Didn't Turn Back

Buffy the vampire slayer. Buffy doesn't go back to Willow at the end of Wrecked. Hours later Spike finds Willow with a bruised head and shredded arms nearly dead. Love vs guilt.


7. Explanation

As soon as Tara finished her healing spell, she jumped up from the floor, and ran out the front door. The Scoobies were dazed for a second or two at the blonde witches speed. But recovered quickly and followed.
 Tara's rushed footsteps echoed down the street. A splash echoed along with her foot steps whenever she hit a puddle. Passerby's turned to look at the running girl, curious about where, or what, she was running to. Tara skidded around a corner and picked up speed. The hospital Willow was in was just down the road. [Willow's Hospital Room]> Her magic gone, her body healed and strapped to her hospital bed. Willow stared at the ceiling, evidently focusing on something important. Three nurses had talked about her while they thought she was asleep and had said she wouldn't be going home anytime soon. And that she'll probably be sent to a mental health center once her body healed. They hadn't known she'd been magically healed already. So she was trying to think of a way out of being sent to one. If I put it on hold and act normal enough, they might let me go home earlier and I can end it there. Willow said in her head. But, if they did send me home, would Buffy and Xander and the others even let me out of their site? She lightly bit her bottom lip. Okay, if I be plain old Willow for a while and convince them everything's fine, then I can probably end it a week or so after I get home. Yeah, that could work. But, if-When they, She corrected herself. ask what happened, I should probably tell them the truth. [Just Outside The Hospital]> “Open.” Tara said as she ascended the front steps. The glass doors opened, and she ran through. “HEY! SLOW It DOWN!” A woman yelled as Tara passed her. The witch ignored her and made her way to Willow's room. “Open.” The blonde said again, and the door to Willow's room swung inward. She had to grab onto the door frame as she went through it to slow herself down. Her fingers stung from hitting the wooden frame at such a high speed, but she didn't pay any attention to them. Tara scanned the room and took it in. Willow Rosenberg, the love of her life, was lying on a white hospital bed with restraints on her ankles, wrists, hips and shoulders. “Willow?” Tara's voice was barely a whisper. Willow lifted her head as much as she could and looked at Tara. Okay, here it goes. The ends of her lips curled into a small smile and her eyes filled with tears. “Tara?” Tara, whose face had just been cut in half by an excited and relieved grin so large it looked like it hurt, ran to Willow and hugged her head. “Y-y-y-you're okay, you're okay, I'm s-so h-happy you're okay! I'm s-so sorry I left, I'll n-never leave again, j-just don't leave either, okay? I-I'm so glad you're okay!” Tara stuttered her relief and promise of never leaving. Willow relished being in her loves arms again and silently promised the blonde that she would make sure she never hurt her again. But she didn't mean it the way Tara did. The witches stayed together, without the tiniest space between them, until Tara pulled away to look at Willow's face. “Wh-what happened t-to you? Wh-what w-was that earlier?” Tara asked concerned. The redhead looked away. “What's wrong, Willow?” Willow bit her bottom lip and stayed silent. “Willow, I love y-you. You can t-tell me anything and I'll a-always love you.” SIlence. “Willow p-please. Let m-m-me in. I can help, just l-let me-” “I hurt Dawn.” Willow interrupted, still not looking at her. “Amy took me to this warlock, Rack a few days ago. And he does really, really intense magic that gives you a high you wouldn't believe. And Dawn and I were going to a movie, but I stopped at Rack's on the way and afterward a demon chased us and I used magic to unlock a car and I crashed it and hurt Dawn.” She stopped her babbling and bit back her urge to cry. “Y-yeah. B-Buffy told me about t-that.” Willow looked at Tara then. Her eyes wide and her mouth hanging slightly open. “And you don't hate me?” She asked hopefully and confused. Tara pretended to look hurt. “H-hate you? You t-t-think I could hate you?” Willow nodded. The blonde smiled slyly. “You k-know I used to think y-you were smart. B-but after nodding just then,” She shook her head slightly. “Whoosh! S-sent that down the drain.” Willow lifted her eyebrows. “You could've p-put Dawn in a c-coma and I still wouldn't be able t-to hate you.” Tears tracked down Willow's face and she smiled a small smile. “I would be m-mad at you," The blonde assured her. "but I could never hate you.” A long pause. “I missed you.” Tara said. The restrained girls smile vanished. “I hurt you to.” Tara's smile followed her loves. “I changed your memory. I messed with your mind. Even after