Didn't Turn Back

Buffy the vampire slayer. Buffy doesn't go back to Willow at the end of Wrecked. Hours later Spike finds Willow with a bruised head and shredded arms nearly dead. Love vs guilt.


14. Clean Up For Episode Two

The door slammed into its frame with a very loud whack. Tears were streaming down Willow's face. She braced her arms on the door and forcibly hit her head against it. The witches body shook with every silent sob. She slid to the floor, her knees pressed against the door where it met the floor. She sat back on her heels, her head still touching the door. Willow moved her hands to her head, the tips of her fingers touching but her elbows an inch or so apart. She had screamed at Tara to shut up because hadn't wanted her to keep talking. The blonde had said 'Willow, you are m-my life, you're my everything. No m-matter what you do, or what I d-do, that's never g-going to change, I love you' though she hadn't finished saying the 'you' at the end. I'M HER EVERYTHING. Willow screamed in her head. I'M HER EVERYTHING AND I MESSED WITH HER MIND. GLORY THREW HER INTO A BOX IN HER HEAD. I KNEW ABOUT THAT, I EVEN SAVED HER FROM THAT, THEN I PLAYED WITH HER MIND? WHAT KIND OF HORRIBLE THING AM I? Her lungs felt like someone was gripping them tightly in their hands, stopping her from breathing. No matter how hard she tried to pull air into her, nothing dared enter. Her face was turning red from the lack of oxygen and the overwhelming guilt that consumed her. I deserve this. The witch told herself. I deserve to suffocate to death. I deserve every kind of terrible death for what I did to her after she'd been through that hell. No. I deserve every kind of terrible death for what I did. Even if Glory had never touched her. She loved me more than life, more than anyone and everything. And I abused her without a second thought. I deserve every kind of hell, every kind of- Her muscles seized up, and a sob caught in her throat. Willow's legs suddenly wanted to straighten, and she was pushed up against the cold wood of the door as they tried to do as they wanted, her arms held between her chest and the wood. The redheads teeth squeezed together and her eyes bulged open. Willow's neck muscles wrenched her head backwards then slammed it into the door. A blood curtailing scream erupted through her clenched teeth. It was a high, pain filled, terrified, horrific burst of sound that didn't waver in volume, pitch or intensity. Her neck pulled back and hit again. And again. Something expediently strong knocked the door open. Squishing Willow between it and the wall. Her scream rose. She couldn't make out anything through the black and red spots clouding her vision. PLEASE STOP PLEASE STOP! I KNOW I DESERVE THIS BUT PLEASE PLEASE STOP PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE STOP! Willow begged the dark expanse of her mind. The door was pulled away from her hours or seconds or days later. Time seemed to have been carried away by the flood of pain. She fell to the floor side on, but something came between her and the carpet. Warm, strong arms held onto her. PLEASE WHO EVER YOU ARE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME PLEASE PLEASE!
Willow slammed the door into its frame with a very loud whack. Tara could hear her love fall against the door and slide to the floor. The blonde gently pressed the side of her face and the palm of her right hand to the cold wood. She shut her eyes as sorrowful tears slowly slid down the side of her face.
