Direction Down

(Again me doing a book about four guys as aren't nice) They took me and they didn't care about me. It was my nightmare and my hell. I don't think they even saw what they did. Not until it was to late.

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11. Who can it be? Peter?

"Lilly?"
I jumped in surprise, spun around and looked straight into two brown eyes. Liam stood there and he seemed as surprised as me. We were in the middle of a shopping centre and I had just shopped more things to my unborn child. Liam looked down on my stomach and I saw how his thoughts spun around.
"Hello!" I got up. What would I say?
"You're pregnant?"
His voice was uncertain and it was as if he didn't understood. He looked up at my face again and he didn't believe what he saw.
"With whom?"
I hesitated. Yes, I could be honest and say that one of them was the one who had caused it all. I could have explained so many things, but instead I chose a stupid resort.
"Peter!" I got up. "We're getting engaged before the baby is born."
I was surprised when I saw the disappointment in Liam's face. It was as if he was trying to smile, but I saw no smile.
"Congratulations.." but it wasn't a congratulations. That was a faint word as came out of his mouth and he said instead: "Why did you choose a different man?"
I smiled and I chose to play unmoved.
"It was good to see you."
He nodded his head a little bit.
"It was fun to see you and I understand that you have planned a lot for the future?"
He didn't want to leave me or go, he wanted to stand still with me and I just became more and more uncertain. What was there to say? I still had in mind how my child become a life and I remembered what happened that weekend.
"I must go!" I lied and I was about to leave him, Liam quickly took hold of my arm and he held on to me.
"Is it serious between you?"
I looked at him. Damn I was so close to tell the truth.
"Yes!"
Liam frowned and he looked down at my stomach again.
"Maybe you can still come and visit one day," he whispered hoarsely. "I miss you."
I shook my head quickly.
"No, Liam!" I got up. "I'm tired of you, and you know why?"
He swallowed, and he clenched his jaws.
"I understand you, but at the same time you know that what happened was the best thing that happened to us?"
I felt a stone inside me. The best thing that had happened to us? I was pregnant and I was hurt and I wasn't sure if there even was any good to remember?
"Let me go!"
He released me and he seemed almost sad.
"Call if you need anything."
I didn't answer. I fled. I quickly went from there and I was about to start crying. Damn, Liam might be the father of my child? Perhaps Niall? Even Louis and Harry could be those was the father? The whole body was shaking and I was actually close to vomiting. I felt the whole I was in decay.

 

----

 

I got into dormancy. I lay in bed and I looked over to the crib that stood in the corner of the room. Perhaps this was the wrong plan? Maybe I should have done an abortion? I frowned and I wiped away the tears. This was wrong. I couldn't put weight on what had happened and I had after all made a choice. I would take care of that, as was inside my stomach and I'd be a good mother.

 

My cell phone rings. I took it up quickly to the ear, and I sat up as soon as I heard it was Louis.
"I heard Liam said that you're pregnant?"
I swallowed. Damn it!
"Eh, yes?"
Louis was hesitant at the other end.
"And you'll get engaged?"
I closed my eyes and my whole body was shaking.
"Yes?"
He sounded as if he had more to say, but he was silent for a few extra seconds.
"Want to come over for coffee?"
"No!" but I wanted to say yes. Maybe it was the need to meet them again, maybe it was a chance to do the right thing?
"Please, Lilly?"
I swallowed.
"Louis, I ...!"
He interrupted me.
"I promise that I wont touch you. I promise that we just drink a cup of coffee, talk, and then you're free to go."

 

I don't know why I said yes. I chose clothes that suited my now large figure and I had made sure I looked perfect. Anyway as perfect as a pregnant woman can be. I knocked on Louis door and when he opened, it was as if time stood still. The memory of all that had happened mixed with the feeling that they had no idea about my child.
"Hello!" he whispered hoarsely and uncertainly. He let me in, he helped me with the jacket and we went into his kitchen. He had two cups on the table, some cinnamon buns on a platter and two candles were lighted. It smelled clean and I understood that he had cleaned up, just because I was coming. I chose to put me down and I gathered together all the thoughts that spun around.
 

