Blood is supposedly thicker than water!

A family split into two, due to an event which caused people to take sides. Event though the event should have only ended with one side. Being broken by those who have sided with the guilty party, Anna is left broken and scared.

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4. Terrible two-some

Dear D,

Been home 10 days and got the holiday blues!!

ARGH! I never knew babysitting would be so stressful. I constantly counting to 10 and taking a deep breathe before I go mentally insane! Everything now is starting to sink in slowly and hitting me very hard, and I'm finding it difficult to manage with the stress. Even the extra stress of exam results coming nearer.

Last week I thought I had finally broken but in fairness I haven't broke properly yet! Still trying to deal with stress and hurt, anger and fear I feel of not only my own shadow, but people who look like him or are his age!! I will never know why it happened to me but I will know whether he will punish me more by pleading 'not guilty' which I assume he is going to do. All the messages within b-day and Xmas cards all make my skin crawl know when I think about it. I know I should not think about it, but I do! To be honest there is no love lost form who was two role models in my life. I looked up to them both and know I wish I hadn't. Because my Nana has shown her true colours in how she manipulates people in to doing things but this time it hasn't worked and I have shown I don’t have to be bowed down to her level! I am my own person and I will do what I want as long as I get stronger from it! This situation does kill me at times but hopefully I won’t let it beat me! I will become the stronger one and show others they don't have to hide because it's not their fault. Even though I feel as though I may have done something to encourage or make him do what he did but every time I recall what happened I don't see anything which I could have done for him to do what he did. I am not coping as well as I thought I would, but to be honest how am I supposed to cope! I can’t sleep and even though I got some tablets from the doctors, I refuse to take them cause I don't want help I just want to try and move on and for everything to go back to some normality. But I don’t know what normality is no more. Stressed to death about going to college cause I can't seem to sit for more than ten minutes before my brain goes into over-drive and starts thinking about everything.

I am looking forward to college I guess just for a change of scenery, but nothing will help to hide the pain and hurt inside because sometimes it gets too much. I am very nervous for Wednesday as it will be my first time going to the counselling thing. I also feel alone even though there are people helping me all the time trying to keep sane and strong. Just sometimes I find it hard to accept the help because I don't want to off load onto them and put the pressure on them! 

-A

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