"Please my love, let m-me help you." Tara whispered into the door. Then she heard, and felt, something thud into the door. Please be standing up and going to open this door. She prayed to anything that could hear her thoughts. Something slammed into the door very, very hard and made her jump back. Then her loves voice screamed through the door. The sound made Tara's blood run cold. It slammed the door again and again. Tara grabbed the doorknob and tried to push the door open but it wouldn't budge. “BUFFY!” The witch yelled in panic, hitting her body side on against the door to get it open, it barely moved at all. Buffy's footsteps stormed up the stairs, and she was pulling the witch away from the door in a second. She did as Tara had done. Slammed her body against the door side on. It flew open, and the scream grew. The two blondes rushed into the room and Tara wrenched the door from the wall the moment she spotted Willow, trapped between it and the wall. Willow's arms her tightly pressed against her chest, her head tilted up and her eyes full of the horrific pain that caused the ice shattering scream. The redhead fell to the floor, her face mere centimeters from the now closed door. One of her hands were flexed open while the other was in a fist, drawing blood from her palm with her nails. The slayer dropped down beside her friend and put an arm under her to get her off the floor. Tara realized she could feel her loves dark magic trying to force its way through the covens containment spell and shut her eyes to focus on pulling it back. The magic unwillingly reseeded and Willow's scream died. Her love still looked in pain but no where near what she was feeling when her magic was trying to break its way into her. Several sets of feet rushed up the stairs and Buffy yelled to them through the door. "Don't come in guys, Will's right next to the door." Xander's panicked voice replied to her command. "What's happening? Was that her screaming? What happened?" "It's okay, she's having another seizure, but she's okay." Buffy answered, her eyes locked on her red haired friends face. "Another seizure?" Dawn asked in a scared, high voice. "God." Xander said quietly. Giles said "Oh no." and the slayer could have sworn she heard him wipe his glasses on his shirt. Anya banged on the door lightly with her fist. "Willow stop doing that right now. You're scaring everyone." "Anya!" Xander said a bit too angrily. "What?" The ex-demon asked in confusion. "She is scaring everyone and I don't think doing that is good for her." The carpenter sighed. "Ahn, she can't control a seizure. It's her body moving like its got a mind of its own." "Is it painful?" She asked, not wanting the answer to be yes. "You heard the scream?" Dawn said sharply. Anya went back to banging on the door. "Willow's body, stop that right now! You're hurting her." Three or four minutes passed before the seizure stopped and the red haired witch lay on the floor unconscious. Buffy gently lifted her friend and set her on her bed. Tara sat next to Willow and held onto her protectively. She softly ran her fingers through Willow's red hair, rocking her love slightly. Buffy stepped closer to the door to open it as she said “Okay guys, you can co-” She stopped mid sentence as her bare right foot landed in something wet on the carpet. “EW!” She squeaked, momentarily forgetting about the unconscious redhead. She whipped her foot up instinctively as she looked down at the small puddle by the door. "Uh, guys?" The slayer said in a quiet, grossed out voice. "Yeah Buff?" Xander asked concernedly. Before the slayer continued she looked over at the redhead's pants to confirm what she thought. Oh crap, I'm right. I hate it when I'm right. Oh wait no, I like it when I'm right, just not in this case. “I uh think Willow um peed on the floor and I just stepped in it.” “I'll get a towel.” Dawn said and headed back down stairs. “One of the blood stained ones please.” Giles instructed as he to went down the stairs. “Better make that two towels.” Anya added. “One for the floor and one for Willow.” The Carpenter agreed and also went down the stairs to get a second one. Buffy said 'ew' again, but more quietly this time, and cringed. She held onto her leg to keep her foot from touching anything and making that anything in need of cleaning. “Why'd I have to take off my shoes?” She whined to herself. The ex-demon knocked on the door again. “Do you need any help getting Willow out of her pants?” She asked like she was asking if someone wanted help doing dishes. Tara blushed. Someone asking to get her love out of her pants was something that would always cause the blonde to blush. "I think we'll be okay Anya.” Buffy replied uncomfortably. The slayer looked at the blonde witch awkwardly. “Um, should we uh, you know?” She asked, pointing uncertainly at the wet patch on her sleeping friend. Tara glanced down at the girl in her arms then back at the slayer. “I t-think we s-should wait for the t-towels?” Buffy nodded with enthusiasm. “Yeah, towels. Towels are good.” They waited for a minute in the bedroom. The slayer standing on one foot and the blonde witch protectively holding the redhead. Finally they heard the other Scoobies coming up the stairs and Buffy hopped back several steps. Xander was the first one in, carefully stepping over the slowly drying puddle and handing the towel in his hands to Tara. The blonde took the blood