that class was a complete bloke.
“Lit. I’m dodging an exam.” He sighed, pulling his hair into the gelled quiff. “Wanna ditch?” He offered, lightly biting his lip. I thought for a moment as we stopped walking.
“Fuck it.” I sighed, “Let’s get out of here.” We left the school, as soon as we got in his car, I pulled out my phone. “Should I text the group?” I inquired, Luke scrunched his nose.
“No, they won’t come.” I agreed with him as he pulled out of the school’s car park and headed down the street. “Where to?” He asked, seeming not to care.
“The mall?” I asked, hoping he’s agree, as I needed some new clothes. He sighed.
“Fine.” He muttered, turning the radio up a bit.

I pulled my hair into a temporary bun as we pulled into a parking space at the mall, I sighed quietly. “What happened to your neck?” Luke asked, lightly touching the bruise on the back of my neck, I gasped at the touch, momentarily freaking out.
“What? Oh, uh… Nothing. I must have slept wrong or fell… I’m not sure.” I sputtered the words out, hoping he’d buy my lie.
“You fell?” He repeated. “Romy, this shit looks like a hand. Fuck. You fell? That’s a horrible lie.” He put the car in park, turning it off, which caused the music to go dead. “Romy, what happened?” He asked again, his blue eyes meeting my hazel ones, I immediately looked away.
“Rough sex.” I lied again.
“Rom…” He began, grabbing my hand so I’d look at him. “Why are you lying to me?” He demanded to know. I scoffed, pulling my hand away.
“I’m not lying!” I became defensive.
“Yes you are! I know you are because your eyes… They widen when you lie. They always have.” I was surprised that he knew my tell.

“They do not!” As I said it, my eyes widened slightly. Shit…
“Romy.” He stated. “You can talk to me.” I didn’t budge, a tear slowly sliding down my cheek as Luke desperately tried to get me to confide in him. “A secret for a secret?” He asked. “I’ll keep yours if you keep mine.” His eyes seemed nervous, and although I had to keep my secret, I felt the need to know his. I nodded slowly, curiosity getting the best of me.

Luke didn’t say anything. Instead, he moved his bracelets revealing his scar and cut filled wrist. I tried my best not to gasp, but ultimately failed as I stared at him. He quickly covered them again. I didn’t want to speak, but after someone shows you something like that, it’s full of trust, and they don’t expect to go home empty handed.
“He hits me.” I whispered.
“Who?” Luke asked, realizing this was more than he bargained for.
“My father.” My voice cracked as I began to silently cry. “But hey, if you think my neck is bad you should see my legs and chest.” I attempted to joke. “Do you remember when I told you guys I met a boy at a party who took my virginity? I lied.” I let out a dry laugh, sniffling. “That was the first time my dad raped me. I’ve never properly had sex.” Luke stared at me like I was a prayer.
“You have to get out of there.” He whispered.
“Yeah? Where would I go? With my mum who abandoned us? I lied about that, too, Luke. I haven’t seen her since she left in year seven.” I sniffled, trying to pull myself together.
“How bad is it?” He asked. “I mean… Is it rude to ask how bad your bruises are?” I shrugged. “Can I… Can I see them?” I scoffed. He’s crazy.

“Not here!” I scolded him. “We’re in a bloody car park!” Without a word, Luke started his car up and was driving down the street.

“Where are we going?” I asked quietly. He didn’t answer me. Within ten minutes, he pulled up to his house, dragging me into his bedroom and closing the door.
“Sorry it’s a mess.” He shrugged, sitting on his bed. “Show me.” he requested, leaning forward, his elbows set on his legs, and his eyes beaming into me. I swallowed the dry lump in my throat, slowly untying my boots, his eyes not leaving me as I kicked them off, my socks coming off as well. I removed his sweater, setting it on the floor and immediately missing it’s comfort. To stall, I took my necklace off, followed by my bracelet, which revealed a healing bruise from when dad yanked me and threw me to the floor. I couldn’t take his gaze, so I turned around, pulling my shirt over my head. Luke’s breath hitched, and I knew there were bruises on my back. Hoping to make it better, I pulled my hair out of the bun, leaving it messily down as I stood, facing the wall in my bandeau and leggings. I slowly pulled my pants down, leaving my panties on, as I got the courage to turn around and show him. I slowly spun around, staring at him with tears in my eyes. Luke closed his eyes after a short look at me, cringing at the sight.

“I know they’re ugly.” My voice cracked.
“It doesn’t make you any less beautiful.” He quietly spoke, still staring at my bruises.
“You think I’m beautiful?” I asked, wiping my tears away.
“I always have, Romy.” He spoke honestly. Luke stood, slowly walking over to me. before he could do anything, I began to sob. He lightly rubbed my back and played with my hair while I ruined his shirt with my makeup. “Let’s get you dressed.” He whispered, leaving me for a brief second while he went to a drawer and grabbed a pair of trackies and a red coca-cola shirt. He helped me into the trackies, guiding me to the bed and sitting me down before putting the shirt over my head, gathering my hair to one shoulder in pursuit.
“Why can’t I just be normal?” I asked, sniffling
“Normal is overrated.” He tried to help, rubbing my back. “Normal is boring.” He bit his lip. I didn’t know what to say, all I could think about was kissing him. Though, I wasn’t sure how to tell him how much I wanted to. Instead of speaking, I merely leant in, pressing my lips against his. He responded by kissing me back, encouraging me to straddle his lap by pulling me closer. I complied, straddling his lap and tangling my hands in his hair as his tongue slid into my mouth. Luke and I have kissed before, but it never felt as right as it does right now. It never twisted my stomach in a knot or left me wanting more from him. As I lightly shifted my hips, trying to get closer to him, Luke moaned a bit into my mouth, I broke the kiss by allowing him to move to my neck, he kissed it, sucked the skin, pulling away and blowing over the sensitive spots, creating fire and ice.

I pulled Luke’s face up to mine, needing his lips on mine again. He kissed back momentarily before breaking apart, clearing his throat.
“Maybe we shouldn’t…” He rasped, his voice trailing off.
“What?” I croaked, getting off his lap. “You said I was beautiful.” Luke looked down at his now folding hands, leaning forward slightly.
“You are beautiful, Romy.” He said. My tears started again, I angrily wiped them away.
“Maybe I should go home now.” I bit my lip, knowing fairly well that I was close to sobbing.
“Romy.” He tried to get my attention, following me throughout his house. “I just…” He grabbed my hand. “You’re sad, Romy. I don’t want to take advantage of you. You’d regret it later.” I pulled my hand away from him.
“Maybe I actually wanted to kiss you, Luke. Have you ever thought about that? Maybe it’s all I’ve thought about today and maybe the only time my hands have ever stopped shaking was just then. When we kissed. Maybe I wanted to do it for a long time.” I snapped, walking out of his house and down the street.

“Romy! Wait!” He called, but made no effort to stop me. He stayed in his house. “You forgot your shoes.” He called, in attempt to get me to look at him. It worked, I stopped walking and looked back at him, standing in the doorway, shaking my head.
“I’ll see you on Monday.” I spat, continuing on my way back to my house.





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ღ Elliana 

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