what Glory did. I-I, I'm,” She stopped, and she dropped her gaze. Silence filled the room again and didn't break. After 3 or so minutes, Tara cleared her throat and swallowed. Her soft voice filled the air and Willow froze. “I lived my life in shadow. Never the sun on my face. It didn't seem so sad though. I figured it was my place.” Her right hand came up and touched Willow's red hair. “Now I'm bathed in light. Something just isn't right.” She gently combed her fingers through her loves fiery hair. “I'm under your spell. How else could it be. Anyone would notice me? It's magic, I can tell.” Willow's eyes shifted to Tara's shoulder. “How you set me free. How you brought me out so easily.” The blondes fingers moved up and down the back of Willow's ear and Willow moved her gaze from her loves shoulder to her mouth. “I saw a world enchanted. Spirits and Charms in the air. I always took for granted. I was the only one there.” Her fingertips moved down Willow's neck and Willow shivered pleasurably at Tara's touch. “But your power shone. Brighter than any I've known. I'm under your spell.” She moved her fingers back up Willow's neck and around her jaw. “Nothing I can do. You just took my soul with you. You worked your charms so well.” Her comforting, warm fingers stopped at Willow's chin. "Finally, I knew.” She walked her middle and index fingers to the redheads lips. “Everything I dreamed was true. You made me believe.” Tara kept her two fingers on Willow's lips and used her other fingers to gently push her loves face so she could look her in the eye. “The moon to the tide. I can feel you inside. I'm under your spell. Surging like the sea. Pulled to you so helplessly. I break with every swell. Lost in ecstasy. Spread beneath my willow tree.” Willow lifted her eyes to meet Tara's. “you make me complete.” Tara leaned forward slightly, her eyes locked with the redheads. “You make me complete.” She slowly shortened the distance while singing “You make me complete.” The distance between them barely existing, Tara sang the last line of the song. “You make me-” Their lips touched and they slid their eyes shut. Tara tangled her fingers in Willow's hair and refused to let the redhead move away, but Willow had no intention to. Eventually Tara let Willow pull away for much needed oxygen, but kept her hand tangled in her hair. “But,” The restrained witch said in a whisper. “you left because I got addicted, and well, I still kinda am.” Tara dropped her smile. “I sh-should've stayed and helped you through it inst-stead of leaving. I'm s-sorry.” The blonde took her hand from Willow's hair and held it with her other hand in her lap. “Tara, no.” Willow said forcefully. “It was for the best that you left me.” Tara looked up from her hands, slightly confused. “You've made me realize that I need to at least slow down on the magics.” The blonde gulped and looked away from Willow again. “W-Willow, I t-took your magic from you s-so I could heal you.” Willow half-heartedly curled one side of her lip. “I know, I could feel the whole 'magic-less-ness'.” She tried to move her hand to Tara's, but was stopped by the restraints binding her to her bed. Tara didn't seem to notice Willow's attempted move. “And the 'healing of wounds' thing.” Tara looked back up at her love. “Yeah, um, and about the wh-whole wounds thing?” The powerless witch closed her eyes. “W-what happened Willow? Why d-did you-” The blonde trailed off. She couldn't find any words, so she became quiet and watch-y. There was a moment of silence, then “Scratch my wrists worse than raw, empty two bottles of mystery pills and go all razor-y on myself?” The redhead offered looking guilty and sad. Tara could only nodded. [Scene Of The Car Crash]> “I'm going to end this.” The shaking redhead said. She was shaking so hard she could barely stand, let alone walk. Willow took 3 steps then fell over. Landing on her hands and knees. Her hair was hanging like a curtain on her head. The hysteric witches body racked with sobs. “I-I have t-to end this.” She told herself. She choked back her sobs and said determinedly “I have to end this,” Willow pushed herself up once more and took a deep breath. “for Tara.” Her feet barely left the ground with each step. Causing a dragging sound. The redhead trudged down the street. She pressed her left hand to the side of her head. Crashing that car had taken its toll on her. Her hand stayed on her head and she looked at her dirtied black sleeve. She lowered her hand and pulled back each of her sleeves. The witch held her arms slightly out in front of her, with her wrists facing her. She sniffled and said in a slightly scared voice “That could work.” She came to a stop and squeezed her eyes shut. Her right hand moved to her left wrist, and she pressed her nails against her warm and pale skin. Willow winced when she broke the skin and droplets of blood slid down the side of her