\\James was totally, stupidly crazy. Crazy. Goddamn madder than the hatter. And, realised Sebastian with a jolt of disbelief, he was totally, stupidly in love with the guy. Everyone had a psycho inside them, after all. James just liked to be a little more open about his.//

[mormor college au for the battle royale competition]


2. CHAPTER ONE| Severed Heads and Singing Roommates


The day Sebastian found a head in the freezer was probably what most people would agree was a profound turning point in his life. He hadn't been in the habit of finding heads before then, and after that he seemed to find heads all the time.

It was all his roommate's fault. 

James Moriarty was a bit of an arse, really. He always wore odd socks, his attitude stank like mildew in the desert, and at night he enjoyed loudly describing how stupid the rest of the world was. Instead of, you know, actually trying to fall asleep like a normal person might. He was a horrible drunk, horrible sober, and the kind of horrible student that takes all the credit when you finally hand in your joint-assignment.

Sebastian Moran had learnt all that the hard way, after just three weeks of assigned 
rooming with the guy. Add that to the list of things James was horrible at: he was a horrible, horrible roommate. 

"Did you know," announced James, now, sprawled across most of the good couch, "that there's a statistical chance of approximately seventy five percent that you're going to ask to swap roommates by the end of the month?"

"Are you talking to me?" Sebastian looked up from where he was working- on the floor, leaning against the arm of the bad, crumby arm chair. James had taken up all the table space with some stupid experiment for a subject he didn't even take. Apparently, he enjoyed cutting open eyeballs in his spare time. Sebastian had been too freaked out to ask where the eyeballs had come from. 

"Don't be boring. Who else is there to talk to but you?" whined James, wriggling a little. He looked a bit like some sort of messy-haired Irish caterpillar, thought Sebastian absentmindedly. Just more annoying. 

Sebastian shrugged, looking back at what he was writing. In two hours it was supposed to be a two thousand word essay on military politics, but he'd currently only got seven words down. This was partly because the stupid prat who sat behind him, Justin Leveur, had stolen and plagiarised half his last essay, and this time round, Sebastian had been too cautious to do anything other than leave the actual essay writing to the last minute. 

Over on the couch, James began singing. Badly. 

"Oh, Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling,
From glen to glen, and down the mountain side,
The summer's go

Slamming his hands down against the wooden floor, Sebastian packaged up his best death stare and sent it to James. "Will you shut up? I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm trying to work."

"I could do that work in ten minutes. Tops."

"You're not even letting me concentrate for ten minutes!"

James winked, rolling onto his stomach. "Ooh, you're cute when you're angry."

"Shut up."

"Weren't you ever told how to take a compliment, Sebastian? I said, you're cute when-"

"And I said, shut up," growled Sebastian, through gritted teeth. James had a habit of doing what could only be described as flirting with Sebastian, and it made him want to rip off the guy's head and throw it to China. He couldn't have anyone getting ideas, after all. That-stupid-prat-Justin-Leveur made enough offensive 'fag' jokes about Sebastian as it was. 

Just because he'd gone out with a guy on Valentine's Day in year twelve, it didn't actually mean anything. They'd just been hanging out as the coffee shop as friends. Friends. And that kiss- that had been friendly too. 

For some reason, Justin Leveur didn't believe him.

Sebastian rolled his eyes, practically growling at James who had gone back to warbling his off-key rendition of Danny Boy. "Why are you always in the dorm all the goddamn time? Don't you have any friends, you dick?"

"Never!" declared James, passionately. "Friends are boring. So, so boring."

"And you're so, so irritating."

"At least I'm not boring, though. So many people these days are boring." He spat out the last word contemptuously, as if 'boring' was the very worst thing that a person could be. 

"You're-" started Sebastian, before stopping short. The guy was a hell of a lot of things, sure, but he was also right. James Moriarty was anything but boring. Sebastian shook his head, frowning. "Oh- shut up."

"Obviously, you're a man of words," said James with a smirk. "You've only said that same phrase fifty nine times in the last four days."

"You've... You've been counting?" asked Sebastian in disbelief.

"No." James paused. "Not actively, anyway."

"Whatever. Shut- Goddamn it, just piss off. I think I hate you almost more than-"

"That-stupid-prat-Justin-Leveur?" filled in James, his eyes shining in such a way that Sebastian could have sworn they were twinkling. "For the record, you've mentioned only him thirty seven times in the past week, but it's still getting a bit repetitive all the same." He clicked his tongue against his teeth with just the amount of irritation that every secretary everywhere seemed to have mastered. "Repetition, Sebastian. Not good." 

Sebastian ground his teeth together. "I'm trying to work," he mumbled, flipping through his notes again. 

"You're always trying to work, and you never get anything done. You're obviously useless at it," James told him in as near to a deadpan as he seemed to be able to manage. He rolled his eyes. "Listen, forget about the work for once." 

"It's meant to be handed in in two hours."

