Direction Down

(Again me doing a book about four guys as aren't nice) They took me and they didn't care about me. It was my nightmare and my hell. I don't think they even saw what they did. Not until it was to late.


10. The consequence

I was glad when Sophia came to visit me. She was only slightly depressed, and I knew she was testing if I was okay. She thought that I wasn't her friend any more?
"It's okay!" I said why, and we sat down in the kitchen. "It was an odd weekend, but I feel good and in spite of all the circumstances, I didn't come to harm."
She nodded a little bit and she seemed unsure.
"And Liam?"
I looked at her in surprise.
She nodded, a little bit.
"He said something about you, you know, you two...?"
I smiled a little bit, and I shook my head.
"No, there's not a we. Harry has promised me that they'll leave me alone and I wont seek neither up  Liam nor the other."
Yet it seemed Sophia didn't trust me.
"But Liam said you were his?"
I was honest.
"No!" I muttered hoarsely. "I promise you I don't want him. Whatever he says it's his fantasia, not mine."
She nodded a little bit and she looked down at the table.
"And I also want to apologize that I took you to them. I wasn't aware that they would do as they did."
I took my hand over the table and I put it over hers.
"It's not your fault!" I whispered hoarsely. "They are those who think they can do exactly what they did and I'm not going to let them take me again."
Sophia smiled a little bit and she looked up at me.
"And we're friends?"
I nodded with satisfaction.
"I promise, I'm your friend and I'm glad that you are here, right now."




It starts to come creeping over. I felt my body changed and my period wasn't like it used to. One morning I woke up feeling sick and when I threw up, straight into the toilet, I realized the truth. I could be pregnant. I didn't want it to be the truth, but at the same time maybe I got myself to blame? It took a few days of nausea in the morning, before I bought a pregnancy test. It was with shaky hands as I peed on the stick and laid it on the counter. I gazed at the small painting that would show two dashes if I was pregnant. It felt like forever and when I finally saw that it showed positive, I was scared. I had no idea who the father was.


It took me a few more days before I called in to the hospital to do a test and when the doctor smiled at me and told me that I would become a mother, I began to cry.
"But dear little friend?" he said kindly, and he looked like a question mark. "Wasn't that what you wanted?"
I shook my head quickly.
"I don't know who the father is."
He frowned and I sensed that he immediately got up the word whore in his head. That's what exactly what I felt like.
"We can test that part if you want?"
I sobbed and I avoided looking at him.
He took my hand and he tried to calm me down.
"You ask those whom you have had sex with to come here and they will give us a blood test. In the third month, we can go in with a small needle and take some fetal water from you. It takes a few weeks but then, you know who's the father is."
I wiped away the tears.
"And if I want to have an abortion?"
He swallowed, and he hesitated.
"Then we might do it soon. You know your child grows and after three months, we can't remove it. You're in the first month now, but I have to know your answer as soon as possible."
I nodded a little bit.
"Okay, I will think about it."




Sophia literally put the tea in the throat and she coughed before she just stared at me.
"Are you pregnant?"
I blushed and I looked down at the table. I nodded, and it felt like my life was over. I was torn between two answers. Did I wanted to be a mom and I became a mom, did I wanted to know who the father was? If I didn't want to be a mom, would I be able to remove the child? I wanted to know now, what I wanted!
"Have you talked to them?" she asked. I shook my head and then I looked at her.
"And you don't say a single word to Liam or the other."
She hesitated.
I growled.
She sighed, and she understood.
"I promise!"
I nodded with satisfaction.
"If I choose to keep the baby, it's because I want to." I replied as if I wanted to convince myself. "I wont turn to them in the first place and I don't even know if I want to know the answer, who did this to me!"
She frowned, and she didn't like what I told her.
"But hasn't they the right to know?"
I shook my head.
"No absolutely not!"
Sophia had a different opinion and I saw it on her. She hesitated, and she wasn't sure.
"But it's  good if the child has a father?"
I growled.
"And what type of dad can they be?" I got up. "They can't even be with just one girl. They are infidels and they are horny."
Sophia smiled a little bit, and she agreed with me this time.
"But maybe..."
I interrupted her.
"No, this is my choice!"
She nodded, a little bit.
"Okay, I promise not to say a single word, I promise to be quiet."
I was satisfied.
"And I decide over my body."
She agreed with me.
"And if you want to become a mother, I will help you."
I nodded quietly to her.
"I know!"




At first become my parents angry at me. I chose a lie and I lied about how I got pregnant. I said he was a stranger, and I just happened to end up in his bed.
"But you have to..." my mother hesitated. "And you don't know what his name is?"
I shook my head, but I was sure of my case. I would keep my child and I couldn't care about who as had made me pregnant.
"Economically, we will help you." Dad got up. I smiled at him and I quickly shook my head.
"I have actually saved some money, but thanks."
They were unsure and I admit that I was as unsure as them. I had during a week discovered all the prams in the town and I had been in all the shops and seen on children's clothing. I did slowly realizing that I couldn't kill this child. It was not the child's fault that I was pregnant and I didn't want to send over the responsibility on an unborn child.


When I landed in month three began my stomach to be larger. I got to change clothes and slowly I realized that my life would be different. I changed my apartment several times before I found where I wanted to put the crib. I started to buy neutral clothes and slowly I began to get used to the idea. Actually, it was a wonderful idea that I had a child in there and actually it was great that I would soon give birth to a new life. It was as if my pregnancy went from disrepair into something wonderful.


The only times I landed in the dark was when I heard about One Direction. I always ended up on a television channel as showed an interview and I saw them always online. They were four happy guys who seemed to live life and I suffered through that time. They had no idea about the truth and I didn't even want to talk to them. Maybe that fans would one day discover what fools they pined for? I was sure that they would soon make a mistake and a girl would turn up from nowhere and tell the world that these guys were crazy idiots.




"Your values look good!"
My doctor had become accustomed to the idea that I didn't know who the father was. He had been nagging for a while, but then he gave up. I wanted to become a single mom and I didn't even want to think about something other than that. The most important thing was the baby in my stomach and I was sure I could handle it.


I was almost forced to buy new clothes for each month and at the end I had gone a full six months pregnant. It was wonderful to show off my belly and actually, I was happy. I was sensitive to being pregnant. When I saw a love story on the TV  I could start crying for no reason. Deep down, I wanted a man, but at the same time I had made my choice.

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