just let me go

Holly is in white mountain community psychiatric hospital. This is her diary.

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1. day 7

I have been here since last Thursday. Do you know what hell is? The voices screaming every second of your time away. Wasted. You can't breathe because Dee is sat on your head, telling you not to move at all, keeping you chained to the blood red stained plastic sheeted sticky sheets of your hard metal framed bed. It smells metallic. Antiseptic gloves screech their way towards you. 

"time to go down for breakfast."

The curtains open slowly and the nurses are jeering at me to get up but I don't want to move. I know I have to get to education today but the voices are too loud. They are like a screaming cry and a tiny one, then a too-deep moan in the places I go. wherever I go. I will just let Dee get the better of me today. I don't want to 'recover' from her. She's my friend. I tried to but it's no use so I don't bother any more, I can never get rid of her even though she follows me around and I'm always telling her to go away. Dr Alley is supposed to be here today to talk to me about getting my nicotine spray, but I've waited a whole week to get it so I doubt another day will make a difference. Tasmin is going to kill me later if I don't get out of bed! Fuck this. I will stay here. They don't know how I tried to skin myself last night so I'll try and keep that under their radar, maybe I'll get off 15 minute interval observations. If I write this on movellas I will have to tell her It's a game. there is bound to be tracking on the computer so they can find out what I've been doing. They track everything here. Maybe the government want all my information so they can subject me to mind control and I won't let them do that. There are cameras in the mirrors anyway, Sally told me. She's the girl I meet every night downstairs but I never see her in the day. Spooky. I wonder what they would do if they found out I knew! I'm only here because I told them I know it all. They have plans for us and they will get us one day but from now on I have to keep it secret. shit happens. Okay and as you asked me to tell you, that's why I jumped.

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