When I Die

" When I Die." I Paused Sucking In A Sharp Breath. Now Swallowing The Hard Lump That Had Formed In My Throat As Tears Threatened To Spill. "Do You Think Ill See Him Again?"


1. Chapter 1.


My name is Lori Nichole Madison

I was named after my grandmother Laurisa Brookes. Right Now I live with my mother, Charlie Madison.

And this is my story.


(I prefer you listen to heal by tom odell while reading this chapter)



Leaving the airport I felt an immense weight being lifted off of my shoulders. Knowing  that my father was in peace made it a lot easier to breath without crying. Three weeks ago today my father left on business to London, and that's where he died.\

 It wasn't a very painful death...or at least that's what everyone keeps telling me. He and a bunch of business buddies owned a chain of abortion clinics, London was where he was going to discuss the "branching out of his business" and all was well.

 He Phoned me one  morning telling me that he would be home the next after noon with a surprise. Telling me of his crazy time in the beloved city, I smiled wide with joy until I heard the beep of his car through  the phone. He keyed his car starting the ignition.

And BAM 

  In an instant he was gone. Pieces of his 2009 Malibu and his body landed all around the parking lot. They couldn't differentiate the metal from what was his body. A Blood curdling Sound Along With Static Came Through The Phone Causing Me To Pull It Away From my ear. In that moment I knew there would be no more goodnight kisses, no more hope for Friday night movies. No more of him chasing off all the boys with a stick, no more love , no more happiness.  He Was Fused With Stray Metal And Torn to bits..They couldn't even scrape up enough to fill his casket  If I recall correctly his last word were. " I couldn't find spongebob anywhere on the television"

I smiled genuinely at the memory. Leave it up to him to sit around watching Saturday morning cartoons instead of going sightseeing like a normal person on a trip. 

" Excuse me Miss are you waiting for a cab?"

The short balding man said. snapping his two fingers in my face impatiently.

"uh-uh yes actually I am. For Madison?"

"Yes. Um Please let me take your bags". he said with a huff. Throwing the 'Madison' card on the drivers seat he ran around the cab throwing my bags into the trunk before opening the backseat door for me.

I climbed in before fastening my jacket and leaning my head back on the probably very unsanitary seat. "How long was I standing their for" I asked with my eyes still closed. heavy with some much needed sleep.

" Uh-Pfft Let Me think...I don't know probably 30 to 35 minutes. You Uh- started to cry and truthfully I thought you were mental" he said with a light chuckle glancing at me through the rearview mirror.

"My Father just died" I let the most personal 4 word just slip out of my mouth without a second thought. Maybe I just thought if I said it then I would really believe it.

But truthfully it just made my cab ride home 1000x more awkward.

As he hit pot holes and speed bumps, while missing a few right turns just making the meter go up (typical cab driver)

I silently cried ...And silently I made an oath to myself I will never love anyone again. I will shut off my emotions. I will not cry. Because I will not feel.

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