Waving a hand dismissively, James rolled off the couch and onto the floor. He picked himself up and dusted off his jeans, like the fall hadn't even hurt him. "What you should do, instead of boring, boring, boring, work, work, work is let me show you something."

Sebastian looked up, intrigued despite himself. "What?"

"Stop working and I'll show you. That's the point, stupid."

"I can't." 

"I can sort the deadline thing out for you. If you beg me." James's face lit up. "Can you beg me, Sebastian? It'd be adorable." Shrugging, James pulled  a face. "But it's not even like this will take long." 

He crawled across the room on all fours to crouch beside Sebastian, his choppy dark hair falling across his eyes. "Come on, come on. You don't even have to go far. I'm keeping it in the freezer."


"The thing I want to show you. Stupid."

Rolling his eyes, Sebastian dragged himself to his feet and followed James into the kitchen. The smaller boy opened the freezer door with a flourish. There, sitting almost nonchalantly on top of the frozen pizzas, was Justin Leveur's severed head. With actual blood and moulding eyeballs and all the stuff Sebastian always felt like he should be squeamish about but never really was. Some of its hair had fallen out and was spread out over the pizza boxes. Now that- that was disgusting. James beamed.

Controlling the urge to throw up inside his mouth, Sebastian turned to look at his roommate. "That's... That's Justin Leveur's head." 

James twisted his lips into something that could only be described as approval. "There was a ninety percent chance that you'd have screamed when you saw it, so I've got to admit that you're doing pretty well. So far, at least." 

"No... James, that's that-stupid-prat-Justin-Leveur's head. In our freezer. You... His head is in our freezer. His goddamned head is in our freezer."

"Keep making those stellar observations and they're going to be calling you the next Darwin," sang James. His singing was suddenly becoming much more creepy than it had been. 

Sebastian felt his eyes bug out of his head. "Wh... Why is his head in our freezer?"

"Because I put it there. Don't be so obvious, Sebastian." James grinned, flicking his tongue across his lower lip. "Sebbie. Can I call you Sebbie?"

"No. And- no, I mean why the hell did you cut off his head in the first place?"

"He was boring and rude. Two terrible, terrible qualities in a person." James waved a hand in acknowledgement. "I mean, I suppose I could have just kept his head attached to his body, but the effect just wouldn't have been the same. Don't you think?"

"So you- bloody hell, you've..." Sebastian closed his eyes, pushing his head into his hands. I'm rooming with a psychopath," he muttered, "I'm rooming with a goddamn fucking psychopath and there's a head in our freezer."

James rolled his eyes dramatically. "Look, if you're worried about the pizza we can just throw it out. And it's not like the head's going to stay in the freezer, doofus. I just needed somewhere to put it, and I wanted to surprise you."

"Surprise... Me?"

"Surprise... Me?" mimicked James, clearly getting tired of this. "You hated him, didn't you? He was boring and a dick and you wished he was dead and you wished he was in pain, and now you've got your wish. Surprising someone else with your wish would have been rid-ic-u-lous."

Sebastian looked at the head in the freezer on top of the frozen pizza. Then he looked at James, and then back to the severed head. Suddenly, inexplicably, he started to laugh. 

"What?" asked James, for once unsure what to say.

"Ridiculous. Say it again like you just said it."


Sebastian shook his head, smirking. "I can't believe you cut his head off. For me. You cut someone's goddamn head off for me, and I barely even know you."

"True. You barely even know me."

"And you're a psychopath. I'm rooming with a psychopath."

James tilted his head to one side, tapping his foot. "But you're not going to go to the police? Or the staff?" The way he said it, he didn't sound scared. It was as if he knew Sebastian's answer before he'd even spoken. 

"If I did, you'd probably have me killed somehow."

"Smart boy." James whistled. "You're all alone. All alone. With me. Alone together." 

Sebastian felt himself turn red. "Shut up."

Stabbing at the air with a finger, James closed the freezer door and headed back into the sitting room. "Be careful," he called back, over his shoulder. "That's sixty times you've said shut up now. And counting. When you get to one hundred, someone might just cut your tongue out."

Sebastian stood, staring at the freezer. "Shut up," he whispered at James's back, listening to the hollow slam of the door. "Shut up," he told himself, and "Shut up," he said to Justin Leveur's head in the freezer. "Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up."

Maybe if he said it enough he could go back to pretending everything was normal. Sebastian shook his head, raking a hand through his short blonde hair. 

Ha. His roommate was a psychopath, there was a head in his freezer, and everything was totally, utterly normal. He snorted. Yeah.

Like he could ever convince himself to believe that. 

Sebastian knew that he should be frightened. He knew that he should be screaming or cursing or running for the door. If anything, he knew that he seriously needed a better roommate, and fast. And yet... Call him crazy, but Sebastian wasn't scared of James. 

The fact was, James may have torn someone's head from his body, but he'd done it for Sebastian. For Sebastian

If anything, he found himself warming to the guy.


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