bisexual • muke

in which a boy with hair of the coloured variety and a blond fall in love, one of them questioning their sexuality.


3. 3 • garage

luke hemmings 

high school isn't that different from middle school. middle school is actually kind of worse in my opinion, but i've always dreaded lunch. i mean, of course i like eating the sandwiches my mom makes for me every morning, but i've never really had anyone to sit with.

i know that sounds a bit sad, but it's true. everyone always used to tease me for my long hair, and then i started actually doing my hair, and got a girlfriend. i sat with her, but she was my girlfriend. that doesn't really count her as a friend, i think.

it was nothing dramatic, like people picking on me. there was no vip seats like i thought there would be. i would literally be accepted anywhere. but i'm too nervous to sit anywhere unless someone invites me. no. there's just me, with my old lunch bag, finding myself staring at michael clifford (ashton irwin too, but in my defense, everybody was staring at him).

calum caught my eye, and waved vigorously at me. "luke!!"

people started staring at me and i got a bit embarrassed. i glanced at everyone at walked up to his table, consciously sitting down. it's so weird to meet new people, especially when they've all known each other for at least a year now, and i've only known them for two days.

ashton gives me a warm smile and calum stares at him. it's like he's smitten with him, and i kind of wish someone would look at me like that. mikey snaps him out of it and smiles at me.

"hi luke," michael smiles.

"hi," i quietly say back, and an awkward silence fills the table.

"so," calum says, interrupting the quiet. "what made you transfer here? we don't get many new students, especially in the middle of the year."

i look up at him, "oh, um, i don't know."

i couldn't just say, 'people were bullying me to death and i moved to get a new start.' the last thing i want from them is pity, and that would not be a very good first impression.

calum nods. "well, i'm sorry for yesterday, about the gay question. i didn't mean to.. you know. invade your personal life or whatever."

i immediately reply, "what? oh, it's totally fine, really. i'm questioning my sexuality right now, so it was kind of nice to have that push.."

as soon as i realize i'm embarrassing myself, i stop talking and let michael take over.

"well, we're going to practice later. we're kind of a band, i guess. you could come watch us, you know, if you want," he suggests.

"sure, i'm just," i shrug. "relieved that i know have plans, because i don't usually..." i clear my voice and stop talking once again. i can't make things any more awkward than they already are.


when we get to michael's house, well, garage, they start to prepare their instruments right away. calum and michael joke around a bit, and ashton is all serious. he's kind of like a dad, actually. calum got out his bass, michael got his guitar, and ashton sat on his drum.. box... thing?

i find myself in front of him, looking down, as he is sitting.

"hey, what's that drum thing called?"

he looks at me for a moment, probably thinking i'm stupid for not knowing what it was. jeez, i play guitar, i know nothing about drums.

"it's called a cajon," he replies.

mikey stands up with his guitar and the strap around his shoulder so it doesn't fall. he walks up to me, strumming a few chords.

"do you know how to play guitar?" he asks.

i scratch the back of my neck, suddenly feeling embarrassed (not that i wasn't before) that i'm the only one in the room that doesn't play an instrument.

"kind of. i know the strings..?" i examine the six strings, and it slowly comes back to me. "e, a, d, g, b, e, right?"

"good," he grins and grabs my arm, pulling me to the couch.

he sits down and hands me the guitar. i'm hesitant at first before taking it. when i finally do, it feels kind of natural. it tucks into my arms and mikey scoots closer to me, putting his arm and hand on mine, so that he's in the same position as me. he plucks the e string and makes a position on the frets with his fingers.

"this is the g chord," he says, strumming lightly with his fingers. "you try."

his arms move away, which makes me kind of upset. i try to copy the exact position michael had his fingers in, and strum. it sounds very homey and sweet. the acoustic echoes very subtly throughout the room. michael's arms return to mine and he's almost holding me and that's the only thing that matters.


michael clifford

saying that i taught luke guitar for not just touching him would be a lie. it was too tempting, and i just wanted to hold him. his body was cold, and i warmed him up. he looked nervous, but as soon as he started playing, his face softened.

luke sat on the couch while i stood up again with my guitar and next to calum and ashton. calum mouthed the words, 'gotta get out' to me and ashton and i nodded in reply. my fingers picked the intro as calum sang the first verse, and then me, and then ashton as the background. it flowed so nicely together but it felt like there was something missing.

"luke," i say when we finish. he looks up at me, as if distracted by something. but i have his full attention now. "wanna play with us?"

he blinks, probably thinking that i would never pick him. normally, i wouldn't, because i just taught him how to play. he would mess up a thousand times and feel embarrassed and it would be all my fault. but life's about taking risks, isn't it?

luke grabs one of the guitars off the stand and scoots a chair next to me.

"you guys were amazing," he whispers and i smile.

it seems like he got the chords right away, because when we play together, it sounds almost perfect. of course not perfect, that's not the word for it. he made multiple mistakes, but none of us cared, not even ashton. it was just painless fun.

me, luke, calum, and ashton.

and everything was okay.


luke hemmings

michael invited me into his room when calum and ashton left. i didn't feel like going home, and wanted to spend as much time with him as he could. not to the point where he gets annoyed, maybe when i get annoyed, if that's even possible.

he collapsed onto the bed and inched his finger toward me, gesturing me to come lay next to him. i've never been in bed with someone before (not in the that way), so naturally i was anxious. he sits up when he sees that i'm up, making me regret sitting up. did he want to lay down? would i be comfortable with it? this is really confusing.

he sits criss-crossed and when i see that he does, i do too.

"that was fun," he smiles adorably, looking like a kitten. he has sweater paws and everything, and i have to force myself not to smile like an idiot at him.

"it really was," i agree, not knowing what to say.

he looks into my eyes, and i meet his. "so that thing calum was saying at lunch, about you being gay.."

god, here it comes. just when i thought this could work out.

he licks his lips, "are you? gay, i mean."

i shrug, looking down at my hands. "i don't know, i mean.. i find guys attractive, and i had a girlfriend once. her name was aleisha."

truth is, i felt nothing for aleisha.

he tilts his head, "maybe you're bisexual?"

"i guess."

and then he kisses me, out of nowhere. i didn't expect it at all, and i'm kissing back. he kisses me softly, and gently, as if he'll lose me. i'll never lose him, not now. he pulls away, smiling with his mouth closed.

"what was.." i blink. "i- um- sorry."

his closed-mouth smile emerges into a smile showing his teeth, making me feel like he thinks i'm stupid or funny or something.

"it's okay," he chuckles. "i liked it."

i clear my voice, "so what was, that, uh- what was it for..?" my sentence trails off as i realize i'm stuttering.

he shrugs, "felt like it. is that okay?"

i nod right away and he pecks my lips again. my phone vibrates and i get a text from jack asking where i am and to come home, because mom is worried.

"i have to go," i say, shutting off my phone.

michael lets out an "okay" and walks me home, dropping me off as if nothing even happened. he waves as he jogs back, and i find myself staring again.

"call me," i say, trying to act cool.

i don't even have his number.


i've been playing 'you suck' on spotify for the past thirty minutes. someone help ;-;

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