It was tense in the room. Neither Louis nor I knew immediately what to say and I saw that he often stared at my stomach.
"So you're six months pregnant?"
I nodded.
"Yes, I am."
He smiled a little bit and he looked into my eyes.
"When did you met Peter? That must have been after that weekend?"
More lies. I nodded. Louis drank some coffee and he looked at me as if he wanted to read my thoughts.
"It went fast?"
I agreed.
"Yes, I got pregnant and we decided to do as adults do, take responsibility."
He smiled wryly and he nodded understandingly.
"It feels a little odd to see you pregnant, but I'm glad you've created a life."
I looked down at my body. I hadn't created anything. I had just happened to end up in this seat.
"and how are you?" I got up. Louis put down the cup and he seemed unsure of what to say.
"It is good!" he got up. "I guess life is like before. We are going on tour and we will be recording a new album. It's a lot going on."
I understood and I looked up at him.
"You are fully booked?"
He nodded his head a little bit.
"Yes, we have a lot ahead of us. That is how it is to be an artist!"
He didn't tell the whole truth. It was something he didn't tell me and finally he seemed to understand that I suspected something.
"I miss you!" he said without preparing me. "I love you and it hurts that you chose a different man."
I just stared at him. He couldn't love me? He had only had the need to use me.
"If it turns out that he's not the man you want, you can come to me." he continued. "I'm here for you and you know I would do anything for you and your child, even that I'm not the father."
I just wanted to cry. Maybe it was just that as he was? A dad?
"We are all shocked!" he whispered hoarsely. "Harry thought Liam lied and Niall refused to understand. You always have had an impacted on us and now that you have made this choice, it is as if we understand what we miss."
Why was he compelled to tell me that now? I just stared at him. My stomach tingled and my legs were weak. The guys missed me?
"But we understand!" continued Louis hoarse. "We know we made mistakes and we know we should have given you a chance to get to know us. You now only know about our dirty side."
I agreed with him.
"You used me."
Louis looked down at the table.
"I know and I'm sorry for that."

 

----

 

It was as if One Direction surrounded me. A few days later Harry stood outside my door and I could do nothing more than let him inside the apartment. He looked down at my stomach and he was just as uncertain as the others.
"I just wanted to come by and say congratulations." he said a little unsafe. I smiled and I closed the door.
"Thank you!"
He smiled at me and he looked around the hall, toward the couch.
"Alone?"
I swallowed.
"Yes, we don't live together yet." but it was a lie. Peter wasn't there, in my life, he didn't exist, and I was alone. Harry looked at me again.
"May I come in?"
I chose to nod and he took off his jacket and hang it up on a hook.
"I understand you may not want to meet us." he continued, and he looked at me again. "But I must admit that I miss you and I have understood that I have more feelings towards what I knew about. I love you."
No, he didn't love me. Neither Louis, Liam or Harry had that right to feel that for me. I didn't want to hear that they had feelings at all.
"Sure?"
Harry frowned and he looked straight at me.
"Lilly, you know I always had you in my heart. Ever since that day when Sophia took you to us."
I looked down at the floor.
"Please, Harry..."
He interrupted me.
"I may be more a man against that man you now have chosen. I promise to be everything that you are looking for, you just give me a chance."
What would I say? Before I even had time to speak, I felt two hands around my face and he forced me to look straight into his green eyes.
"Lilly, please, listen!"
I just wanted to scream. He smiled faintly and he looked straight into my soul.
"I love you!" he whispered hoarsely, his lips attracted me. He seemed to see that and without asking for permission, he kissed me.

 

I closed my eyes and I followed. He kissed me so softly, so gently and he wasn't at all demanding. I wanted more and I desperately wanted to have everything. I took my hands toward his waist and I felt his tongue began to play with my. I groaned silently and I was sure that he didn't heard it. Harry took his hands around my head and he forced me to continue, but he didn't need to do so. I wanted that to happen.

 

"You got feelings for me?"
Okay, I want more of that kiss, but Harry wanted to talk. I opened my eyes and I hesitated.
"I don't know what I feel."
He smiled and he caressed my cheeks.
"I can give you the time you need and I promise I wont disappoint you again."
I frowned.
"Harry, I'm pregnant?"
He nodded his head a little bit.
"And I can become a good father?"
No, or Maybe? I didn't know what I would feel, think or even if I wanted to be where I was.
"Harry, I..."
He kissed me lightly again on the lips and then he seemed almost totally satisfied.
"Be with me and get to know me?" he whispered, "I can make you forget Peter and I'm sure he's with you just because you're pregnant? He don't love you in the same way as I love you."

 

----

 

"You must tell the truth!"
For once, I told all for Sophia and she understood me, just as she understood them.
"But I don't know if I want to know who's the father." I got up. She frowned, and she didn't agree with me about that part.

"Your kid deserve to know. What will you say when he or she begins to ask?"
I looked down at the table.
"I say that I don't know."

She laughed a little bit.
"And it's a lie. You know that one of the four is the dad, or it can still be Zayn."
I agreed with her, and I swallowed.
"But what will I tell them?" I looked up at her. "Excuse me, but Peter is gone and it's one of you who's the father?"
She wondered, then she was great.
"I can tell the truth?"
I frowned.
"Huh?"
She became a little fond of her plan.
"Yes, if I play drunk at a party and I happen to say too much? Then, no one can accuse you or me, and I tell it like it is."
I shook my head.
"That sounded childish."
She smiled big.
"And?" She put her head askew. "And you don't have to be the one to plan what to say. If I tell them, it's they who must take the first step?"

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