stained material and decided to wait for the others to leave before she started cleaning her ex-girlfriend up. Dawn tossed half a burned towel to her sister and covered the puddle with a non-burned towel and pushed it into the carpet with her shoe clad feet. The unpleasant liquid soaked through it and she moved the graying towel round so a dryer spot could soak up the remaining urine, careful not to touch the wet part with her shoes. "Right so I think I'll leave that there for a little bit.” The youngest Summers said to no one in particular. She looked nervously at the redhead. “Uh do you want help with-” “Tara and I've got it.” Buffy answered before the brunette had finished asking. Dawn hid her sigh of relief. “So we'll go so you can uh, you know, do that.” Dawn said as she started to usher everyone aside from Tara, Buffy and Willow out of the room. "Okay.” Buffy said nodding. Then shut the door behind them. Tara unwrapped her arms from around her love and stood from the bed. Her face was set in concentration as she moved to Willow's feet and started taking off her shoes and socks. She lay the footwear at the foot of the bed and, without hesitation, undid the redheads belt, jeans button and fly. Seeming not to care about the pee covering those things. The blonde gently grabbed the sides of Willow's jeans and pulled them down and off her legs. Buffy lifted an eyebrow, slightly weirded out. Does Tara not care about touching Will's pee? Either she is severely grossed out and is great at hiding it or it doesn't bother her in the slightest or it does gross her out but she's fine with doing it for Willow. The slayer thought about that for a moment. Then Probably the last one. She said to herself. The slayer walked around the bed and picked up Willow's socks and pants once Tara had gotten them off. The smaller blonde was relieved when Tara had wrapped the pant legs around the wet part so Buffy wouldn't have to touch it. She thanked her with an appreciative smile. The witch went back to the head of the bed and unbuttoned Willow's white shirt. “B-Buffy can y-you lift her so I can g-get this off h-her?” Tara asked when the last button was undone. “Sure.” Buffy said, setting the socks and pants on the floor. She moved round to Tara's side of the bed and gently slid her hands under the redhead. The slayer lifted her torso and moved her hands around to grant the blonde witch access to remove the unconscious girls shirt. Buffy set her back down and fixed her pillow. Then took the shirt from the older blonde and moved back around to retrieve the pale blue jeans and white socks. She averted her eyes the moment she looked back at the two witches and decided to study the ceiling. Tara had one hand under Willow and was unclasping her bra. The slayer didn't have an interest in seeing her red haired friend topless. The older blonde gently removed her loves bra and tossed it to the slayer. Buffy caught it without looking thanks to her slayer senses. Tara picked up the unused towel and covered the redheads chest with it, then hooked her index fingers in the sides of Willow's soiled underwear, slid them down her legs and lightly threw them on the towel over the wet carpet. Buffy was very relieved that a pair of wet panties didn't come flying at her. The witch adjusted the towel to cover Willow's nakedness, gently lifting her back up slightly to wrap it around her. When she was satisfied that the blood stained material wouldn't fall off the moment the redhead moved, she went over to the slayer and took the balled up clothes from her and said “C-can you c-carry her to the B-bathroom?” “The towel's not gonna fall off?” Buffy asked nervously. The taller blonde nodded. “Y-yeah, it-it won't.” "Okay.” Buffy said relieved. She walked back to the side of the bed closest to the door and lifted her friend. The slayer carried Willow out of the bedroom and into the bathroom, where she waited for Tara's directions as where to put the unconscious girl down. Tara said to lie her down in the tub and that she'd take it from there. The slayer did as instructed then left, shutting the door behind her. Tara locked the door and went to the tub, where she gentley removed the towel. She tossed it into the hamper and rolled up her sleeves. “I-I'll t-take care of y-you, Will.” She said as she pointed the shower head towards Willow's feet and turned it on to its lowest setting. “I'll t-take care of you.” She repeated. The witch tested the temperature with her right hand. When it reached the right level of heat, Tara turned up the force of the water and angled it toward the redheads pelvis. She picked up the bar of soap in the shower basket and rubbed it between her hands until there was a good amount of suds in her palms and on her fingers. The blonde set down the soap and went to work cleaning her ex-girlfriends most private places. When Tara'd finished with cleaning Willow's previously pee covered privates, she cleaned the rest of her body. Replenishing the soap suds on her hands more than once. "Tara.” The red haired witch said in her sleep as the blonde washed her left arm and hand, making sure not to get any soap in the small cuts left from the redhead's nails digging into it during her seizure. “I'm r-right here, Will. I-I'll always b-be right here. I prom-promise.” Tara told her, interlocking their fingers together. She smiled. "Always."

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