arm and fell to the ground. Willow swallowed. “For Tara.” She quietly told herself. Her nails dragged the small holes into not-so-small cuts. The redhead switched her arms around and repeated her actions on her right wrist. After 4 minutes of tremendously painful, tear inducing cutting. Willow stopped and decided she'd bleed out soon enough. She already felt light headed and a little nauseous. The witch staggered round a corner and saw she was close to one of Sunnydales many cemeteries. I'll bet I can find an open grave to climb into in there. The grass, which she thought didn't look green enough to be real, was slippery. She had already nearly fallen over more than once. But this time when The redhead slipped she hit the ground. “Ow.” She groaned. Her arms hurt too much to push herself up, so she crawled army style to the nearest gravestone. Willow turned herself over and sat against its cold surface. Her normally pale skin was almost paper white. Good. She thought. I'll be done soon. The witch squeezed her eyes shut again, trying to block out the world, which seemed to be throbbing. Minutes passed but she couldn't remember how to count them. Her heart beat was too slow to let her move. The gravestone felt like it was pulsing against her back. A distant voice whispered her name. “Willow.” Oh, someone's found me, I wonder who it is? I don't think it's Tara or Buffy or Dawn or Anya, it didn't sound like a girls voice. Maybe Xander? Or Spike? She felt someone put her arms in her lap and slide their own arms under her knees and around her shoulders. Whoever it was lifted her up too quickly and the sudden movement was enough to send Willow into oblivion. She felt less nauseous and her arms didn't hurt so much when Willow stumbled out of oblivion. Her eyelids felt heavier than normal. The redhead gathered whatever strength she could find and pushed her eyes open. All she saw was a blurred, white room and even more blurry, colourful blobs. Willow tried to focus on each blob, but couldn't remember how to focus properly. She shifted her eyes to the nearest blob and slowly, very slowly, the blob turned into a blurry edged Tara. No, Tara you can't be that close to me! I'll hurt you again! Get back! Get back! Willow screamed in her head and tried to get her words out but her mouth wouldn't work. Okay, I'm doing this for you Tara. The redhead slowly pulled her arms up and lightly pushed the blonde witch away, but Tara looked like Willow had pushed her with enough force to knock over the slayer. Willow's mind jumped back to right before she moved to get Tara away. And her arms moved faster than she wanted them to, and her palms slammed into her loves shoulders. Now, caught up with reality, she saw Xander catch Tara just before she hit the ground. No, Tara, I didn't mean to do that! She scampered out from under her blanket, and into the wall behind her. Suddenly her mouth started working, and she screamed “GET OUT! GO! GET AWAY FROM ME TARA! RUN. GO! GET OUT!!!”. The witch was trying to push herself through the wall and, now that things were in focus, she glanced over the rest of the room. Her eyes fell to Dawn, and she pushed herself to the other side of the bed, away from the youngest Summers'. She was still trying to push her way through the wall. Dawnie, get back! You're not safe being that close to me! Get back! “DAWNIE RUN! GO! GET AWAY FROM ME, DAWNIE! GET OUT! RUN!” [Willow's Hospital Room, Present Day]> Tara was staring at her former girlfriend, with her mouth hanging open and with wide, unblinking, tear filled eyes, as Willow explained how she'd ended up bleeding out in the cemetery. Willow wouldn't meet Tara's gaze and was crying uncontrollably. “Willow,” Tara whispered when the redhead finished telling her story, the blondes voice cracked when she said her name. “W-Willow, I. I don't,-” The blonde stopped talking, or more like stopped trying to talk, and flung herself at the redheads head. She wrapped her arms around her too tightly and frantically pressed kisses to the top of Willow's head. Tara-kisses. Willow purred in her head, momentarily forgetting about her quilt. I've missed Tara-kisses so much. Why did I choose magic over her? “W-Willow, d-don't y-you d-dare d-do anything l-like th-that again, or even th-think a-anything l-like t-that again.” Tara hysterically said, each word parted by a kiss pressed to Willow's fiery red head. “Willow I love you. I'm n-never going to l-leave you again, I promise, just d-don't d-do anything like that again, o-okay?” Burning hot tears ran down Willow's face and into Tara's shirt. Tara's tight grip around her head hurt, but Willow silently begged the blonde to never loosen it. I'm so sorry Tara. I'm so sorry for hurting you so much. But I have to do it again. But, once I do, I'll never be able to hurt you again, I promise. I love you Tara.

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